Recovery Patterns of Codependence

Denial Patterns
Codependents - Have difficulty identifying what they are feeling
In recovery - I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment. I know the difference between my thoughts and feelings.
Codependents - Minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel.
In recovery - I embrace my feelings; they are valid and important.
Codependents - Perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others
In recovery- I know the difference between caring and caretaking. I recognize that caretaking others is often motivated by a need to benefit myself.
Codependents - Lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
In recovery - I am able to feel compassion for anothers feelings and needs.
Codependents - Label others with their negative traits.
In recovery -After-I acknowledge that I may own the negative traits I often perceive in others.
Codependents-Think they can take care of themselves without any help from others.
In recovery -I acknowledge that I sometimes need the help of others.
Codependents - Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
In recovery -I am aware of my painful feelings and express them appropriately.
Codependents -Express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
In recovery -I am able to express my feelings openly, directly, and calmly.
Codependents -Do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom they are attracted.
In recovery -I pursue intimate relationships only with others who want, and are able to engage in, healthy and loving relationships.

Low Self-esteem Patterns

Codependents -Have difficulty making decisions.
In recovery -I trust my ability to make effective decisions.
Codependents -Judge what they think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
In recovery -I accept myself as I am. I emphasize progress over perfection.
Codependents -Are embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
In recovery -I feel appropriately worthy of the recognition, praise, or gifts I receive.
Codependents -Value others approval of their thinking, feelings, and behavior over their own.
In recovery -I value the opinions of those I trust, without needing to gain their approval. I have confidence in myself.
Codependents -Do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons.
In recovery -I recognize myself as being a lovable and valuable person.
Codependents -Seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than.
In recovery -I seek my own approval first, and examine my motivations carefully when I seek approval from others.
Codependents -Have difficulty admitting a mistake.
In recovery -I continue to take my personal inventory, and when I am wrong, promptly admit it.
Codependents -Need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie to look good.
In recovery -I am honest with myself about my behaviors and motivations. I feel secure enough to admit mistakes to myself and others, and to hear their opinions without feeling threatened.
Codependents -Are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want.
In recovery -I meet my own needs and wants when possible. I reach out for help when its necessary and appropriate.
Codependents -Perceive themselves as superior to others.
In recovery -I perceive myself as equal to others.
Codependents -Look to others to provide their sense of safety.
In recovery -With the help of my Higher Power, I create safety in my life.
Codependents -Have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
In recovery -I avoid procrastination by meeting my responsibilities in a timely manner.
Codependents -Have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries.
In recovery -I am able to establish and uphold healthy priorities and boundaries in my life.

Compliance Patterns

Codependents -Are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
In recovery -I am committed to my safety and leave situations that feel unsafe or are inconsistent with my goals.
Codependents -Compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
In recovery -I am rooted in my own values, even if others dont agree or become angry.
Codependents -Put aside their own interests in order to do what others want.
In recovery -I consider my interests and feelings when asked to participate in anothers plans.
Codependents -Are hyper vigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.
In recovery -I can separate my feelings from the feelings of others. I allow myself to experience my
feelings and others to be responsible for their feelings.
Codependents -Are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
In recovery -I respect my own opinions and feelings and express them appropriately.
Codependents -Accept sexual attention when they want love.
In recovery -My sexuality is grounded in genuine intimacy and connection. When I need to feel loved, I express my hearts desires. I do not settle for sex without love.
Codependents -Make decisions without regard to the consequences.
In recovery -I ask my Higher Power for guidance, and consider possible consequences Codependents I make decisions.
Codependents -Give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.
In recovery -I stand in my truth and maintain my integrity, whether others approve or not, even if it means making difficult changes in my life.

Control Patterns

Codependents -Believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
In recovery -I realize that, with rare exceptions, other adults are capable of managing their own lives.
Codependents -Attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.
In recovery -I accept the thoughts, choices, and feelings of others, even though I may not be comfortable with them.
Codependents -Freely offer advice and direction without being asked.
In recovery -I give advice only when asked
Codependents -Become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice.
In recovery -I am content to see others take care of themselves.
Codependents -Lavish gifts and favors on those they want to influence.
In recovery -I carefully and honestly contemplate my motivations when preparing to give a gift.
Codependents -Use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance.
In recovery -I embrace and celebrate my sexuality as evidence of my health and wholeness. I do not use it to gain the approval of others.
Codependents -Have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others.
In recovery -I develop relationships with others based on equality, intimacy, and balance.
Codependents -Demand that their needs be met by others.
In recovery -I find and use resources that meet my needs without making demands on others. I ask for help when I need it, without expectation.
Codependents -Use charm and charisma to convince others of their capacity to be caring and compassionate.
In recovery -I behave authentically with others, allowing my caring and compassionate qualities to emerge.
Codependents -Use blame and shame to exploit others emotionally.
In recovery -I ask directly for what I want and need and trust the outcome to my Higher Power. I do not try to manipulate outcomes with blame or shame.
Codependents -Refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate.
In recovery -I cooperate, compromise, and negotiate with others in a way that honors my integrity.
Codependents -Adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.
In recovery -I treat others with respect and consideration, and trust my Higher Power to meet my needs and desires.
Codependents -Use recovery jargon in an attempt to control the behavior of others.
In recovery -I use my recovery for my own growth and not to manipulate or control others.
Codependents -Pretend to agree with others to get what they want.
In recovery -My communication with others is authentic and truthful.

Avoidance Patterns

Codependents -Act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward them.
In recovery -I act in ways that encourage loving and healthy responses from others.
Codependents -Judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
In recovery -I keep an open mind and accept others as they are.
Codependents -Avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance.
In recovery -I engage in emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy when it is healthy and appropriate for me.
Codependents -Allow addictions to people, places, and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationships.
In recovery -I practice my recovery to develop healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Codependents -Use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.
In recovery -I use direct and straightforward communication to resolve conflicts and deal appropriately with confrontations.
Codependents -Diminish their capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use the tools of recovery.
In recovery -When I use the tools of recovery, I am able to develop and maintain healthy relationships of my choosing.
Codependents -Suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
In recovery -I embrace my own vulnerability by trusting and honoring my feelings and needs.
Codependents -Pull people toward them, but when others get close, push them away.
In recovery -I welcome close relationships while maintaining healthy boundaries.
Codependents -Refuse to give up their self-will to avoid surrendering to a power greater than themselves.
In recovery -I believe in and trust a power greater than myself. I willingly surrender my self-will to my Higher Power.
Codependents -Believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.
In recovery -I honor my authentic emotions and share them when appropriate.
Codependents -Withhold expressions of appreciation.
In recovery - I freely engage in expressions of appreciation toward others.

Source - www.coda.org