Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I'm 8 months pregnant and exhausted. My partner is spending more and more time drinking with his friends and I have no friends or family that will help me or keep me company. Everyone I know is a self - obsessed narcissist like my mother, uses me and only wants to focus on themselves. I am so used to being a scapegoat and a doormat that I seek people who will treat me that way while struggling to form new friendships with better people. Social services are involved with the birth of my baby because of my partner's violence and past convictions, and despite being very pleased with me becauseI never skip appointments and I engage well with others, they want him out of my life.
Time is dragging. I know from experience that that is a sign of anxiety, and I'm trying to find a calm place in my mind but it just feels like my heart is loudly breaking. I miss my partner. He is not the nicest man, but he used to be into me. He insisted for many years that I have his baby and now that I am pregnant he can't take the stress. He smokes tons of weed, has lost weight and now he also drinks.
He hates being around me, doesn't like it when I talk, only wants to play his wrestling videos and resents having to help me as I can't bend to clean anymore. The pregnancy has changed everything. I feel like I am losing everything I need to survive and my whole life is over. I cried for hours last night as I was very tired and lonely, today I am just too drained but I am starting to well up. I can't say any of this to anyone or they'll think I'm weak and take my baby away. Maybe I should give her away. What a horrible mess.
I'm here stuck at home too tired to do anything, too hurt to think clearly and so sad that it's difficult to breathe. It was going well, but then he stopped being in touch and started disappearing with his friends. I know this hurts too much because of co-dependency and an unhealthy way of relating to him, to partners in general. I focus way too much on them, feel extreme agony from jealousy and pregnancy has not helped as I am even more emotional and fragile than rver.
I feel that I spend my life waiting, waiting for him, and my phone becomes my enemy: every second that it doesn't ring it's the most excruciatingly painful and draining feeling. I want to just throw it away, burn it. Tomorrow I have to go to an antenatal class alone, it will be difficult to see all the couples happily working together towards the happiness of their new baby, while I try to focus on the matter at hand, and struggle because I will be thinking of him. But I will do it.
This has been going on for a very long time and I am very discouraged and disappointed with myself for being still in the same place psychologically. It's like I need someone that doesn't want me to be there to break my heart. Over and over. Why can't I just move on despite all the therapy? It's very frustrating. In turn I blame myself for letting this guy run my life and be in charge of my mood, which makes me feel very silly and lowers my self-esteem even further.
I should have no partner for a very long time.
I'm glad I have found a forum where people understand the agony of co-dependent feelings and the utter dejected loneliness that comes with them. I wish us all well, and to find some calm and happiness in the wild storm that our lives can be.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
God Bless!
I go to a good drug and alcohol and 12 stepper
Therapist and that was no way near enough
For me to change and grow. My MC was good
Too they both told me the same things. They
Validated me and cleared me saying i was
Basically okay.
I was An adult child(ACOA) and that i needed to
boost my self esteem. They both said stay with
my alanon and I have. It just takes so much hard
inner work to reparent And retrain ourselves. So
much groundwork has To be laid down first then
built upon to get strong on the inside.
Step 1,2 and 3 address many issues we need to
Deal with and to get to a spiritual place within
Ourselves. I am spiritual and i walk in faith yet i
Still have a long way to go.
Congratulations on your upcoming baby, HUGS
i do hope you are feeling a bit better by now. keep working on you. keep reaching out. get help if you can.... stay on your journey.
sending big love your way.
you will love that baby so much.... :)
What about a women's shelter? I have never stayed at one. BUT they could be the support you are missing?
You have all the answers but now you have to trust your gut. Its hard.
It breaks my heart your choices feel so bleak. But the baby can bring out the mama bear that you need that brings you courage to make changes. I suggest you take the big steps now before the baby comes. Your instinct will to be to nestle down when baby comes. And you need a support network. It is apparent from your story your guy lacks the coping skills. Being codependent can be hard but we are generally really well liked and make good changes in ourselves.
I agree with the need to find a way to get away from your partner. His anger and abuse are almost absolutely going to get worse as your due date gets closer and also because abuse and violence in relationships have a predictable cycle that usually begins with yelling which progresses on to name calling, degradation, etc. and unless intercepted and stopped somehow, will start getting physical. Not necessarily with you at first, but slamming doors, punching holes in walls, throwing things, and the like. If it continues, the anger will continue to grow and turn on you. Ultimately that can end in death. It has nothing to do with your partner's personality, but with his perceived loss of control and inability to deal with it in a healthy way. And in your case, your new baby will be at risk as well. The cycle of abuse and violence does not always follow exact predictable behaviors but it does follow an almost certain outcome.
My advice to you is to find your closest women's shelter and get plugged in there. That doesn't necessarily mean staying there, but they have a great deal of knowledge and resources especially if you can find one locally. I spent my last year of nursing school at the women's shelter in the city where I live. And had I known how helpful and supportive and safe they are, I would have gone there post haste when I was first separated from my now X-husband. If and when you do decide to leave, it is imperative that you say nothing to your partner about it, as it would skyrocket his anger and violence. I think your next best step would be to find the phone number to your closest women's shelter and give them a call. They will be able to hear your personal story, give you support, and help you come up with a plan for what to do next. They'll have your back!
My baby was born on January 16th, 2017 and she's a beautiful, contented and confident little darling. Her smiles are the light of my life, and even though some days I get so tired that I'm in tears by the evening I thank my lucky stars every day that she is in my life.
My partner is forbidden to see her, social services have huge worries about him as he has insulted the social worker several times, displayed volatile and aggressive behaviour, but he has now apparently given in and will wait for two years before coming near us. Or so he says.
As you had predicted, the vulnerability of my tiny baby has turned me into mama bear and I have been able to stay away from him, and yet we are still in touch and I feel like I would panic if he was gone forever. How sad. How can I stop being so attached to someone who is dangerous?
He treated me so badly once while I was pregnant that I burst out crying in public (hornones and abusive behaviour don't mix well) and an older gent who didn't speak English felt so bad for me that he tried to comfort me by holding my hand. It helped actually, but I was scared that my partner would attack him. Even if we still talk, whenever I mention his past horrible treatment of me he clams up and ends the conversation. We have to pretend that he is an angel in order to keep talking, I have to agree with him that we were a very happy couple, which is delusional. We might have had some good times, but there would always be insults and screaming, too.
Nevertheless, I don't feel that he is my ex, even if I don't want him around the baby because I am certain that he would snap sooner or later and she would be scared.
I would never want him around her, and yet I keep in touch with him.
Part of me would feel lost without knowing that he is still there, and I'm afraid that feeling lost would impact my abilities as a mother.
Or maybe I'm just kidding myself. It's so hard to know.
I feel worried and enjoy every second with my baby. Some days I feel dead inside, like I can't feel anything at all. I have spent so many years focused on him and his bad behaviour as a way to avoid looking at the wasteland that my life was, at the emptiness and sorrow, that it's hard to just switch from that and become a whole person, a worthy role model for my precious little girl.
Even if I didn't have the time to answer the generous replies to my original post, I have kept a tab open in this thread and I have drawn courage and strength from your words of support for the last 9 months. Please don't ever feel that your words don't make a difference.
Whenever I needed to feel that I was understood and that good people do exist I looked at this page. It has helped me immensely.
I felt among my brethren, in good company, understood and not judged, like I belonged somewhere.
I hope you are all well and one step closer to freedom from pain.