Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I was not really sure where to post this, I'm not sure if this is a codependency issue per se, but I do think that it's a boundary issue for sure. I think that I have a lot of PTSD around being controlled, due to my history of abuse, and I have some triggers. One of my absolute pet peeves is men I barely know texting me very late. This might not be a PTSD thing, it might just be a me thing. It just bugs the hell out of me. I'm a woman who dates men.
When I was online dating earlier this summer, some of the men just seemed to have such a sense of entitlement afer we would exchange numbers I was suddenly getting an influx of texts and some very late.
I recently met a man at a party and for me it's a professional connection. We found out that we are in the same profession and he suggested doing a remote work session together. I welcomed that becuase as I've been working remotely lately it's been very isolating. We got together last week and it was OK, but I was just not sure where he was coming from.
What completely put me off was that a couple of days later on the weekend I randomly got a text from him at about 1 AM in the morning as I was chilling out and taking a weekend to myself. We are in the same meetup, and though he was not signed up for the weekend event, apparently he was looking at my RSVPs to see what I was doing. He texted me that late to find out why I didn't go to the party. I was immediately turned right off. My first instinct when people do stuff like that is that they are clingers and a little bit creepy. I just feel like it's none of his business where I am or what I am doing, and why is he looking at what I am RSVPing to what I am doing, even if he's not attending? All of a sudden I was turned off on our colleague relationship. When we were at the coffee shop working, he was wearing a lot of cologne and sitting close to me. To me if you are looking to date just do that-don't do all of these other things.
I'm just going with my gut these days. Every time I go against it I pay through the nose. I regret that we are not going to have a professional relationship, as I really need to network and find a job, but I think he has another motivation. Plus I don't like that it feels like he has tabs on me. I was surprised to see the text and it bugged me that he was thinking about me late and wondering where I was.
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
You know, I get this kind of treatment even in strictly professional settings. My psychiatrist's billing person, who works from another state but the same time zone as me, she sent me a bunch of texts, e-mails.... at 6:45 PM on a Sunday night! What?? I ignored all of them. I never replied, and I still won't reply to the billing person. I will say something to the psychiatrist the next time I have a session with him. What happened to "normal business hours" being Monday through Friday, 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM? I was NOT expecting a bunch of texts and e-mails late on a Sunday night from a business setting. Honestly? It has made me look at my new psychiatrist a bit differently now, as far as his professionalism.
See, it's a lot to do with boundaries, and setting boundaries. If we don't set our boundary with someone, and make it clear what our boundary is, they will keep showing up and popping up, again and again. Like that guy, for example in your post. That's why I asked what happened after he sent that late night text?
You're doing the right thing, getting away from this guy. Not worth it.
I guess I'm not surprised I'm single. Everything, I mean everything, scares me off. I suppose this would not be an issue if I had some attraction, then I wouldn't mind so much. The unfair reality is that when you are not attracted to someone more than a friend, you tend to see things through the lens of "creepy" rather than "hot".
If I was down for some kind of fling or didn't mind sexual attention, this would not be an issue....but that's just where I'm at. In communication, I think context, timing, etc. are everything.
You are so right, that is true. Sometimes we let cute or hot people get away with more things, than someone we are not attracted to. You are right about that! Not saying it's a good thing, but it is the truth in life.
Please do continue to set your boundaries and stick to them. There will always be people out there who will test your boundaries, or act inappropriately.... no shortage of people like that in this world. Not your fault at all. These people prey on anybody and everybody. Stick to your boundaries and you will be just fine! :-)
My sister was texting me at 4-5 am for a while. My sister is both self-absorbed and oblivious. And she’d be ugly when I texted or called her at 8 pm. She was tired she said, and she bitched me out. Honestly, she’s got an undiagnosed mental health problem — or maybe dementia starting. I’m worried for her but she won’t listen to anyone else.
My friend is simply self-absorbed. This is when she has time to text!
We teach people how to treat us. I do not respond that late or early and when the phone alerts are off, I don’t even see the messages till later the next morning.
Author Bill Eddy has a defining question, does 90% of people act or talk this way? The answer is usually no and helps us clarify our thoughts.
I have totally done this and not realized. I wouldn’t stand for texting me in the middle of the night but other more subtle things and I have been love bombed and ignored my gut. I feel like my instincts are so skewed so good on you for paying attention to yours. This guys potential for networking isn’t worth his creeping. It’s a bit intense him looking at your plans and commenting on them. He’s a stranger so it is creepy.