Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
So much of my life and relationships have been going through changes. Unless I am just completely paranoid, and I may be, I don't know. I find that many if not almost all of the people in my life have ulterior motives, and appear to have values that they do not actually.
Finally in middle age I'm being able to see through people. There have been relationships, longstanding ones, that have had to end because of it. But there are a few people in my life that I thought were really trustworthy. I'm not so sure now. I may be going solely to my support group and my therapist to work on myself and my issues, as they have no skin in the game and there's nothing in it for them.
I used to be involved with a support group, where you could call people and talk through things. One of those people I got close to. We were getting to be better friends, but I oddly noticed that she seemed to have a real problem with the other people in my life, like she wished they would go away.
Yesterday, out of the blue I got some flirtatious texts from her. I'm a straight female and not interested in this type of thing. I have lesbian and gay friends, but it was established from the beginning that in their words, "I'm a straight," and so my boundaries were respected.
I get the ICK and scare off easily with people. Recently, the only face-with-heart-eyes emojis I got was from someone, a man, that I was sleeping with. This was the same emoji that she sent me. No context, nothing, just the love-heart-flirt emoji yesterday mid-morning. Honestly my stomach turned. These were the same emojis that I got from a lover. I don't want to gaslight myself and say that I'm overreacting, maybe I am, but I've gaslight myself out of so much that I've sleptwalked into extremely destructive relationships in my life. Red flags just waved past me and I walked right past them. Typically I will minimize, deny, etc. to very destructive ends. I will deny and ignore so much that one day I'm slapped in the face with truly distrubing outcomes.
I feel like it's a violation of trust. My true sense on it is that she thinks that she's gotten to a point with me that she's now going to show her real self and her true intentions. I don't like it. I honestly didn't see this coming. I've known her for over ten years and she should know better at this point I don't roll this way. I'm extremely offended and put off and I don't think I will be moving forward with this "friendship."
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Maybe that is all she means. None of my three friends who do this eye heart emogy thing mean it as sexual or lesbian love. None of us are lesbians as far as I know (we don't discuss our sexual lives). You know this woman better than me. I don't want to gaslight you, either.
Some of us are clueless about the eye heart emogy thing and now I will be a lot more careful. Thank you.
Take a week off from focusing on this offending thing and relax about it. Maybe she didn't mean sexual love.
Yet I also say you should trust your gut instinct also. I didn't trust my gut instinct with a woman recently, I heard my gut starting to yell about this woman but I didn't listen, and it turned out she failed at the task she begged me to allow her to take on in a project. I ended up having to do the task and it was hard for me. She gaslit me and blamed me, for her failings. Now I recognize the signs. So I honor you recognizing the signs.
I might say figure out a way to jokingly text back about the eye heart emogy thing. I would just say it out loud in a funny, pleasant way. "Oh, eye hearts, is that platonic or am I missing a big clue that you mean something else?" Don't accuse or make her feel blamed. Just ask.
I have had girlfriends, platonic, that we say to each other "love you" when a phone call ends. We are not sexual friends, we just respect and honor and like each other enough to say or send love. I am not gay or lesbian. But we say we love each other in a friendship way because it is true. We can love someone of our same gender without having sex.