Hi GMS:

I think the red flags are called red flags because they are the same dysfunction happening again and again.

Most likely your partner has some thing that is wrong which is why he self destructs any job to get his self fired.

Not all jobs are okay because many jobs are horrible, and most entry level jobs always suck the life out of people.

You seem to know what you are doing so he is a lucky man.

My experience tells me that every person and especially men really need to have faith and God to give us direction and motivation, because just going to work to pay our bills is not enough to keep us going. Of course I have no idea of how to inspire such a thing into any one.

My only advice would be for you to make certain that you have your own expenses and rent and take care of your self - and then you will be free to help him.

Working on Recovery for you would
help. Other Wise we just keep finding
the same types of people all over again.
Your Recovery is really all about you not
Him and his issues.

In alanon i learned how to self focus
And to take care of myself emotionally
Mentally and spiritually.

If you look back at your own upbringing
Oftentimes there lays our answers as to
why we Are like we are. We often feel the
need to fix, rescue And help others just not
ourselves. HUGS

I agree with Mr-Know-It-All. They are called red flags because they are red flags.

I also agree that you should focus on you, your health, and happiness. I say let him do what he's going to do... it's his life. If he self destructs again, then cut the strings and move on with your own life (take care of YOU). He's an adult, after all. This may be challenging because you're hard wired to fix other people's problems, neglecting yourself, but you'll have to find a way, if you don't want to be stuck in the same loop.

I agree with the idea of going to Alanon to get the help, strength, and knowledge you need.

In writing from my own experience, reduction of health, Big Time, both physical and mental when trying to 'ignore the red flags' and push on to be supportive doesn't work.

You asked for advice, focus on yourself and your needs,
this is Not Selfish,
this Is Self-Caring.

I'd also offer Al-Anon as a way to get your ducks in a row so your upper body and your feet are both moving at the same speed....thus reducing the hamster wheel in your head.

Hi. I am new here. This is what I needed to hear today. Struggling with trying to fix my husband again. Feeling angry and upset. I know I cannot control him but that does not make it easier.

Welcome to the group Barb.

We can only fix and control
Ourselves not others. We Get
Sick trying.

Learning how to self focus and
Detaching helps us and no its
not Easy to do, HUGS

I am so frustrated. My husband just spent 7 weeks in detox/rehab.

He talked a good game while he was there. Sounded like he was finally getting it.

I just celebrated 8 years of sobriety. He has been going to A.A. with me the entire time. He still was drinking. His drinking escalated the last two years, he was verbally abusive, isolated and in dependable.

The first week he was out he went to a couple different meetings but began falling into the same patterns by the end of the week, Do far this week he has done nothing to work on a program, refuses to answer calls, I come home to half finished jobs and him sleeping in the couch. He eventually moves from the couch to bed.

I am crushed.

I am very sorry for your pain, hugs

Hi Barb, welcome to this group.

My opinion is that doing 7 weeks in detox/rehab along with his wife being active in AA and now he has gone back to the abuse - then that is it - that is the maximum boundary line.

Your comment does not seem like you really are crushed but that you still intend to fix him and to save him and to control him even now after the game is over and finished.

Being over and finished is the boundary line - and we violate the boundaries by trying to keep doing things which are already done.

We must accept the things that we can not change.

You can not give your hubby any more because there is nothing more to give him.

He has made his own decision for his own life - and he has decided to keep drinking - and it is his decision to continue being abusive.

You do not have to divorce him and do not have to leave him - but you do need to stop any enabling, and so you stop making his excuses and you stop trying to fix him - and just accept the reality that he is a lost soul and it is only his own problem.

I have a crazy wild son 43, and I tried everything that I could, and I still wait and pray for some miracle to happen with him, but I myself am powerless toward his life and his abuses and his addictions.

You might consider going to Al-Anon for people who have a loved one with a drinking problem - it is very different from AA, and I only went to a few meetings with Al-Anon many years ago, but those few meeting really did help me a lot.

Take care of thy self.

I am going to double dip on this one. My husband just spent 7 weeks in rehab for alcoholism.

He seemed to be getting it this time. I have been sober 8 years.

I came home from work and he was drunk. He is drinking Listerine mouthwash. He does this so he can lie about drinking. He was passed out and there was his glass of Listerine on the rocks.

I cannot live like this. He just wasted 7 weeks of our lives.

Alanon does help a lot, hugs