Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I went back and looked over my posts here for about the past year. I didn't listen when others told me to walk away a year or so (a life coach had suggested I do so). I guess I really didn't want to believe that my friend group was dominated by a narcissist, that is what some people have said. I've learned that people who are devoted to a narcissist a lot are probably controlled by them and will continue to support them no matter how much they hate the person deep down.
It took a major life crisis, me having an accident and my mom nearly dying, for the reality to come into focus. When I returned from abroad to visit my mom at the hospital and went back to my car in the parking lot, the narcissist that I am referring to had left a message saying that she was asking to see how my mom was doing. She didn't. It was a ruse, I picked up the phone to call her back and she suddenly changed the subject, and starting screaming at me for cancelling my party due to breaking my leg. It was awful. We were in a shouting match and I hung up. It took something as major as that to really see how bad she actually was.
I thought that some of the other collateral relationships were salvageable. Boy was I wrong. Her cousin ended up standing me up at a restaurant right after that. I had always wondered why, in my mind, they both had so many conflicts with others, always embroiled in something, I saw a lot of red flags. Well now I know. I mean who does that? Who calls you up to scream at you and tell you off because THEY didn't get to attend a party you cancelled while your mom is in the hospital and you yourself and injured-a narcissist-that is who does that.
Going forward, I will pay attention to red flags, suspicious stories and whatever seems wrong. And if others are warning me off, I'm going to listen to that too. I really got burned.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
We have to listen to, and be true to, our own gut feelings.
It is hard when they put us in the "out-group" but that is how they control others to get back in line and be controlled.
Red flags, oh, yes, so easy to ignore and pretend everything is okay. I did this last summer. There was this woman who pretended to be my friend. First she buttered me up, constant flattery and I bought it hook. line and sinker. Then she started telling me how I was wrong all the time. Her own behaviors blew things up.
And recently, well she texts me a nasty gram again, she is the victim of me and she let me know how I had hurt her. I had her blocked but then deleted her contact because well, we are not friends, not ever again, her personality issues are too serious. And she snuck in and got one last mean text totally blaming me again.
But this time I told her straight out how her own behaviors caused the problem. And put it all on her if she wants to talk about it, which would mean her gaining a new perspective on what happened. I gave her time to reply which was a weird "thank you for your response." And I blocked her again.
I also thought "who does this kind of stuff" regarding this woman! A huge red flag.
I got really burned by this woman also and then again with her recent text message blaming me for causing all the problems. I call this stuff dropping a pain infliction bomb on me.
These are people we simply can't trust with our minds, our hearts, our souls. We have to learn to be self-protective with certain people.
So be careful of that kind of verbal confusion causing stuff. They often say we need to respect their opinion -- but of course, they don't respect ours.
We want to have friends, we want to be appreciated and liked.