I know this is going to be a mean post, but I need to say it here-where it's anonymous and it can't get back.

I feel like my friend is a nutcase. There, I said it.

She is about ten years older than me, maybe that is part of the reason for the perceived incompatibility on my part.  I met her through a really good friend of mine, who is compatible with me. She was my friend's friend and we hung out as a group. She has always been very difficult. 

Now she is impossible. 

With the natural fluctuation of time, and the stressors of Covid, and the fact that she had a stroke and has kidney disease now, things have really changed. I know this sounds awful and judgmental. She used to work and now is not. What I am saying here is that there are significant changes to her personality. I always had quite a hard time with her. She was always dominating, controlling, a tad narcissistic. I am much more laid back and could handle it. Since her health issues and her quitting work permanently, and the advent of Covid, she's a nightmare.  I have always accommodated her, followed silently, been a good listener and flexible. This is my natual personality and it tends to draw people towards me, but sometimes the wrong people. When these tendencies go to far, the positives become codependency and being a spineless dormat-not a cool, chill laid back person.

I'm not willing to accommodate her to the extent she wants. We are both "triple vaxxed."  Me, for my profession, and her, due to her health, are vaxxed to to the max!  I followed Covid protocols-for a long time.  I'm done now, variant be damned. I  can't do this anymore. We've been friends all these years because we had the outdoors in common, and our common friends. She is, at core, a nice person. But to me she is really flawed.  We generalliy are of the same political persuasion for the most part, and I still think she is too extreme, even though we're generally in the same camp there. 

Lately, her demands are impossible: everyone who is in her social circle MUST be vaccinated to hang out with her.  When we got in her car today-she told me to put on a mask, and we are both vaccinated! Jeeze! Yesterday, before we went to get together for an OUTDOOR walk in the part-she grilled me with questions: do you have symptoms, are you coughing, do you have a fever? I was so mad.  I could see this last year in 2020, but now, really?  

We used to go on road trips in the same car, but I REFUSE to mask up being fully vaxxed.  Plus, I want to have a party with people of different types-different politicial ideas (as long as they are not too far out) people who are pro and anti-vax. I have a wide variety of acquaintances and friends of various persuasions. I'm open.  I just feel like if she is present at a get-together, the whole thing is going to explode because she is so narrow. At times, she brings up the former president, which I get can be a concern, but I'm not obsessed with it. She wants to keep a 'full supply of medication" in case there is going to "be another Holocaust" like the 1940's.  I honestly think she is totally out there. she "has to have her medication on hand...in case she has to leave with everything on her back...because there might be another Holocaust."  (?????)

Hmmm, the news is saying another asteriod is coming to earth soon.  I might want to dig a hole in the ground.

I don't want to go on any more road trips with her anymore. I felt like the last one was a nightmare. This was just a simple walk in the park. When some guy took our pics with her phone, she cleaned it and her hands off with sanitizer. If anyone comes into her realm, a couple feet in, she says, "Are you vaccinated?"  This has caused fights. She calls the theater to complain because they don't do a good enough job enforcing masks.  Plus, she walks like 15 feet in front of me when taking a walk.  I actually said out loud, "Wow, it's like the Middle East!"  (like women following men behind them).  She said "What?" I didn't answer.  I said, "nevermind."

In my opinion, she acts oblivious, no concept or awareness, like "Yeah, it's so rude to walk fifteen feet ahead of my friend, so arrogant." No clue.

I was watching the others on the bike path-seeing people of similar energy levels and pace, walking together, in sync, in tandem, in the flow-like with like-and then I'm thinking: "Wow, we are so dissimilar in energy and attitude-her up there, me back here, what a mismatch."  What gets me is her utter lack of awareness.

Lastnight she was wailing and complaining, "I'm so old and no prospects!!! No one will date me!!! Waaaahhh!"  She stated the reason we might be friends is that we are both single. Well if that's the case, that's  not enough reason to be friends, there has to be a lot more in common than that. So what happens if I find another relationship-we don't have anything in common anymore?

I have to ask myself, "Why do I continue to do this?" Is it loneliness, or because my true friends are her cousin and the other women in the group?

My God!