When my ex started with the flirting with women on facebook.
He was long checked out and showing his disrespect for me And
our marriage. I should have marched my sorry butt out the door, it
Did not improve, i allowed the disrespect by staying with him.

Get into therapy or CODA meetings to help guide you. It is a long
hard Journey out. This stuff is when the codie rears its ugly head.
I don't know If i could have left, i stayed to the bitter end and i am
Still paying for it. HUGS

If they dont respect You, they do not love you and
if they respected You they would not have cheated.
HUGS

No. You're not overreacting. I just read a study that most people move on after a relationship and stop talking to exes and that the ones who remained in contact with exes were usually hoping to get back together with them at some point. I caught my ex talking to his "ex gf" after telling me he didn't have any contact with any exes. Turns out this woman was his wife and he had been lying to me all along. They were separated and she was with another guy but my ex was talking to her every single day and hiding it from me. HUGE red flag. They're divorced now (after I broke up with him). I actually caught him cheating on me with another married woman whom he always told me I had nothing to worry about because she was his "best friend" and was friends with her husband and their entire family and I had "nothing to worry about". If someone is lying to you to hide their communication with another person, there's a reason why. He knows it's wrong and he wants to do it anyway. Why is he hiding it? I think you are perfectly within your right to give him an ultimatum. I always told myself I was overreacting to the things I caught my ex doing and look where it got me... That gut feeling exists for a reason. I'm trying to learn how to trust it now instead of repressing it like I always did.

I'm so jumbled up now. I was prepared to leave. I had actually spoken on the phone with her (his ex) and we had a very nice conversation. She had asked him several times if I was okay with the two of them still talking. Obviously I'm not, and obviously he hasn't asked me. I might have been, if we could've been introduced. Maybe dinner or lunch. "I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend." type thing. Many guys are still in good relations with their ex, but if they are and they have a girlfriend now. I feel, typically the guy is respectful and cares enough about his current girl friend to make sure she is up to date on EVERYTHING. everything concerning his exes. Am I wrong to think that he should feel the urge to tell me if the meet up or if they're talking again?

I asked him the same. If I had been talking to and met up with an old relation. Would he be okay with that, and he admitted that he not.... It would be an issue for him. So I asked why it was so different for it to be an issue for me? He seemed to cease his defense after that.

After our long talk I gave up and just told him how I struggle with this. with codependency. He knows I get high anxiety. But he hasn't any idea what codependency is... I gave him some examples of it and its affect on me....

He just seemed to be processing it. I'm feeling fearful that I shouldn't have told him. But he wanted me to stay with him that night, and seemed to warm up to the idea that things like this, his ex, are a much bigger deal to me than he realized.

Sometimes my heart beats louder than my head. In my heart, I know he loves me and would do nothing to hurt me. He just goes about his day and doesn't think much of certain events. But sometimes my head rings louder telling me that every second I'm not with him, he is with another women and his intentions are more than just friends for those other women in his life. Right now my head is ringing.

I wouldn't discard your gut feelings so easily. Even if you did talk to the ex, he still lied about it. You have plenty good reason to feel betrayed. And you did nothing wrong telling him about your codepency issues either. Just be careful not to have said it with the expectation that it will change his behaviour, rather focus on freeing yourself from that expectation so you can focus on caring about yourself.

I'm not saying you have to leave him, but really give yourself some space... because it sounds like from your original post that he knew for sure it would hurt the relationship if he kept communicating with his exes and he kept doing it anyway. You have to consider whether it's some thing you'll resent later if you keep lowering the bar of expectations for him. And whether this is really healthy for you in the long run.

Tell him how it is... Draw the boundary and let him decide.....100% or 0%......his choice.

Slippery slop....it sounds like you are accepting his dysfunction's over your well being which is a big red flag. Compromising ourselves is the beginning of a long painful road. ..get support now. I wish I knew.about codepens years ago. ..just accepting it now and healing. The path to healing is the best path ever! Sending love!