One of my friends seems to have a big problem.  She confided to me that her stepbrother was molesting her stepsister when they were kids.  I have met and interacted with them both. I kinda suspected this because there was a hella awkward vibe when I was around them both.  I wish she never told me, honestly. I could have gone my whole life not knowing this and been just fine.  I felt sick inside when I heard this.  

I think back to two years ago, and I remember: he was there at the Thanksgiving dinner, OMG. I was eating Thanksgiving Dinner with a sexual predator. NO. WAY.  She almost invited me for Christmas too. 

I don't blame her or hold it against her, that is obviously not her fault.  But, what I DO object to is that she talks about it and brings it up to me. This bugs me. The reason it bugs me is because she *can't* seem to understand why plans with the family keep falling through, why they are always dodging each other, why "no one can seem to be in the same place at the same time."  Really? She can't figure out why she doesn't want to hang out in the same room as the man who molested her???  She makes excuses, "But he's family!!!"  Are you serious???

She really should keep it to herself. I feel like I'm being pulled into the middle of it because she invites me over when they ditch her, yet again.  If they are not there, it's not that big a deal for me to hang, but it bothers me that she does not see why her trying to force the both of them to hang out is a problem. I think it's her denial that upsets me.  I was abused when I was a teenager and my family didn't do anything about it, so I find this triggering.  And I have nothing to do with the person.  To be fair, she is aware of abuse that has occurred in my family-but she has not met many of these people, nor do I expose her to them.  I'm not going to put my friends in this awful position.  But she has the gist of what happened with the domestic violence, etc, and my creepy family members.  I never ask her to be present with these people, nor do I assosciate with them myself.  When I hear about her scenario, I remember my situation.  I keep thinking of it from her point of view.  (the sister who was victimized). 

Someone else said that I need to tell her I don't like it and say that we can hang out, but that I have conditions on the friendship. Conditions rarely, if ever, work.  I can't make her choose between myself and her family, which is effectively what would be happening.

Their family has helped me a lot over the years, and they let me stay at their house after I had surgery.  It's not a bad friendship.  For some reason it was really getting to me this weekend. Probably because she called me Thursday and said that they ditched her again and that she wanted me to come over.  Somehow I had a feeling I was going to get a phone call Thursday and I did.  The whole thing felt really off.  I don't want to be exposed to that-even if they weren't there.  They were supposed to be.