The comment from your mom sounds immature and negative. It is a shame tactic probably because she is filled with shame. Being married to an alcoholic tends to create shame within human beings. We feel like we failed because they are a drunk.

She has likely been this way all your life, maybe all her life. Life may have disappointed her and she can't say anything positive at this point.

Your mom is a blamer. She can't handle reality and the real issues (the dad getting drunk, being an alcoholic) so she blames and shames.

If you can step away from your anger because she tried to dump shame on you, you might be able to embrace some compassion and empathy for your very dysfunctional and unhappy mom. Let her be a role model for you on how not to live your life. Let her be the example of who you don't want to be like. You are stronger and better internally, emotionally than she is and she knows it. Instead of being happy that her adult child is doing so well emotionally, it actually challenges her and she doesn't like it. If you were on her level, she'd not have to feel less than you. Imagine that, she feels less than you and many people, all her life she carries this shame, the guilt, the not liking herself.

Do not take what she says personally. It is not about you as you. The shame is within her and she has to vent that shame or blow her stack. She has no idea what she is doing or how to fix her own inner unhappiness. She tries to force her kids to "get along" because her shame compels her to focus on the wrong thing. Her focus is on faking that everything is okay because she is so full of shame and self dislike that she has to do something to ease her emotional pain. Narcissistic behavior is based on a deep wound within the person and they are often full of shame, guilt, low self esteem even if they are faking being so great people.

Google the following chart and read over it daily as it helps us change our thinking. We can only change our thinking, not change them, but we will be happier changing to healthy thinking.

It is called "unhelpful thinking styles" and it is all over the internet. Some call it dysfunctional thinking styles.

You are a smart human being. You are growing. I admire you. Hugs and Happy New Year.

Mothers are the best at laying on the guilt trip. My mom did something similar when I told her I confronted one of my students who would skip my class every morning about how he needed to start coming in the mornings because that's when I teach Math, and he responded by not coming to school at all. My mother said, "oh, couldn't you have complimented him or told him something nice instead?" as if I haven't done complimented and told him all the stuff he did right and how smart he was before I finally had it with him feeling like he could walk into class whenever and veg on his phone and told him, dude, you need to take this seriously. In my mom's defense, she doesn't know the whole story or the culture that I teach in, and I did tell her that only 7 out of my 27 students come regularly, so I can see why she's concerned that I'm doing something wrong to scare off students.

Like hasty_05 said, try not to take it personally. It says more about them and either their shame or fear than it is about our character.

One thing I found in dealing with guilt to figure out exactly what you're feeling guilty about so you can make points against it. I did see you do a lot of thinking rationally against the guilt you felt about leaving the group and realizing that staying with people who support a person that is toxic isn't good for you. Good on that.

That said, I'm pretty sure leaving a toxic situation isn't what you're feeling about guilty. I'm pretty sure your inner critic isn't telling you you're wrong for leaving a rotten situation or rotten people. More likely, it's saying something like, you didn't try hard enough or give people enough chances. Or you're abandoning people that rely on you. Or that you're too picky or demanding too much. You're not "friend material." Stuff like that. I found making rational and healthy arguments against the specific accusations my guilt was making about my worth as a person really helped me.

For instance, in my case with that student, my mom's comment touched a nerve because it made me question if I'm a good teacher. Maybe I should have just let him stay on his phone and skip math, was it harsh that I address those issues. Maybe my class wasn't fun enough. Maybe if I made learning more fun, he's come. But my students who do attend says I'm a fun teacher, (and the fun only makes sense if you come REGULARLY. Of course you're going to be lost if you miss 60% of the lessons) and his last year teacher said he only showed up two days, and there's nothing wrong with telling a student that they need to come to class regularly. At the end of the day, my mom's comment didn't bug me at the end of the day that much because I know I'm a good teacher.

(Now when someone makes a comment on me as a family member or partner, however, oh boy, I've exploded at people.)

FWIW, I lost a lot of friends when I refused a medical treatment that ended being more political than it should have been, and as someone who would lie and do ANYTHING to get people to love me, it actually wasn't that bad losing their good view of me. I'm not saying it didn't suck. It sucked a lot and I still get panic attack when that medical treatment is brought up. But in the end, I discovered I really do value authenticity and honesty. I've been discovering that the most important relationship in my life is the one I have with myself, so my focus has been shifting from what other people think of me to doing what I need to be at peace with myself. I still get super depressed and guilty and hate myself, but I have found that people rejecting me doesn't hit me as personal as it did before.