Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Some people like the thrill of conflict, narcissists are an example of this. They enjoy the charge that they get out of a good fight and they like to win, as this is the way they are and their nature.
People with codepedent tendencies don't handle conflict very well, and many avoid it. I've been like this. I realize in my adult life that this is not a good strategy. I've become much better at saying what I need to say without getting really angry.
A minor example would be bad service of some sort that results in an inconvenience. One example is my stylist. Since the beginning of this year, he did two amazing cuts, I was so happy, and on this third one...I don't know what happened. I wear a shorter cut so it's really obvious when one side is longer than the other. Plus the layers were all different lengths...I don't know what he was doing that day. I think he was rushing.
This is quite a petty example, but still an example. My instinct is to avoid and simply never call him again, or get very angry and overreact. Neither works and at least one is a codependent response. This isn't the discount cut shop. I paid really good money. So, I texted him Thursday and asked if he had time to chat this weekend. I considered both him and myself in this. He takes pride in his work, so I need to communicate with him without upsetting his pride. He said he would be available before three today. I decided to stop in because it's really hard to see something like this in a photo or communicate over text. I did not make an appointment but it is botched work so I'm not sure why I need to do that for botched work. I wasn't expecting him to do something or fix it then, but I did want him to take a quick look at it.
He was not happy that we didnt' make an appointment, but oh well, it looks incredibly stupid. Once sitting in the chair, he saw it and realized it was not good. I told him I wanted to give him the opportunity to see it himself and respond. I think that's fair. Sometimes when customers are really upset they will go somewhere else to fix bad work, and I have done this, but that really isn't the best approach. This goes for all kinds of services.
If he was defensive and would not take a look at it, then forget it, I would be on to another stylist. He did some minor fixes but admitted he would have to go through the whoe thing again. He even said, "What IS this?!?"
As an aside, I feel like since the pandemic the work ethic as we know it is eroded, if not gone. Just my impression.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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It's been some time since my last post...sorry. I've been going through a challenging time with the sale of my home, purchase of a condo and my adult asperger son that lives with me. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed, days where I stayed in my pj's and days where all I managed to do was eat, drink fluids and take care of my Sweet Mia kitty. Sweet Mia came to me from a shelter about...
You were very nice to him. If you had been angry and belittled him in any way, he would have been defensive and probably tried to blame you instead.
My ex wife told me a long time ago, "It's not what you say but how you say it that counts and so you spoke from your heart instead of your ego and you made things right for both him and you, in the process.
All I can say is "Perfect!" You are an excellent example for others to follow!
God Bless
When I arrived, I could tell he was not thrilled. I was not expecting him to fix it or do anything immediately, just to see it. He said I should have made an appointment, that he didn't have time, and that he was already behind. I think, actually, that is why the errors were made in the first place, he was rushed, overbooked, and was rushing through the job. He had made comments about how he wished he could have taken the day off that day.
When he looked at it and admitted that it didn't look right, he said he would be glad to fix it free of charge, but that I would need to make an appointment. That seemed fair to me, so I texted him to make an appointment, and now I am being ghosted. I received no response.
I don't like that. I feel bad, like maybe I am too picky and demanding, but I did pay a lot of money for it. I really think places should be able to guarantee their work and listen to the customer. I wasn't mean to him and I didn't act like a Karen, I sent him a friendly text, saying, "Are you available to chat for a bit?" I complimented him on the color and said it was the trim I wanted to address.
So it looks like I will be on stylist number four, who knows, maybe I am a pain the neck. The last one didn't work out because he had severe anxiety disorder and couldn't handle being in the salon, so that wasn't going to work.
I was just poking around on the internet and saw a place that has a do-over policy in regards to things just like this, you can come in within ten days. They have a work guarantee. That's why I stopped in within the week, because if it goes too long the complaint doesn't hold water as much and it tends to grow out.
I'm not feeling the ghosting and ignoring. That makes me more angry than anything, just like with the career coach and the emails bouncing back. This style of non-handling issues seems to be new now, and not just in dating. It's just, "this makes me uncomfortable so I will just put my head in the sand." Even on my own job when I get feedback that makes me feel uncomfortable I have to at least consider there is something to it. Sometimes it's not valid, but sometimes it is.
This certainly isn't a major thing, but I do think I will check out this other salon, they have clear policies and even have 'silent services," so that the stylist won't talk all the way through if you prefer that. That makes sense, because sometimes they feel compelled to talk through the whole thing and don't focus on what they are doing.
I think if he's going to ignore and ghost me, it might be worth taking a look at this other place. I understand everyone makes mistakes and I can accept this as a part of life, but the response to them, or denial of owning them, which is what this feels like by his brushing me aside and blowing me off is not going to work for me.
I just now was reading your post, and I was wondering what happened with your hair cut? Do you have an update on how it went?