Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I am experiencing depression in a big way because I have put myself into two positions that are making me miserable and I have not chosen to walk away.
My hubby and I moved to a new state for our retirement home. I took a new position in this state and I thought I would work it until I retired. The new position wasn't as good as my old one and the pay is bad. Last year was a difficult year, but this year it is gotten so much worse.
In addition to that I volunteered for a nonprofit where some of the women exhibit narcissist behaviors, very unprofessional. Because it's a volunteer organization, you can't exactly fire people. They are volunteers like me. I realized a couple months in what a mistake I had made accepting this position, but I just keep going along, trying to make better of a bad situation. I know it's not my responsibility! I don't have to do this! I am so afraid of losing face that I won't just quit. Instead I dread every meeting and email related to it. It has caused me so much anxiety that I feel it's affecting my health. But to me, that's not a good enough excuse to walk away.
I'm not looking for answers or advice. I know these choices are mine and I can choose otherwise. I just can't make myself do that. Thanks for reading.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
One of the parts of being codependent is we feel shame or guilt for realizing we made a mistake and needing "to walk away." We would not advise a friend to stay and be miserable, would we? No. But we advise ourselves to see this as shame or our mistake so we need to stay and cover up what is really being human.
No human gets it right every dang time. We all pick bad jobs at times. We all have probably realized a time or two that volunteer work is a "den of vipers: narcissistic people" and need to find a good excuse to get out.
Gosh, we lived in a condominium where the others were so cruel, mean, refusing to bring the property up to code even when the city gave us a fine. People saying ugly to each other just to be bullies. We moved and my husband went along with me on this but the peace of mind without living in a "den of vipers" or narcissistic people was more pleasant.
I was just re-reading a favorite book and I saw it all with new eyes. Melody Beattie's The New Codependency. I like this one because she discusses generational behaviors of codependency and ways to think about things.
Please let me encourage you to drop the self blame and shame or guilt. Please start to love yourself and have self respect. You matter.
We give ourselves health issues when we have too much chronic stress. Dreading every meeting, and email, is chronic stress. You matter. At some point if you work your healing program, you will be able to walk away from a bad situation because your body and soul and mind will matter more to you.
In a codependent lifestyle we try to please, get acknowledgement for what we do instead of ''''giving to ourselves the acknowledgement' of achievement.
You clearly """know""" what needs to be done and stated ""I have put myself into two positions that are making me miserable and I have not chosen to walk away."""
A long time ago when I was in Alanon a phrase that came to my mind when reading """When the pain of where you are is greater than the fear of where you are going, that is when you will make a change".
If the volunteer organization is a place where you deeply believe in the work, then perhaps you could find another organization to volunteer at...
Peace and Healing To You and To The World At Large <3