Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I went to an in-person coda group for the first time in a long time, maybe a year. It reminded me of some things. I was invited to two different gatherings for this weekend that I felt extremely stressed about attending, felt guilty like I "could not" say no. Like I should go and that I should be loyal. The reality is some of these people and situations have become toxic. Or, at the very least I just am not in a place to deal with some of these people. Probably a bit of both. All I could think of at the one invitation was 'I just don't want to see you.' They said they'd love to see me, and I was thinking, 'it is not mutual.' At least I have to honor this is what I am really feeling. I am polite about declining invitations but what I am thinking in my head is "oh no."
I went against my usual inclination to cave in just to make other people happy. I said no to botrh invitations. One of them was for today, Sunday, and I just really needed a day to myself. That's the day I usually go to meditation, do laundry, shop, clean and all the stuff that I need to do to get my life in order for the next week.
I was amazed at what a great weekend I had. I went to a different gathering on Saturday instead of the one I was invited to where I usually felt tense and uneasy. I had forgotten all about these other toxic people, completely. It occurred to me later I was in such an amazing mood, relaxed, as I wasn't around that energy. I couldn't believe the difference. About a year and a half ago I was visting them out of obligation or fear of branching out to meet new people. I can hardly believe now that was even a consideration. Thankfully I woke up and smelled the coffee months back that I didn't need to be loyal to people who were probably stabbing me in the back.
Today, Sunday, I didn't go to my friend's mom's house. I know she just got out of the hospital, but I've been so exhausted of listening and supporting them on the phone through their crises. Plus there was one person who was invited there who had years back started yelling at me and called me the B word for no reason. I chose not to go. Again I was amazed at my mood today and overall this weekend, it was so much lighter, so much less stress.
Just goes to show the benefit of putting in space away from negativity. The entire weekend was completely different, it was a really good weekend. I'm glad that I acknowledged that I needed a Sunday day to myself. Otherwise my stress and responsibilities really pile up. I'm glad that I am not pushing or forcing myself to things. I think we are trained this way a lot socially, and it's not always good.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
I repeat that mantra sometimes to myself: don't say yes when you mean no.
This week I had this woman I know slightly text me about a family problem and she is part of that problem. I had to nicely say what about you changing how you act and respond don't react? We shall see how this falls out but I decided I was tired of not telling people the truth. She came to me for "advice" -- I am not butting into her business. I said it with kindness and love but people only want to hear they are the victim and creating a huge war in the family is okay.
And then today another person approached me on Facebook. Wants to use me to promote her own business. I don't believe in her message and feel it is false and she can go promote herself. LOL. I said no. I have not been able to say no for a long time but now I keep reminding myself if I say yes when I mean no, it becomes a huge problem for me later on.
I am so proud of you for doing what your mind and body needed you to do. Way to go and thanks for sharing this. I will think of you when I get to be vacillating about saying yes when I mean no!!! That will remind me to stay strong inside. You rock!