Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I get so anxious when I don't get a text back in the morning when I know he is up and out of bed. I try to not to over think it and remember people just have their own agendas. You don't need to be constantly talking to someone.
God, I get anxiety about getting anxiety. I realize he is busy and going about his day and yet I still feel offended or worried that I havnt heard from him yet this morning. Does any one else experience this roller coaster of unnecessary anxiety?
or in my marriage. I have seen many newbies that are filled
with drama, chaos and Confusion. They are told to start going
To alanon meetings, basically close your mouth, listen and
Learn so you can heal and grow. It takes lots of chair time
And willingness to truly Work the program.
Most it is their own dysfunction and codependence and really
Not knowing any different. My ex was not active and we did not
hang around With any actives or drama types. We still crashed
and burned Because it was still an dry alcoholic marriage and
all it broughtTo the table.
CODA really focusing on being codie where alanon does not
Really talk much about it but it is all the same thing.
Dysfunction, codepedency, abuse, narcissism, addictions.
Other mental illnessness more seen in the addiction side.
They drink and drug to stop the hurt and pain of their Demons.
We all have our stuff, Codie is on both sides of the Coin with
addictions. Many A's are codie too and need enablers To keep
going on their path of self destruction.
Detachment is a key word and its hard to start and it takes
Time and effort. Stay out of others stuff and pay attention
To only yours. You can not fix anyone but yourself and you
Can drive yourself insane trying to fix a broken relationship.
I tried and tried some more till i almost had a breakdown.
HUGS
And it is tied to my codependency. I have it in spades
Now and not sure how to treat it without meds. All
Kinds of things have happened since the divorce.
I was never into controlling or micromanaging my
Ex as i said we did not live like that. He was always
Somewhat controlling, selfish and self centered it
Was not glaring though more controlled.
I really need to learn more about BP yours could
Be obessions where someone like me is addicted
To the addict. There is a very fine line there. HUGS
But there were underlying unresolved issues
On both sides of the fence. They eventually
Won out. Everyone thought my ex and i were
Married for life and that we were doing okay.
HUGS
You've truly described a scenario I lived almost daily. I knew the time my ex would wake up, I knew when he would leave for work, and I knew of his 'assumed' down times such as lunch, or when he would leave work. So when he didn't reach out to me during these times, I would get anxiety in thinking "who he is talking to that is more important than me?". Which is a horrible, horrible thought. It even got to the point where I could see his phone records - and if texted a platonic girl friend before me in the morning, it would drive me mad. Without even knowing the context of the text or reasoning - and typically once I found out, I would feel extremely stupid.
Unfortunately for me I learned my lessons a little too late. We still talk and try to have some form of a friendly relationship. I of course had to take action steps to not snoop through his phone records. But it's important to know that people's (not just guys) minds can work differently - even though they are focused on something else at the time, does not mean you are not important.
Codependency is a constant struggle, and for me isn't something I can just switch off. My ultimate goal is to feel comfortable and happy by myself. But my baby steps starting with not feeling dependent on my ex in particular. If I felt anxious to talk to him, or that he wasn't responding - I would reach out to another friend instead. I would then get into a conversation with multiple people and would almost lose track of time that my ex wasn't texting me. It's also helped me build stronger relationships with friends that were once dwindling.
I also went through a week where I jam packed my week with things to do. But things that I enjoyed. I made nail and hair appointments to make myself feel good, I planned dinner dates with girlfriends where we stayed out late drinking wine and catching up, or even when I was at home I still made it a point to turn off my phone and read a book. By doing all of these things, I felt happy that I was having fun without my partner - I was living my life still. But also, it was a good way to put myself in my ex's shoes - being busy and constantly on the go doing things... I lost track of time, I was worried about being late, or I was enjoying time with friends that I didn't realize how late it was and how tired I was from the work week. But because I was feeling these things, it did not make me feel any less of him. I was just simply busy. It's just a good eye opener.
Just catch yourself in the moment, and breathe - everything is fine. :)
I had spoken with my mom and she suggested I try something like this. Thank you so much for your input. I would hate to ruin what I have with him right now like I have with partners in the past. I'm really trying to address my issues. It really helps to know that there is a solution and I am not stuck like this forever.
I can't express to you how much your input and experience means to me. <3 HUGS
He has been very supportive. I don't think he has dealt with these kind of hardships with his significant others in the past, so I get anxiety that he will get sick of me. So far though.. He has been understanding and is starting to figure out how best to comfort me.