Booky is not wrong this is a fact and when you are in codependency you can not see it in yourself. Hats off to everyone here just for being here and willing to write. I have done twenty years of work on myself and I have a sister who functions exactly like the mother who was abused by her mother and she will tell you she has made sure not to raise her family like she was raised. To heal you have to be open and DIG INTO all the information you can because we are all individuals and our CODA is unique to each of us. Being in bad relationships for example what is your part??? You choose the person you are in the relationship with and choose the same kind of person over and over. CODAS do that and then they cry, complain, call everyone for help etc. It is a cycle or a dance done over and over. I was a victim of a stalker and my therapist ask me well what is your part in it going on so long?? I was furious how could he ask this?? Years later I could see I would call the stalker when i needed something and he was always there I took him on vacation to vegas and got him a rental car so he would not slit my tires and keep me from going and made a agreement with him to leave me alone while i visited my family in vegas then we got back on the plane and came home and went back to stalker/ victim. Booky is right.