Yes and a better way of making a statement is "If I allow my happiness to be effected on another person's mood, am I co dependant?"
Welcome, your not alone.
I personally have spent years relying on others moods to make me happy. It gave me something to think about other than my own problems. Working on your personal health really is the hardest thing a co dependant person can do for themselves. I have to stop and look at myself and stop worrying what others are thinking. Take that on and run with it. I personally believe it is a lifetime process...
Cheers

This is from codependents.org website.

Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.

Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.


Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.


Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.


Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

Many of those fit me to a tee, imagine that!

Now what do I do?

I guess it is a lifelong proscess. My life is more then half over and I haven't even started yet, oh well, thanks guys!

In the words of Winston Churchill, "It's all right to be a late bloomer, as long as you don't miss the flower show." Hang in there... at least you recognize the need for change.

Bob, what you do now is simple (yet so hard). You A) continue down the same path as you've always done, or B) you take an entirely new path that leads you down a road towards yourself. This is a trip many of us are on. We'll be glad to have you keep us company on the way. Welcome to the board.

Being codependent is not a death sentence. Admitting you have a problem and seeking help is the first step. Literally. Help is out there and so is a recovery so you may have true and loving relationships.

I have been in your shoes. It is painful and sad. But there is help out there and support. It has taken me what seems like a lifetime to get to the point where I can be ok and be happy even if my partner is not. Now I can offer support instead of thinking that it was my responsibility to repair that other person.

You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you!

bobinmaine,
keep working it.. coda group work well
it a safe enviroment where you can say things about your needs and no one can interup you..
keep coming back
the photo was taken in Puerto Rico

Bob.. I read your profile and see that you are a friend of Bill W and Dr. Bob.

Your AA 12 Step should take care of your codependency although I do think it is a good idea to attend a Coda group, or adult children of alcoholics group, and if you have another alcoholic or drug addict in your life Alanon. These groups focus on those who want to lose themselves into other people, places, or things. Although alcohol would require it .. most of the focus in AA is about staying sober.. not about changing relationship behaviors..

There are several book out about codependency you might want to pick up.. The authors are Melodie Beatty and Pia Melody.

I went ahead and mentioned the AA part since you have it on your profile..

Ya know, who really knows if we're codependent or just normally caring? Some years ago I met a woman (not in recovery) whose husband was out of town in a treatment center for depression. The woman said, when he's not happy I'm not happy. To me that sounded so very codependent. But who knows when the line gets blurred between normal caring, and a problem such as codependency? I guess if we're in recovery and we think something is a problem, it probably is, because for folks like us, so-called "normal" behavior is virtually unknown. The good news is, we are in recovery so we have all the hope in the world for getting better.

There's a big difference between caring and caretaking. Caring says I see you're in a bad situation. I can sympathize and I'll listen if you need to talk. Caretaking says I see you're in a bad situation. Let me do everything I can to bail you out of it and ensure you feel no consequences of this situation.

Every now and then everyone does a little caretaking. In normal circumstances, it's not for very long and it's not to an unlimited degree. Example. A friend allowed his sister in law to come and stay with them with the agreement that she would get and hold a job. Once she had a job, she would pay them a small amount of rent and she would need to save until she had a deposit and two months rent on hand so she could get a place of her own. They did this so she wouldn't have to be on the street. She did not save any money, she couldn't keep a job. She broke their agreement so they made her leave. If they were codependent, they would not have given her any stipulations and would not have made her leave at all. You can help someone who wants help. That's the difference between caring and caretaking.

Da Squirm -- That is a great way to look at it. I am just starting to see how I am hurting myself and not really helping others. Your definition got me to think that I do not have to completely shut out others but can be supportive and not take over. Always so easy to say yet hard to do.

I never realized I would learn so much from this small group of people, Thanks everybody!

My biggest problem is that I try to make everyone happy even if I have to turn myself inside out to do it. I don't know why I do that.

yes

I am reading abook called is this love or is it addiction? by Brenda Schaffer and to me this is synonymous to codependancy, it's a great book i picked it up @ 1/2 price books for $7 bucks, worth the investment and what i am learning in there is that I don't look inward to see what I am contributing to the problem, I like outward to see why is everyone else doing what they are doing? It is not up to us to change other people, but accept them as they are and learn that we cannot control them we can control ourselves our thoughts and our perceptions.

Here is something I found out of that book:
Our need to share love is legitimate. This is not the issue. The problem isthat our culture has instilled in us such an unrealistic need for others that we sometimes become dependent, addictive, neurotic, or parasitic. We let others dictate our happiness.

Bob, you may want to find a copy of the book Codependent No More to help you understand.

In my CoDA groups there are many people who have moved from AA, NA or Al-Anon because now that the addictions are no longer active in their lives they are discovering that the root of these addictions is codependency.

You can find some of these books at your local library too!