I may not understand all about this.

He has no right to be angry with you for not wanting to marry him. That is a choice. He is clearly violating your boundaries in big ways.

Is he stalking you? If it seems that is the case, then avoid him like the plague. Stalking situations always get worse and worse.

Is there someone at the meetings who is in charge to help with situations.

Hi Orion: Well, you now know why his relationship broke up--he was way too controlling and demanding and had no life of his own. I'm glad you got to see the real him and blocked him because he was way too aggressive.

Is it possible to call the meeting and find out if he is still attending? If he has stopped attending, then you could go and make sure you sit in an area that is surrounded by people.

I wanted to mention that when someone gets so irate because he broke up with his girlfriend and then asks you to marry him and you won't, that's a bad sign. It's abusive and crazy at the same time. Always have your cell phone charged and with you. Make sure doors are locked. Have something in the car to use as a self defense tool.

If you create a healthy boundary for your self, then you need to stay calm and stand firm and simply tell the Man that you are not interested, and that you are only there for the CoDA meeting, and you already told him "no" about marrying him, so for you that discussion must remain finished and done.

I would suggest that if he invites himself to some outing then that is when you are to speak up and you back out of the outing your self, because that is how you make so that he and everyone else to know that it does not work for you.

Make certain that he and everyone gets that message, because you need to let other people know it too, and then it will stop happening.

You say that = "He just quit totally speaking to me" - so that is fine, as that means he got the message, and so you are to stand by it, because you standing firm is you enforcing the boundary line.

Every Man has been told off by some woman at some point, so you are not breaking some rule by letting any Man know that he needs to back off.

AsTimeGoesBy has some excellent points. We hear of far too many women who tried to stand up to these abusers alone with nothing but boundaries who ended up dead when the abuser lost control.

This is not some simple situation where you have all the control. This person seems dangerous. They become violent without warnings.
Be sure that someone knows where you are and when you should be home and is willing to check in with you frequently and call the police if you don't answer your phone. Or have some code word for danger so this person knows you are being threatened by this person.

Anyone who thinks they have a right to become angry for being refused marriage sounds very dangerous. Too many women ignore the warning signs in their spirit that you are speaking here. They end up hostages, maimed or killed by these sorts. And everyone says later, "but he seemed so nice."

This is NOT a situation you should be dealing with alone. And simply explaining your boundaries is not enough. A social boundary is already breached by demanding that you say, "Yes" to a marriage proposal. No one on earth would accept that anger as a valid reaction (well, no one who is sane would - I can't speak for any man who claims a right to propose a questions for which a "no" is not valid).

Check out the Physical and Emotional abuse group here at DS to read more about this sort of abuse. It happens with strangers, friends, and loved ones. There is great advice on how to stay safe here:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical-Emotional-Abuse/support-group

Please also post this in that group. There are many who can offer really good advice on keeping yourself safe.
This guy may lose it if you explain your boundaries to him. Some consider that a challenge to violate those boundaries and "show you whose really boss". So I would not suggest sharing any more with him than you really need to.

I know some women seem to think it is empowering to "tell them off" but one can never predict how they will react. I would stay away from sharing with him anymore than "hi" and "bye" and that may be too much.

We just don't know how another will react to things. As women, we are statistically lower muscle mass compare to men. They tend to be taller than women. These TWO add up to greater danger for women (statistically) in any confrontation that becomes physical. Please be safe. Keep pepper spray in your car. A bat near the bed and front door. And practice in your mind how to react if things become physical.

If he is NOT an invited guest to private parties, you can have the police escort him away.

I would keep a diary of every interaction with him. Use your phone to record conversations and take pictures as often as possible. Add these to your diary and save them in the phone. They are good evidence in case something more serious happens.

I really don't mean to frighten. I just know too many women who ignore the warning signs, thinking if I just stand my boundaries, then I can be safe. If that were true, no woman would ever be raped in a stairwell. These are just facts of life.
Keep a friend with you as much as you can at these parties.

May I pray for you to stay safe. I really won't if this offends you in any way. And I will NOT be offended if you say NO! You have a right to say NO!
Got it!

Good luck to you
Sunny

Quote SB ="I really don't mean to frighten."

That is all you are doing is preaching fear, and projecting fear.

It is not a virtue to live in fear.

Being afraid is not a thing to promote.

If you have any doubts about this, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 18007997233 and they will talk with you about the situation and discuss precautions. Take no chances.

I want to add a point that years ago when I visited the Meadows Treatment Center that they explained to us that in a codependent family or relationship that the only feeling allowed to be expressed is fear, and that is because every abuser has to have fear in order to control their vulnerable victim.

As such no one who has experienced codependency needs to be told to fear, or taught how to be afraid, because we already got that feeling down-pat and perfect.

What is needed for recovery is to learn how to express courage, and learn how to be brave.

That does not mean doing stupid things or ignoring danger, because we still have to live with our healthy feelings of fear, and we can be both brave and afraid at the same time.

It is okay to be afraid when it is due to be afraid, but it is not okay to live in fear.

There is one thing about these types who think they have more rights than you. They will try to blame you for any and all issues.

Remember that abusers blame victims in order to keep them off balance and trying harder and harder in a hopeless situation to keep victims trapped under their control.

Booky yeah I think that is right on.