Cocaine Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Cocaine addiction is the excessive intake of cocaine, and can result in physiological damage, lethargy, depression, or a potentially fatal overdose. Though the immediate craving to do more cocaine is strong and very common, this feeling usually subsides in most users within an hour. This craving can, as it has in many users, develop rather quickly into an intense...
I love this man very much, I want nothing more than to help him and be with him. We are both codependant as we were both married for 12 - 15 yrs and met eachother shortly after our seperation from our spouses. Bot are afraid to be alone it seems. Because of what we have been through the last 2.5 years with his drug addiction and my depression its like we began sitting around doing absolutely nothing. He is injured, not working and i work full time. When I am at work i would always worry that he woould be gone before I got home. Well one day finally game and he was on a binge, this is not the first time. He binges every few months looses everything he has managed to rebuild. Then when scared and broke he puts himself in the phsych ward to clean himself up. He has gone into a rehab centre in tha past but did not complete the program for others reasons that were out of his control. We tried to keep open communication but we failed and both spiralled down into a depression and new what was coiming but couldn't or weren't trying hard enough to fix it I guess. He is in the hospital now don't know where he is going aafter, can't come home as he has made it unsafe to be in my part of the city. Do dealers really kill people or hurt people over bad debts? I want to have a life with him but am wondering if I am just consumed by him and that we are just wasting our time. He wants to be with me and says he loves me but his addiction is strong when he gets depressed. He says that I will never understand and that I shouldn't try? I can'\t stop thinking about him he consumes my mind. Don't know what to do?
Louise
thank you for your post, as you said it is a vicious cycle and both him and I were aware of this. He told me many times to let him go. I never wanted to let him go, in my heart I loved him to pieces and was so scared for him. His last binge before he ended the cycle for both of us was at the end of Aug. In the beginning to september he ended up in the hospital phsyc ward for his last and final time, a place he had been many times before. I brought him home from the hospital he stayed a few days I was scared to have him there and i was scared to let him go. We both discussed it and felt he needed to stay somewhere else. I didn't want to let him go, I never wanted to let him go. I felt like I was loosing my best friend and I shared this with him. He told me everything was going to be ok, I wanted to believe him. He stayed with friends of his for the last few weeks of his life, the night he left us all he was to come see me and never arrived. I believe he was in his cycle and he used and couldn't face me couldn't face the peple he was staying with and he drove to a park and took his own life. The pain I feel now is much greater than the pain I ever felt during our relationship? Some days I am barely hanging on and wonder if I will survive this? There is so much I don't understand and my biggest questions I have are what do crack addicts do? feel? think? want? before during and after the high? And what effects can anti psychotic and anti depressents have when on these meds and binging on crack cocaine? Why is the urge so there to get clean but the craving so strong ? I loved this man and he wasn't your regular drug user, he was a binger who could stay clean for periods of time. He cycled and I knew when he was cycling most of the time. There was one week every month that was his toughest time and if he got through it he would succed staying clean for another three weeks and then that tough week would arrrive again. It was those time that I nor he were on top of it and wouldn't see the cycling signs and he would slip and fall and he always fell hard. Really hard and would loose everything before wanting to end it and winding up in the hospital? Sorry to ramble but once I get started with the thoughts of our journey through his addiction and the end of his battle, I sometimes can't stop. "I love you Bruce! Aug 25 1971- Oct 8 2009, you went away I believe cause you felt you could no longer go on hurting us,nor could you live with the pain it caused you when you looked at us and saw our pain. You hid your own pain to protect us from enduring any more pain than we were already in, but in the end the pain you caused is greater than anything you could have done alive?"
After they end, I'm devastated. I'm educated, and totally know better. Perhaps it's loneliness. I just got out of a 3 month relationship (we tried 2 times); but the mood swings from his Crack Addiction was just too much. Angry, all of the time, paranoid, walking on eggshells (never knowing what would set him off)!! And always being blamed for the arguments, that he created and started. He has been in active addiction for 45+ years, he told me at the beginning, that he had been clean for 10 years (a lie), the second go around he told me the truth. I should never have returned. What is wrong with me????