If someone has an addiction there is nothing you can do to help them.. The only person that can help them is themselves. You can only offer support and maybe try and talk to his family. Does he acknowledge he has a problem? Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. You cant live your life for someone else no matter how much you love them.

i think you call it a moment of clarity, the addict wont change unless they are truely determined to changed and even then it is hard and maybe will take alot of relapses, i hope that your husband will find the strength to live life sober, but you shouldnt be hard on yourself you cannot do anymore than what is right for you and your family to be healthy and happy much love and hugs xxxxxxxxx

I blamed everyone and everything as my "secret" was revealed. Domestic violence, abuse, narcissistic/sociopathic husband...one by one those I loved the most left and went on with their lives. Sitting in a jail cell with only God to call on, I found an angel who was willing to help me if I would just focus on fixing me first. I'd hate to think that you have to lose everyone and everything...there are a lot of success stories out there of people who were able to get clean and stay clean long before the stage I reached. Too many factors play into the desire to use; pre-disposition, behavior, body chemistry/makeup, personality, emotional issues, etc. I do know we are all social beings who need love and when no one loves you anymore and wants nothing to do with you, where have you to go. The drugs will keep beating you up and taking you places you don't want to be and most begin to mourn and miss the good things they had. This addict no longer takes people like you for granted. It has taken me six years to earn the respect and forgiveness of those who walked away from me. As much as it hurt, I welcome them all back in my life. I KNOW today that I was causing them harm and they had every right to leave me. I will forever be sorry for the nights my mother laid awake crying not knowing if I was dead or alive....for all the hours my sister and brother drove around searching for me....for the times my children looked out the window waiting for Mom to come home. But the greatest thing that came from all of this is I AM CLEAN and I am a better family member and mother than I ever was before. I visit my family often, I spend hours parenting my children - reviewing homework, going to lessons, attending school functions....all which I could not do when I was using. It may take a few years for the LIGHT to appear, but the more time you waste waiting for change...the older your boy gets. If you walked away now and went on with your life...your boy's father may return a much better man while your son is still young and be the father God intended him to be. Daddy has to seek help on his own before any real work can be done.

I am in recovery, and my child's father is an addict/drinker-always has been.Most of the time I used was with him.We were never married, and he sounds allot like yours.All I ever wanted was for him to be a dad, but you cannot force someone to be something they do not know how to be or want to be.After years and repeated attempts, I got fed up and took him to court.He went to jail twice, and now continues to drink but pays his support and sees her pretty regularly, it is far from perfect-but it is a start.I keep a close eye on things, I know he has a disease, and I do not trust him.
Sometimes, all you can do is get tough.You have to think about what your child deserves.I met a man who is now my husband and is more a father to my child than her dad will ever be.He just has the natural instinct.I still hope her natural father will get it together, but she is already 13, and starting to see him for his true self.Do what is best for your child.It is hard to go it alone, but sometimes that is the best thing for the child.

my fiancee is recovering drug addict as well, its a rollercoaster for sure. but we cannot change and we cannot blmae ourselves for the actions that they do. We technically have choices to like they do. we can choose to love them for who they are and hopre things will get better, or we can choose to leave them. it dependents also on what we want not always wat must be best for a child. Child needs a stable environment and to grow around people where he/she feels safe at. But it can go both ways too. but whatever it si we cant help them they need to come out of their own fantasy world and choose either to live or to die.

No doubt about it. Addicts are difficult people to deal with, especially when still using. There is nothing you can do about him. His addiction is his problem. You need to live your life. If you want support, which can help you to focus on yourself and live your life for you. There is Al Anon or other support groups that you will find others with the same problems. Having support is very good. You sound like a very good person that does care. But you need to remember that you can't do anything for him and his problem. All the best. James