I use to have problems with binge eating comfort foods triggered by undiagnosed depression and anxiety. This led to other addictions as well because I thought I needed substances, either food, pills or alcohol to make me feel better. I was fortunate to go through an outpatient program, called the Serene Program, which taught me coping skills. This helped alot along with medication my doctor gave me to help with depression, which I took for just a short time.

You have recognized an unhealthy pattern in your life that appears to be impossible to control, so why not talk to you pcp and see what she says. You might be surprised.

God Bless

Thank you and you are right, this is addictive behavior and I know it. I guess the thing holding me back is the amount of time and work it would take to commit to getting help and learning a whole new set of coping skills. My brother just went through rehab for alcohol and in a way I am envious, at least he can just avoid drinking all together...I have to keep eating, just figure out how to do it in a healthy way. I have talked to my doctor about it and she kind of feels like I have so much going on I shouldn't really worry about it too much. How it is making me feel about myself that is the most upsetting part. Don't get me wrong, being a size 16 is not my comfort zone either. Before I got sick I was always an 8-10. Just average healthy size. I find myself avoiding social things and feeling really anxious because of my size. We are so geared toward beauty in this culture and I find myself feeling less-than because of my weight, my age (55) and my pain. Promise to address this, thanks for making me really think it through. xo

Yes my doctor said pretty much the same thing when I first told her I was drinking like a fish. This is a time when you have to be strong and say you feel you need to talk to a professional so you can get some ideas on how to deal with it.

So I saw a counselor one hour per week and he calls up my doctor while I am sitting in his office and tells her I have an addiction problem and addiction in my family and I would be a candidate for the Serene Program at the hospital.

You see, the problem is that some doctors don't look at a food addiction until the patient needs gastric bypass surgery. I hope you don't get that far when a few visits with an addiction counselor may be all you need.

Some things you can try without a doctors referral are "Over eaters Anonymous" which is based on the 12 steps. and "weight watchers"

In the end, it is your decision. on how you want to deal with it. The important thing is to be happy in your own skin and not worry about the judgments of others. Always hold your head high! You are worth it!

God Bless

I am not a food person. I was a very picky eater growing up and that led to beatings with a belt at the end of the night as I refused to eat the "slop" my father worked so hard to put on the table. Then as an a young adult I had so many gastric issues I just wasn't allowed to eat so many foods, i just got used to food not being a part of my life.

Yogurt, apples, cucumbers and melon in the summer are it for me....except for Peanut M&M's. If I'm pissed or upset or mad, i can put away some Peanut M&M's. So I try not to keep any but 1 small bag in the house, I have to drive a ways to get to the store, i can't just hop in the car and drive up the street to the store. So if I keep a small amount at home then that helps me discipline myself in not overdoing. I've learned the harder it is for me to get something the less I'll try.

So instead I keep small Tupperware containers of sliced cucumbers, apples, watermelon, cantaloupe in the fridge. All ready to go,so if i'm hungry or in the mood for munchies while watching TV, I just grab one of those. Binging on cucumber or apple slices doesn't make you feel quite as bad about yourself. And if the bad stuff isn't there to eat, you can't eat it.

Alot of it just comes down to discipline...and I know its harder with a kid at home, I remember those days, but I didn't let my kids eat processed foods and junk. So they ate fruit and peanut butter and celery or crackers or graham crackers.

At some point you just have to have that talk with yourself that you are not going to eat junk and stop buying it. If it's not in the house, it gets easier to stop...because after a long tiring day nobody wants to to go out just for junk food.

Take care and I hope your able to make the changes you need to your nutrition that will help you get better.

Kat

Thank you bob and kat,

For three days now I have eaten nothing but healthy foods. No processed anything, no sugar, white flour. I feel better already, not healed...just better. I explained to my son that I needed his help and that we were going to have to eat healthier and no junk food in the house so when we went to the grocery store he picked out some nuts and dried fruits for snacks. He was very supportive. It isn't like I ever fed him junk anyway but it has been a slippery slope lately and a drive-through dinner here, a pint of ice cream or a bag of chips there adds up.
He is just like I was as a kid, he eats until he is full no more.
Thank you all for the support and recognizing that I do have a real issue that I have to address. I know it is standing in my way and adding to my pain. I will cut up some fresh veggies and fruits like you suggested Kat and check out a meeting somewhere. Ugh, all these years I have managed to avoid alcoholism (runs in the family) and now FOOD gets me :) I also have an untreated thyroid issue too, it is just 5 points over normal but maybe that is contributing a little...
I am sorry your childhood was so abusive Kat, no child deserves to be treated badly let alone abused. My dad was abusive too and it may have been 35 years since I lived under his roof but there are still times when that stuff comes bubbling up. Thanks for the support.

Khadi your willpower in already making steps to eat healthier is so impressive!! I like Kat's suggestion for the healthy "snack containers"-- if you can prepare healthy snacks when you have the energy and put them at the front of the fridge and cupboard, maybe that will help. They've done plenty of studies that processed, sweet/salty foods activate the same pleasure centers in the brain as other vices. I second Bob's input that an addiction is an addiction, and props to you for recognizing the issue.

As for why you can take care of others but not yourself.... that's just how a lot of us are wired. :) I struggle with this too, when I get angry at my body or my brain for having problems. I try to remember to respond to myself the same way I would respond to a close friend: If they came to me to vent about pain or anxiety or depression, I would never get mad, but I would try to help them feel better. Just a little "mind trick" you can try on yourself. <3

R I G H T ! ! Think of yourself in the third person, what would you do for someone else who was in your situation? Thank you so much for your advice and support. I think sometimes when dealing with chronic pain it interferes with our ability to be proactive, to feel motivated. At least it has for me. I know that I would feel better in every way if I was taking better care of myself and I did it for years with great results. A series of events lead to me feeling like I was at the bottom of the list but that is my own doing. Regardless of what is going on around me I have to take care of myself first...the old adage- put your oxygen mask on first :) thank you! xo