There are plenty of times when I can't have sex because my back hurts too bad. It hurts even if I'm flat on my back because of the thrusting putting extra pressure on my disc, I even get nerve shocks of pain from it. I'm sorry if that is TMI, but it's true. It sounds like he is just being an inconsiderate, selfish man. My bf sometimes stops because he sees the pain in my face even though I try to hide it and sees that I'm not enjoying myself. I know he doesn't like it, it even makes him feel bad because he doesn't want to hurt me. I'm lucky to have a man who'd rather see me not in pain than gratify himself. There are other ways that he can get what he needs with me helping without actual intercourse or oral. I try to help out even if I'm in a ton of pain and he appreciates this. Whether it be with visualness, words, or my hands. Also, pain can lower your sex drive all together. I have times where I can't get turned on because I'm just in too much pain. I think -sex, uuggg. Does he really understand what you are going through? If not, have him Google your condition and read out loud about other people's stories as well as factual topics from doctors or other reputable sourcs. It might help him to be not as much of a jerk. I have so much more to say about this, but I'll leave it at this for now. I'm sorry for you and all the others that have SO's that don't understand. It's not like you turned him down, you just wanted your meds to kick in. It can be frustrating to him because 'normal' couples don't have to wait for meds to work, but you shouldn't feel guilty. It's the way things are and he'll just have to learn to live with it and adjust accordingly. Again, I'm sorry this happened to you! He probably wasn't thinking with the head on his shoulders, haha. And as we know, that other head isn't the smartest!!! I wish I could give you a huge hug because I feel so terrible for your experience. It makes me angry but it is just another bump in the road of chronic pain...

Much love, understanding, and positive energy,
Lisa

Oh Thats a situation that must be so fustrating for both of you. I have not even tried to have a relations. But Im single so thats okay. Being married thats a whole other issue. I know from my chronic pain I dont feel like having relations when Im in pain. Maybe he should be a bit more understanding of your situation becasue Im sure that pain does affect you so much. Best of luck with your situation. I think Im going to be single a long time with my pain.

i feel bad for you, if you have fibro, your husband needs education, remember the voe, for better or worse in sickness and in health, well my boyfriend , left when he saw my body change, from being amazeing to being confuseing. but he is your husband..remind him of that. hang in there, wait until he starts gettin prostate problems, lol

got woken up at 1am this morning for some play time but was in alot of pain.
He said ok and rolled over and went to sleep.
Some days it hard cuase you love this guy and want to express love but the pain wont go away.
When i am in lots of pain and unable to do things we do other things.

Im truely shocked that he must go downstairs to *pout* basically becasue he has to wait an hour or so...
I wouldnt be SORRY either.
Not anything you can help... its the way it is. My gosh...sorry about what you are dealing with there.

If he couldnt wait and give the common courtesy until the meds kiked in so that you MIGHT be interested even in the slightest bit ...eh hemm...
then I would be thinking that he can take care of himself...sure wouldnt want to give him pleasure orally- manually... whatever - I think Id have some hurt feelings.

I hope things get better for you!

I haven't had sex in over 2 years, and this is not the first time for the 2 year sebatical; my husband is just not interested and he is a normal, healthy 50 year old man! I did have a lot of pain with sex, however. I think if you just explain to your husband that you would not enjoy sex if you were in pain, and you would not be able to please him as well. Most men are taking a little blue pill to help them alone, just tell your husband to hold his horses until your pain meds kick in! Thank God that your husband is still interested!!! I'll bet if you went downstairs and started to give him a back rub, you'd be off to the races!

sex hmm whats that again? Since ive had my back problems and my leg problems we hardly ever have sex anymore im always in too much pain. When we do try i just cant do it and i dont even have the urge to anymore. hubby would always ask if hes hurting me i would say no but actually it was i finally started telling him i just cant do that anymore. Plus all the meds im asleep beforehe even gets to bed. Its not that i dont love him because i love him with all my heart its just the pain is so bad its not worth it.

I'm not sure that that you want a guy's opinion but since I am the one in pain in my marriage (her only pain is me), I'll throw in my two cents. Let's make no mistakes, sex is like... well, let's just put it right up there. When you hurt, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY OR BAD. I think the pout thing is feeble attempt on our part to make you feel that way. He will get over it, especially when he figures out that it is much better when both of you are getting something out of it. Here, quality really does outdo quantity. I've learned you really don't want to do something if you are going to be paying for it the rest of the day or longer. The pout thing will end sooner than that and even quicker if you say ok or a good ball game comes on. Now to answer your last question, pain level dictates the frequency on times weekly to see ya next month or so. Good luck.

My husband is a morning person as well. I am in your predicament only when i wake up my neck is locked into the position it was in on my pillow. It takes a couragious crack then a lot of inching my way into "my normal" stature. At this point I reach for meds and try to keep composed enough not to scream at how insensitive it is of him to not recognize the agony and emotional crisis i am suffering through...all he wants is his playful and sexy pre-injury wife. If only he could feel the bolt of lightening i feel every time i wake up and realize my predicament..it's scary every day...traumatic from the moment i open my eyes and become aware of the pain shooting through my body. I would never want him to walk in my shoes but i do wish that he could be more understanding

From my husband's point of view; it all boils down to rejection. Men and women take rejection horribly. My hubby and i sat down and talked about it..and his concerns turned from rejection to feeling unwanted and he also thought that the more i said no...the more i didn't like him anymore. My advice is to put all these feelings on the table and talk it out. Make your feelings and concerns heard and then listen to how your feelings and concerns are affecting him. Try to work at understanding each others reactions to the situation. His answers may surprise you.

I'm sorry your hubby was acting up. He should understand what ur going thru. I'm not saying he dont in general, but he shouldn't get mad when he cant get it.

at least your having sex. I havn't had sex in like 3-4 yrs. because every time I tried it hurt like someone was trying to kill me. So I decided not to have it until my doc. finish fixing me.LOL LOL I laugh because I said fixing it. well it need to be fixed. I cant wait until I have sex. So yall enjoy and be safe.

thanks for the replies, and i DO want a mans opinion too.
I do "give it up", just that a.m.s are the worst for me, he just doesnt seem to get it.I just feel like he should be mad all day and ruin our day. Grow up!

Am I the only one that has lost "sensitivity" shall we say in the sexual regions? My meds have a side effect of taking away your sex drive... I have noticed Neurontin, Lyrica, and most anti-seizure meds cause a lose of feeling.

Michelle

My husband and I are BOTH chronic pain sufferers so it makes it twice as hard! I agree with Michelle (coldtoes?), medication plays a big part. When my husband is on his full dose of lyrica and has his spinal stimulator cranked up- forget it, he can't feel anything. It's a catch-22, we need the pain medication because we hurt so badly but when we take them it interferes with our ability to achieve orgasm (and for some men, the ability to perform at all). Thank God neither one of us are morning people because I hurt terribly in the morning:( At the end of the day, after a nice warm bath...sometimes just snuggling my hubby is all I can manage and he's just fine with that because he hurts too. I guess having us both in the same predicament has it's benefits-we are very tolerant and compassionate of each other's physical and emotional state of being. It is very important to keep the lines of communication open though, even though we think we know what the other one is thinking/feeling- men are from Mars and women are from Venus! xoxoLyn

I know just what your talking about... My husband and I haven't had sex for over 6 years. (Maybe longer) He understands that I am in terible pain in that area but he has also told me that he's afraid that he's going to hurt me if he even tries to have sex... I feel I have married a very sensitive and caring man but every day i still feel a load of guilt...