I posted on here earlier that i felt as though i was dead but hadn't noticed it, but thats not entirely true. I hurt, this much is true. But pain is not a stranger to me, its an old friend.
My earliest memories are of pain, the strike of a fist, the cut of an edge, the tip of a cigarette...The last gift from a father who found hate easier than love, pain was my childhood friend. And it was a friend, i learned from an early age that certain pains could help, after all who would hit a kid with a broken arm or one with stitches. Call it what you will i found ways to stay hurt to survive...
As i got older I learned the pain of loss, on my own at 15 I learned that even if there was nobody there to see me cry pain would keep me company. It held my hand on park benches, under bridges, through the night... but it also taught me how to take care of myself.
Pain taught me that it could be a reward as well, at the end of a hard days work it was my sense of accomplishment, when my back ached and fingers bled it made sure my pockets were full and my stomach was never empty.
Pain taught me how to love, and how to accept love in return, it gave me the strength to be a father and the knowledge to know that women and children are to be protected no abused. pain has kept me from being the monster that genetics wanted me to be.
Pain ended a 15 year career and threatened to take everything from my family, but in the end it was just teaching me how to live within my means and appreciate what i have..
Im in pain now,as i sit here typing all but 2 of the discs in my back are ruptured, ive lost so much cartilage that im 3 inches shorter than i was 20 years ago, I fall frequently and break easily. I have lost most friends and loved ones, people that are too weak to see me like this, but dont feel sorry for me, i dont i pity them.
i cant do the things i used to, and i lose the ability to do more every day it seems but pain is not stronger than me... I have an IQ of 190, even though my hands ache and twist i can still coax a thing of beauty from a single sheet of paper, im still here....
Pain takes and pain gives, it has slowed time around me, a single night in pain can stretch on an eternity this is true, but now i see every small wonder in the world, the silence of dawn, the smell of grass, the unerring joy of innocence that children wear like a suit of finely made silk. I see it all and its mine, as everyone else rushes about looking for happiness i find it in every small moment the rst of the world hurries past.....

Im luckier than most..........Kris.......