I know exactly how you feel. I have been going through the same thing myself lately. The only thing I really get to do lately is go to the docs or tag along to the grocery store.

Everything I have ever wanted for myself, not talking about material possession or money, but a family of my own, to get married, to become a world famous photographer. Instead I am left at age 35 in early menopause and unable to hold my camera anymore. It really sucks, doesn't it.

As a kid, we have such high hopes for ourselves. We have dreams bigger than the sky. Its a shame in reality that we can't be let in on the "secret" that we are going to be sick as adults and be extremely limited in our physical abilities so that the disappointment we feel now isn't so harsh.

But I am grateful for the life I have had so far. I've done many things and lived many places. Now I'm stuck barely able to leave the house!

So, yeah, I definitely understand!

Really, even the most famous most well known person in the world is essentially forgotten once they die. Even someone as well known as Michael Jackson is no longer in the. News
People who were verh famous during wars ar e forgotten now
Unless they were assassinated leaving an interesting death most are forgotten now.

As we mature, we realize that the world goes on without us just fine
Sick or healthy
Wealthy or poor
The world keeps spining
Millions go about their lives without noticing
And life goes on

Cp ers just realize that sooner

Sunny you stole the words from me. Sunny and I are both a bit older that both of you, Kris and Jenna. For most people this feeling is called a mid-life crisis when you wake up and realize that all those things you thought you would do won't happen. And as Sunny said when you have a debilitating physical condition this realization happens a bit sooner.

But it's all pretty much the same, one day you realize that there are some things you won't do. I think we all get a bit depressed...we will never walk on the moon. But what you do next is up to you. Some people snap out of it on their own and adjust their goals to meet their abilities, some people go wild trying to do what they feel they missed (think red convertible on a 55 yr old man), some people need some medical help and turn to a therapist or their gp, and some people wallow in their self-pity.

I blame the social media and overwhelming coverage of entertainers and sport figures for making this worse. So many people are depressed because they are comparing their lives to others. We see the kids we went to high school with bragging about their cars, boats, jobs, kids, houses, in real time. Also we are pushed from the moment we are born to do more, learn more, be more....

Kris I know you were once part of the discussion about finding your "new normal". No matter what you physical condition it is up to each of us to find out what our new normal is and part of that is adjusting those goals to things that we can achieve. We are not dis-abled..we are differently-abled.

Kris, I know just what you mean. I went through this alot and still from time to time it hits me. Just 5 years before I hurt my back I graduated from college keen on starting a new career at 38 yrs old. It took me 2 years to find that perfect job then just 3 years in it was all over.

It has been 3 years now and I could look back (and forward) with regret and sadness but most of the time I don't. I have a great family, beautiful grandchildren, and many hobbies that keep me occupied and entertained. Maybe someday I will find a way to feel more useful, I still feel like a strain on my family but I can't do anything more than what I am capable of.

Maybe Kris, you will find something... a hobby or interest that will give you more fulfillment. Or maybe you just need to find contentment in what you have and what you can do now. It is more about learning to accept what 'is' rather than finding a way to have or do 'more'. I hope that you can find some peace of mind and happiness, life is not much without it. Big comforting hugs,

ssLisa

Kris,

I have been where you are....I am young too...35 years old and terminally ill. I struggle with what legacy I will leave behind when I die. You know what I found? If I write a book about my life and all the nursing tales, funny stories, finding Jesus, etc....someone might read it, lol. Plus, coming here on the world wide web since I'm able to type is a great way to share and help others by sharing my testimony. Kris, pm me and we can talk more. I know there is alot you have accomplished already...probably not even realizing it. The goal is to neatly put it together somehow so that someone coming after you can benefit from your wealth of knowledge/experience somehow.:). There are many things I realize I will not get to do now that I wanted to do because I am too sick. This IS depressing. However, I get alot of joy out of watching my children get joy out of the little things in life that don't cost any money.....(a monarch butterfly stretching its wings).....giving a homeless person a bottle of water on a hot day.....They will carry on my legacy because I am permanently a part of them:)

You know what makes me feel like I am the most useful Kris? When I am helping someone else:). A friend I had that was murdered last Sunday left a legacy.....he helped so many he will be remembered and he didn't do anything astronomical....he shook hands and gave out numerous smiles and warm kind words to others. This was free but left a lasting impression with thousands of people. Most people just want someone to talk to and listen to them.

Kris, sweetheart you aren't alone.....I will help you any way that I can:) ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I know what you mean big time! I'm 25 and I've dreamed of having a healthy family of my own since I was a child. At 21 when pregnant with my son I became ill and haven't been "figured out" yet. All I really know is I live with severe chest pain daily. My son is 3 1/2 and I want another child desperately but I can't do that physically. After 3 failed adoptions I'm weary to try that again. I dreamed of being a foster and adoptive mom growing up and while I was a foster mom to 3 babies I will likely never get to adopt! It breaks my heart so much. I have so much love to give but I'm unable to give fully because my health holds me back.

I've also realized that there need to be new dreams made with illness. While I'll never adopt or foster again, there's a chance I could someday have another child. Even though it may be painful it would be worth it to have another child. I've also learned a lot about compassion by being ill and I can't do what I used to do to help people, but I do still help people when I can.

Being in a place of gratitude helps a lot. Focus on what you have, if you have a wonderful family be thankful. I hope this helps. You are not alone!

Maggie

Oh boy Caleb you just hit on my inner most thoughts.
I struggle with that & try very hard not to let my mind go there to often.
Like you I think of what I'm blessed with & of those who are worse then I.
I think it's normal to feel that way but its not a place to let your mind stay for long.
It's been really tough for me lately. Envy of others kicks in at times. I have to remind myself my life has its own rewards.
I do get it, completely.
God bless, Sammy

hey kris -

i get it too. i have been sick a long time. for quite awhile i have called my illness 'the annoying disease' because while i am too ill to do most anything i am still here. i find, though, that i do have purpose. i am God's so if anyone is bothered by that, please skip my post.

k - well, i see, looking back, that God has used every tiny moment of my life to weave lovely things into his tapestry. even when i walked away from God and... bad things happened to me - all things work together for the good, don't remember where or how to quote - please don't shoot the messenger, but God manages to use every little, yes even ugly, thing for good. have you ever felt understood? do you know how wonderful it feels? how rare it is? you are the only you and the only one who can be that person to understand someone experiencing something you have lived. get me? if that were the only thing, you have great value on this planet. there is so much more to you that you may not be aware of.

the author of this place doesn't tell us everything and for me that is ok, at least, most of the time. i know it gets dark, it gets confusing and there are so many times to cry out 'why?' and 'why not?' not usually a distinct answer to those. i almost always receive, 'be still and know that i am God.'

do not mean to trivialize how you are feeling - no way!!! this is a difficult place we are in. but you are helping others - you are helping me right now by reminding me that it is possible that maybe God is using me or will use me.... so thank you Kris. thank you for being exactly who you are.

hugs, elizabeth

Kris, it's natural to mourn what might have been. But remember that there's no guarantee you'll be remembered past the next couple of generations even if you DO leave something behind to remember you by. I know little to nothing about some of the past presidents...and THEY were PRESIDENTS.

Love yourself for WHO you are, not for what you've done. Your family loves you, and we love you too.

Gentle hugs.