I'm exhausted from the struggle these past few years. And I can't even describe how sad I am to see what I've worked so hard for slipping away. I went to Cosmetology school at 40, after a divorce. I was the top of my class and earned every award they had to give. I was offered 3 jobs before I even graduated.
I chose to start at Penney's because it ws close to home and offered plenty of classes to further the kills of my craft. After building a great clientele, my son turned a 2 room apartment in my house, into the most beautiful salon you could imagine.

I also bought 2 houses, raised my 2 younger boys through their teen years and did all this with complete independence.

My middle son had bad car accident a couple weeks after he graduated from high school and broke his back. I got the call at work and ran to meet the ambulance at the hospital. They sent him right to a large hospital over an hour away where a trauma team met him at the door. It's by the grace of Godthat he isn't in a wheelchair for life...they said most with his injury never walk again.

Shortly after a long Summer of healing, my younger son went through a terrible time emotionally. I had to make arrangements to have him hospitalized for a time. He is still fragileand always will be.

I welcomed so many people into my home over the last 10 years. The boys always had friends here and I fed everyone! They still talk about the cookies and all the other stuff I baked during those years. I also helped my friend who wasn't handling the single mother gig well and suggested she send her 13 year old daughter over to hang around with me. The girl didn't want to leave and started staying with me during the schoolweek and seeing her Mom on weekends.Eventually, the Mom moved in, too and they spent a year with me.

My friend called me the Goddess of Hearth and Home. I was the one her daughter called from school if she was ill. I loved that time of my life. I felt needed and so appreciated.

Yes...I am a nurturer. Now, I have shelter animals who make me feel loved and needed.

There are so many things I'm sure I cold have done better, but...why do I deserve to have everything fall apart, now?

This has taken a while to type. I'll understand if it's too much to read. Not sure what came over me!

I understand exactly what you are feeling. That is exactly how I have felt during this past year of not working and transitioning to being on disability. You asked why? I love what Shania Twain said on her show the other night. There are only two questions and they are "why" and "why not". My emotions are all over the place. One day I am grateful I don't have to work and the next day I am crying because I can't work. I also know how frightened you are at this point in the game. Just get a good lawyer and pray that you get approved quickly. My thoughts are with you and know that we have all been right where you are at . This is not a path any of us would choose in this journey of life but we do have to make the best of what we have been given.

I know how you feel. I take care of everyone in the family. THey just turned their backs on me when I got sick.

Refuse to make GF meals for me. Bring gluten to my home "for me". It is nuts.

You sound like a wonderful person. Hope you find some answers. seems to me you need better pain control.

Cherry,

After I had my accident and had the first of many spinal surgeries, I lost my job as a social worker with the health department, since I had no job, I lost the home that took me a long time to buy, and that was my pride and joy, then to add salt into the wound, I lost my car.

I had to move from the Florida Keys and my home by the beach, into an efficiency, which it didn't have a kitchen, I was there for 2 years. Then following my Doctor's instruction and after 4 more spinal surgeries, I went from walking with a walker, to walking with a cane, and my pain is mostly controlled now, I wish that I could say that I have 0 pain, but NO, I have daily pain between 6 and 7, but is better than were I was.

After many years depressed and living in conditions that depressed me more, the opportunity of re-invent myself just happened, I started working as a wedding planner 3 days a week, 6 hours a day, with this PT job I was able to leave the efficiency and now I have a nicer apartment with a nice kitchen and wonderful neighbors. Right now you might not see the light at the end of the tunnel, and all that you can think is of the things that you are loosing, but Hun, God works in mysterious ways, and I am sure that he will have some light at the end of your tunnel, he never, ever leaves his children walk all by themselves.

Hugs,
Tipper

Thanks for the reminder. I guess I was having a little pity party. I'm just scared because it's the beginning of so much change and I don't have much fight in me right now.

I do have many things to be grateful for. Maybe I need to start a list.

Hugs,

Cherry

Cherry,

Is all part of the "Grand Plan" that God has for all of us, I didn't think about it before, but now that things are a bit better, I can see why he did what he did. I grew as a person, became a stronger woman, got close to God and became more spiritual, found yoga and meditation, and that change my live for the better. Always remember that the man upstairs is watching over you, and that he will never give you more than what you can handle.

Soft Healing Hugs,
Tipper

Cherry,
I sometimes call it my life before the accident and my life after the accident and pain I guess.
It is like I am living two different lives and it was so hard for me to leave that life and security behind but after you commit to it and move on and work on the new life and way of thinking it gets better and better as you accept it and accept you can not do what you once did before.

You are still that great person just with limits and once you get everything together and I think you were saying you were moving and when you do that and get a simpler life then you can start adding some clients here and there but get from under the strain and sometimes you just have to trust it will work out.

Tipper is right, God has a plan. We just have to acknowledge Him in everything so we can go with it. And Cherry, I know you are. You are just at this really rough part of all this. I think you are actually handling things very well. I pray for strength and help from Him tonight and for peace. I am asking for something where you will say, Look, what God did for me.

Cherry,

I hope you are doing better today. I know it is hard to keep up with work when you hurt that much.

You have to be careful about doing things against doctor's orders. That's a prime reason for the doctor to drop you as a patient.

Good luck Cherry.

I'm following orders. I couldn't work if I had the Queen asking me for a hairdo! I am in pain and can barely drag myself around.

Hugs,

Cherry

Messing with this comp had to start over. Lost everything to chronic pain but my husband & chilldren upper high middle class first few yrs i struggle being sick and in pain enough to get the youngest ot of the home Than we lost our home because my husband had to come off the road I had to leave a lucrative nursing position. I now live withthe new normal partial disabilty payment due to husband income (my ck goes to mr drs & med & still not enough) on one income i believe that I was very blesssed mt husband has stuck w me thru thick & thin I no ur situation is different being the only income but if there is no relief insight u r going have to accept u may need to go on disability and supplement ur income with a few loyal clients I am so sorry but this is usally the outcome of this. I sorryit so long just had to post and today is horrible for me but blessed to be alive &nable to share
ps Ihave learn over the yrs if u have a decent dr try ur best to follow orders
BLESSINGS & PEACE HOPING FOR ALL A LOW PAIN DAY