Sometimes we have to let go off the pain and live.
Some days i dont want to do things cause of the pain and then i put the pain to the side and i feel so much better that i did.
Sometimes a different change of pace is good for us.

I think this is hardest issue we have ,to deal well,but sometimes he well have to comprise this covers large amount of issues,They think its hard on them ,go as far as you can Hun,hugs minnie you can only try take care rest lots ig you go

I feel bad that I have been so much less active with my husband and family. We were an extremely active family before I got sick. But what I do is, I make sure that I PUSH my husband to take advantage of every opportunity to go on other trips. For instance - he works for the fire department. Through out the year, they plan all kinds of outings and events like golf weekends, hunting, camping, etc. Next weekend there is a bike trip out to Montauk. He doesn't even ride a bike really - but I am pushing him to go. He is going to drive the truck with everyone's bags since they are staying for 2 nights. This way he doesn't feel like his lifestyle has had to really change and I make sure that I am the one pushing so he doesn't feel bad about leaving me behind.

And then I find ways to compromise. Last weekend I went fishing with my son. it was great. We went out on one of those big charter fishing boats. He fished, and I relaxed. It was a beautiful day. This summer we are planning a camping trip near the beach. This way - if I can't keep up with what the boys have planned I can stay behind and relax on the beach. But if I'm feeling good enough I'll tag along.

The bottom line is - just because you have to give up certain actvities doesn't mean your loved ones have to. But they can certainly find other people to do them with, and find more suitable activities to do with you. Or somehow work out a compromise.

Could you maybe go with another couple? Then you could stay at a campground - and if you did want to stay behind he would have someone to atv with.

I am the hubby and I am in the pain, I have made it very clear thet my wife and daughter SHOULD keep doing the things they enjoy (including travel) and I will stay home and be fine, go have fun and tell me about it when u are done. In fact they are going to Europe for almost 3 weeks in July and i'm staying home poolside (if any lady wants to join me let me know, tanlines optional) and they are OK with that. Let hubby know he should go and have fun, just to understand you are unable, and that you appreciate his concern. Don't make him feel guilty for going.

Honestly, I will not put in jeopardy my health and my situation to go on a weekend of fun. I understand that you want to follow your husband and do things as a family, but at what price to you? I posted a copy of the "letter for normal from someone in chronic pain" earlier this evening, I made copies of that letter a while back and whenever I had friends or family members that didn't understand my ply I will hand them a copy, and somehow that always hit them the right way. I also keep a copy of that letter attached to my refrigerator. Go take a look at that post, read it, and see if that is something that might help you in this current situation. God Bless.

This sucks and there's no way to put it nicely. He is being very inconsiderate by not making tiny compromises that will help you out. You're not saying you can't go, you're just requesting that things be adapted to your limitations. If he is unwilling to make small changes, so be it. Tell him to go by himself. He is acting very selfish while you are just trying to make it work for both of you. Give it one last try by stating something like, "I want to go, I just feel camping at a campground will help me out in case I'm in bad pain." If he doesn't get it, he can go be lonely. My favorite quote is, "I'd rather be alone than with someone that makes me feel alone." This seems to be what he is doing, making you feel alone in your pain. All you're asking for is a little compromise. You're not asking too much! If he makes you feel this way, something deeper is wrong, like him blaming you for your pain situation. You cannot have this, it's hard enough living like we have to live without the negativity from other people! He is making you feel like it is your fault that you are in pain. It's not your fault and you're doing everything you can to try to please him! I totally get it and I support you 100%. This really is a terrible situation. I'm here to help you in every way I can! And remember, these are just my humble opinions!!!

Much love and understanding,
Lisa

Harsh but true Lisa. :)

My advice to you would be to stick to your guns. None of us are as much fun as we used to be. And I don't know of anyone who really "gets it", unless they have been there themselves. Only you know how you are feeling, and can make a final decision. If he loves you he will understand, and get a campground, or do something less challenging that you will both enjoy.
Right now my other half is on a camping trip with a club, and I am at home. We both understand each other. He and I are both Ok with it.
Hugs to you...Selina

He just doesn't understand. I know my husband didn't either at first but I think that inlotsofpain is right. Sometimes even with our pain we still have to live. Who knows this might get your mind off of your pain and you'll have a wonderfull time. Just make sure you have enough meds with you. Best of luck. I know it is a hard desicion to make I think you will do what in your heart.

Only YOU know just how you feel day to day, and only YOU can make the decision if you think this trip with your hubby is a good idea. Any trip or vacation I've taken lately has been a very relaxing one, where our itinerary is based on the weather, how I feel, but I do push myself to do as much as I can so I can enjoy myself. We actually went to Cape May where it was very relaxing yet fun.

I didnt say anything to him, last night said, out of the blu! we need to find a campground for you!!! He does try to deny that i have pain, and i DO things with him, we ride a harley, but sometimes its not worth hurting for days after, i gave him the "letter to normals" no response, but im sure he thought about it. Thanks all.

I found that its best to get out at every chance, even if you dont join in all the time, it is so easy to become stuck indoors, I nearly did, I never wanted to go out with the wife, but I was so glad she forced me in the end, so now I get to be out of the house, even if I am curled up for half the day, I still get to interact for a bit of the day

I am so happy something in him changed and he is looking for a campground!!!!!! I hope you have a wonderful time and have as little pain as possible! I'm sooooo excited for you!!!!!! Hearing that he is helping you because (even if he won't say it!) he really wants you to be there with him makes my heart happy for you!!!

Much love,
Lisa

Sweetie... I havent read everyones replies so sorry if I repeat myself... I had to begin to do things with my man or the relationship of 17 yrs was going to be over... he was looking at other women, staying away from home till late at nite, and telling me it was over.... He was unhappy and depressed just as I am....

I began by spending short trips on weekend with him and then we took a long from one end of Utah to the the border of Arizona... very long drive and then while at the hotel it was sorta a business type trip... sit in meetings all day and all nite....not the stuff my body likes!!

I did everything I could to prepare for the trip... Saved up meds, bought those Thermacare heat wraps to keep heat on where it hurts because it is still very cold here and cold makes the pain worse.... comfy warm clothes, pillows etc to be as comfy as possible on the drive... food that wouldn't make my stomach get off track etc... and prepared for the hell to hit me when we got back home...

I hurt so bad from any forced physical activities and I pay for these trips dearly.. but I want my relationship to survive this disease so I do what I can..

He noticed how hard it was for me to get ready for the trips and how difficult they were for me to endure and so after the first couple of wknds he began to find ways to make it easier for me.. we left a day early and stayed an extra nite in the hotel to give me more breaks from the driving time and he tried to help pack and prepare for the trip.

They will begin to help and show they care when you show them they really do matter and u r willing to go the extra mile for them...
Sometimes you have to make the first move and be the one who compromises to show them they are valued the way they need to be be treated so they feel valued. we sexes are different and view what being loved is in different ways.. it's not wrong or right it's just different.
Love is difficult in any situation and most people gloss over the part of the committment that says in sickness and they focus on the in health part.. then when the sickness comes they don't want to play the game anymore or make the effort especially when the illness doesnt ever go away and continues to get worse...

I have had another bad month because my doc freaked out on me and I shut down pretty hard this time emotionally and physically... it's hard to trust any one right now.... My world is just not a safe place to be in anymore... So I understand all this crap u r going thru.
My man is reacting baddly again too and it's time for me to force myself to get up out of this funk and do some more about it. We have another trip coming up in a couple of weekends this one shorter drive time than the last. But I cannot allow this stuff to rob me and my loved ones of our lives and our happiness....

You do need to try hard to find time for your family when u can and not all the cooking and cleaning... but quality time for the relationships.. they have chronic pain too.. they've lost the person u used to be in their lives and it's a big change for them just as it is for you... No body's fault and we cannot condemn them for their reactions to this disease just as we need them to understand the things we are going thru....none of it is easy....

I want to see a counselor so bad I can taste it and I want my family to go too.. but finding anyone who's really trained in this disease is hard...

I hope you find the strength to do what you need to so you can enjoy some time with him away from home... If you cannot you must find a way not to feel guilty about something you haven't much power over... This disease is not easy for anyone to deal with...
PM me if you want to talk privately about this stuff...
You are loved and cared about and I will pray for you and your family.... ask God to help you do whatever you need to do and let God have the relationship's outcome and you just do what you can....

Love
TerrieAnn/ralop

I'm glad you found a happy compromise. I forgot to mention... my husband and I went for marraige counseling. Even though our marraige was pretty good - it's a good idea to start before the compromises start resentments. It made us really close and taught us how to communicate about all of this ... and now we know that if it gets difficult we can go back for counseling and we are able to work anything out.

It's worth considering. Sometimes it's a good idea to get started before it becomes a "necessity". I believe it keeps a relationship strong and helps to get everything out in the open, so nobody holds anything in that can build up and cause issues later.

Don't forget to kiss your hubby and tell him how much his compromise means to you.... Maybe try to surprise him with something nice at home in exchange. Enjoy your trip, you deserve it. :)