Hi,
Well, I read this and then I let about two hours go by before replying,

One point I do agree with, I too have had the motto, I would rather be alone that with someone and be lonely, but it doesnt have to be that way,

it has been nearly 4 years that I have had the pains, so severe I would just sit and rock back and forth wanting to crawl into a corner and just be there, alone, dont touch me, just let me be,

I spent months and months on DS where I adopted everyone, well nearly everyone, as my friend and they only ones who really understood, I learned about pain meds I had never heard off and then asked my dr to let me try it, I just needed some relief, I felt like I was going insane,

Then I did get hydromorphone and took it. When it was helping and I finally felt some relief I was happily posting and this was my new world,

I had forgotten about my husband who was there for me at 11pm, as soon as he was beginning to doze off I was in such pain he had to take me to EMERG, thats what the dr wanted and thats where I went, we had no idea what caused it,

Then at 2am my husband was at my side as I again went to the hospital, and it continued,

He sat there and watched me in pain and he was helpless, totally helpless nooo he did NOT understand my pain, how could he? Nevertheless, he was there,

we have always been avid bike riders, my husband has a passion for bike riding and now he did not have that, I could not go with him and he did not want to go alone, then I became very sad, I had taken that from him,

When I told him that I was ok with him going alone, and that it hurt me that our lives had changed so much we are like different people, he said, thats ok, do not worry about it. but I did.
I do go out for long walks, but not for 8 hrs like before, I do go bike riding but not for 8 hrs like before, we have "both" lost something due to this dam pain thing, and I am grateful that I have a loving husband who has not left me for someone else or turned his back on me.

We will get our lives back, maybe in a slightly different way but we will, and we do love one another...in sickness or in health.

so, I do think that when I decided to "suck it up" after a good friend said to me "suck it up princess, I made the effort to do more and be more and not let the pain take over so I had no life whatsoever,

I dont post here often, this is not my life, friends here drop from the board and life goes on, as much as I believe that DS is a good source for so many it cannot consume me and I actually feel better having a life outside of this board,

I have good friends here, ppl I email with, but we rarely talk about pain, and that is such good therapy,

So friends, that is my viewpoint,

Pain has a way of changing us into ppl we do not recognize anymore, develop attitudes we did not have before. I do understand pain,
Sometimes I even fear the pain, it can be so strong, and I have to know in my heart that I am stronger. I am.

Remember, this is my voice; I am not speaking FOR you...

take care,
and huggz,
ouchies

honor, I know how you feel. I am in the same boat.

My dh loves "Outing" excursions. Backpacking on DESERTED areas, hours from medical care, running water, NORMAL people, store, bathtubs, toilets, included in: sleeping on the ground, purifying your own water, walking miles a day for NO FREAKING REASON, (and he is 16 inches taller than I am, and his stride is TWICE what mine is, and I cannot keep up) then sleeping on cold hard ground etc. I simply cannot do that. (Picture the dude in that movie who went to "see beautiful things" the wilds of Alaska and starved to death in a filthy abandoned school bus, THAT is my dh's idea of a Good Time.)

As a result, we have not been on a "Family" Vacation in years. My eight year old doesn't even REMEMBER ever being ON vacation. HE does what he wants, and the rest of us stay home. He got upset with our 19 year old daughter last year, because SHE didn't want to go and live like a filthy ANIMAL for a week in the ugly, cold, nasty wilderness....("But, it's beautiful." NO, it's ugly, cold, filthy, smelly, disgusting and nasty. You want "beautiful?" Go look at a picture. Vacations are for families to get together, RELAX and have a good time, not stress themselves nearly to death.)

Although we have been trying, he simply won't compromise on this stuff. IMO, it is really selfish that he refuses to go on a NORMAL vacation (ie staying in a HOTEL, with running water and beds and toilets and doing things other people in the family would enjoy!)

His excuse is "we don't have a lot of money." Bullshit. He spent several thousand dollars last year, on his Northwoods Michigan Island Getaway, ALONE, to come home and tell me that he had the WRONG tent, the wrong shoes, the wrong food, the wrong this that and other things. His "cheap" backpacking trip is going to cost MORE for him alone, than taking the entire family on a REAL normal vacation.

I am starting to get very angry about this, and I rarely complain about my man. It is so freaking SELFISH. His excuse it "Well, I make the money." SO what? I do everything else, and I do in in excruciating pain, that he Mr. "never been sick a day in my life" can't even imagine.

Sorry, I can empathise with you, but even THINKING about this is pissing me off. I KNOW our vacations have to revolve around when my refills come up, and that I cannot do the things I used to be able to, but that doesn't mean I don't need a vacation, too. We have had precisely ONE vacation, in 25 years, that I have planned. ONE. Every other one, is based on HIS idea of fun. Which is usually being TOTALLY MISERABLE physically, so we can see "beautiful" shit. I DON'T CARE TO LOOK AT A FREAKIN TREE, if it means a FOUR HOUR HIKE WITH NO STOPS. I don't want to stay in a freakin tent, when NORMAL PEOPLE sleep in a bed. A vacation should be EASIER THAN EVERYDAY LIFE, NOT MORE DIFFICULT. But, his idea of vacation is life freakin Boot Camp, and I HATE it. I'm sick of it.

Ugg. I'm getting so upset, I'm actually staring to cry....

SO, yeah, I can empathise. Sorry, didn't mean to hijack. This is a sore spot with me.

im sorry pgell, that i made you think about bad stuff.
latest news, back to camping in the middle of no where!!!! why??? i dont know if i will go. I really want a campground.

You say... maybe you will be in pain that day? Well... the reverse is true also. Maybe you won't be in pain that day. Don't let the pain keep you in fears grip of doing anything that may be fun. I want to plant a garden this year, and I am determined to do it, regardless of the pain because I know that the rewards of seeing the lovely flowers and vegetables grow will be more than making up for what ever pain I do end up feeling.

What I'm trying to say is don't deny yourself from having fun because you are scared of possibly experiencing pain. Let your self have fun and live instead.

HUGS

Sorry. I missed reading all the replies. I really need to get new glasses soon. ( I thought there were only 10 replies. Not 18)

I am glad that he is willing to compromise. I personally love camping, but no one else around me does, so don't do it. I hope you have a fun and relatively pain free vacation.

HUGS

I really am slow. Just kick me OK? Sorry he changed his mind.
HUGS

yep, back to camping in middle of no where, it was my daughters idea! she has two kids that are going to be going, hope she has fun with the 4 yr old.

daughter said shes ok with campground, maybe if I find one? I dont think hubby cares if we go to campground or not, my daughter said some people are broke and laid off and may not go cause of $, i said then maybe they shouldnt be going then, its not that much to camp!

I have been camping in chronic pain. It works if you have a nice place to sleep. I always make sure I have a good air bed that is off the ground like in the back of the truck. It works pretty good, and I make sure we don't go for more than two days and it has to be close to home so that if it isn't working out I can go back. Oh and my big body pillow lovingly nicknamed the boyfiend has to come along also. As long as my request are met we can go and have a good time. I can't hike very far and I have to have a comfy chair and a good book. We have four kids so my hubby has to help out but it can work. Sometimes they just have to feel like you are doing things they like to do just be sure that it is comfortable for you!!

honor, I have an idea. Our men can go camping in the filthy "beautiful" wilderness together, and you and I can go do a spa (kids are welcomed!!)

Hugs,

P'Gell