I have a fantastic massage therapist that does acupuncture and acupressure as well.... she taught me ways of doing it at home without actually sticking myself... and it helps. She showed me how to take a toothpick, put it inside a straw and let it bounce and twist over the places they would normally stick you.

Maybe at your next acupuncture appointment, you can ask if they can show you how to do that, or apply pressure to certain points at home... that way when you are no longer able to go... you can try it yourself... so you can keep it up....

I was told that acupuncture/acupressure has a cumulative effect, the more you do it, the more the relief builds up... being able to keep it up at home may be a way to keep that effect going.

yeay for pain free times and woot woot for the cranking twenty pages out on report....how did the orca talk go?

I'm so glad you got some relief, however brief.

Yadim,

You never know what may happen. Hope is all some of us have that something will work. Hopefully the pain will ease after acupuncture is done. Is thereany way to eease up on your scedule? That's a tough schedule for anybody dealing with chronic pain.

I pray something eases for you

Hugs,

(((((((((()))))))))))

Mary Ellen

Sorry to hear the relief didn't last long..perhaps the tension you're under with your school papers shortened the acupuncture relief...are you counting the hours till school is over :)

Regarding hope; I think there's truth in the saying "Hope for the best, expect the worst." Having hope is really important psychologically and gives us goals and motivation, but basing our expectations off of hope just sets us up for disappointment. Never make plans contingent on a best-case scenario.

Regarding acupuncture; you might inquire if the practitioner could teach you some do-it-yourself acupressure. Another option once your appointments run out would be to try finding an acupuncture school and getting worked on by students.

http://www.acaom.org/find-a-school/

I am SO SO SO counting down! I have one paper that the due date has been pushed out so instead of Monday it is not due until Friday!!!! I have one online Final and one two page homework assignment both due on Thursday. I am taking the rest of today off of thinking!

All the relief from the acupuncture is gone now. After the next sessions I won't have to push myself like I did this week. My schedule this last few months has just been insane.

Hubby tries to do acupressure as much as he knows - he took notes of where all the needles were and has been trying to see if it will help me relax. I do like the idea of finding an acupuncture school - I am going to have to look into that.

My life right now is insane.

Once I finish school - which has been stretched out to the 14th as my last things due, then I have a house on the verge of being condemned to deal with. My health and my husband's health won't survive living in this black mold infested place for much longer. The mold is in all the insulation, the walls, the ceilings, and whole walls have shorted out from water getting to the wiring. Oh, and we have termites.

Talking to three contractors not one would even give us a quote to fix the house, every one of them said it was beyond repair and to tear it down. So, once school is over, I have to pack my life. Being packrats, hubby and I know that we need to get rid of at least 2/3rds of all the stuff we own.

Once the house is packed, and the garage (which has as much stuff in it as the house - just in taller piles) and we have sold/given away/thrown away everything else, it is time to walk away from this house. My Mother-in-law owns it, and she is not sure if she is going to sell it or repair it - but I can't live here.

Then it is sell my SUV, buy a mini-motorhome that has enough umph to pull a trailer, and haul my stuff and my horses, where else? to mom-in-law's back yard in central CA. From there we see about making a fresh start. Hubby has not worked more than five months a year in four years - so priority one is finding a location he can find work. Then we see if I can get healthy enough to work, even if it is just part time. Hubby wants to end up in Arizona and I am fine with that.

LOL - now that I have told everyone my life story, no, just all the balls I am juggling in the air... I am so tired. And any time to rest is so far away...

Yadlim and my Misha

SOunds like a new start is what all of you need and I will put out the welcome mat for you once you get here :)

A new start is exactly what we need. My daughter is grown and spending a year in CA establishing residency then she will finish her Bachelor's Degree in History - so it is just hubby, the animals, and I.

I will look for that welcome mat!

Yadlim who is looking forward to moving, but not to having me, hubby, 3 ferrets, one collie and my Giant Service Dog in a motorhome for a few years until we can get a house again - thank goodness that the horse stays outside!!!

Yadlim..i ve been dealing with chronic pain for only two years and my opinion on it is this - yes, i have reasons for pain and i needed and probably still need surgery to fix the cause, while some of gets better on its own, but part of my progressive improvement is psyching myself up for success. I realize that some of my pain is " real" and some of my pain is caused by hyper response to painful stimuli because i have had way too much. I try to heal the hyper response part of it if i cant fix the mechanical reasons. So, yes. I believe hope is worth it. Hope heals the emotional part.

Keep up the good work.

I have been off all controlled substances for 3 weeks now for the first time in 2 years.

There's a great book called The Trigger Point Manual by author Davies on Amazon for about $15. You can also get a device for the hard to reach trigger points. Trigger points work in the same way as acupressure if you can't continue with acupuncture. Personally acupuncture is better but its a decent substitute & you can do it yourself for much less money. About $50 for the book & the device. I can't remember what the device is called right now (theracane??)but it will come up when you search for the book. Its long & curved with a rounded end to push on the trigger points.

My Dr specializes in environmental issues (one of his 4 degrees) & living in black mold is definitely making you sicker. He's had me get my house inspected because it can trigger or exacerbate autoimmune/arthritis issues. Pain, respiratory & fatigue can skyrocket too. The spores can even live in your sinus cavities & nose hairs, sometimes for years. It's a major cause of chronic sinus infections & chronic bronchitis. A neti pot saline rinse will help to get rid of them. You'll probably be amazed how much better you will feel once you're out of that environment.

Good luck on finishing out the week & your degree.

Emerald

I don't think it's a matter of whether Hope is worth it, of course it is. I think what you've ran into is needing to learn the art of Moderation. Just because you feel better and have more energy and feel better to get something done, that doesn't mean you feel well enough to sit for 8 straight hours and pound out a paper.

Perhaps next time you have a massage you might go home and work for a couple of hours and then take a break, perhaps go for a walk, relax in the yard or on the porch to read a book for a bit and then go back to working on the school work. Sometimes when you feel good you have to break it up into smaller chunks of time to enjoy.

I'm glad you got the chance to work on your paper.

Kat

Yes, moderation is something I am not good at - but hope really is the question. Kat, I think you are wonderful, please don't take this wrong, but let me try to explain...

I have been dealing with the wrenching pain of my crushed spine for 9 years and the utter fatigue from the after effects of cancer for almost two years. What changed is that I had doctors telling me that when I got bad enough, surgery would put me in bed for months with at least a year to recover, but after which I would be functional again...

This was the plan. I could push on through life knowing that there would be relief once I finished my degree and could take the time off of life to just heal...

The VA outsourced the spinal surgery to one of the best neurosurgeons in the area, I was preapproved for any tests he wanted to run at his choice of hospitals, and all the VA wanted was notification of my date of surgery.

Then, six months ago in mid-Jaunary, MRI and bone density tests done, the surgeon jerked the rug out from under my life. With moderate arthritis in the full length of my spine, and all of my spine degenerating, fusion is no longer an option. I waited too long.

The neurosurgeion sent me back to the VA with a suggestion of a spinal pump (?) implant to relieve my pain. But the VA slapped with with a Dx of Fibro (because arthritis = muscle pain?) and sent me away - oh, after jerking me off of my meds cold turkey.

I found myself in a very hard place at that point. I have always known that I would never be whole again, but I always has the thought that I would at least stop getting worse... Now, back on my Hydrocodone and a muscle relaxant that makes no difference if I take it or not, there is no getting better, there is no just staying where I am, there is only going to getting worse.

At 44 I am stuck. I once loved being a soldier in the Army, even the 12 mile treks in full rucks for no apparent reason. I hiked and ran and broke horses and could not hold still for more than an hour. I was an adrenalin junkie. But now, I can't do any of those things because the drive there puts me in agony. Everything in my life worth doing is gone from me. Even my horse is showing his age and when he is no longer comfortable, he will be humanely put down - and that is just not that far away. I won't be replacing him so in five or six years even that will be gone.

I don't live with hope. It left me a long time ago. The only reason I still push on is that I promised my husband I would, it is not because I want to.

Numbness is where I live. Usually my mind is numb along with my body from the meds, but that numbness makes me forget sometimes to refill my meds on time. (Yeah, that is why my medical files read suicide risk). To hope means letting emotions back in, which means I have to face that I will always be in crippling pain.

So, it sounds weird, but "should I let hope back into my life" is actually the question.

(((( hug))), Yadlim...
I seriously do not believe it is too late to get surgery. I ve seen people with horrible arthritis and they HAD to have fusions because of spinal instability - there was not much of a choice - either that or wheelchair - and most of them did great as long as they didnt smoke.
I would hate for you to be discouraged.
The other thing is - after spinal fusion the neurosurgeons require people to walk ASAP and discourage lying down for months. Many people with severe back pain have immediate pain relief after surgery and just deal with post op stuff for about 4 months.
One other thing neurosurgeons choose to not do surgery - the spine will fuse on its own with time, it is painful, but it happens naturally with age to many people. The other reason they choose no surgery is that there are some general risk factors that may not promote fusion and a good practitioner will assess them very well before asking anyone to go under.
Either way, i hope you will be feeling better soon. You ve been through so much.

I always try to keep *some* hope but I seem to get disappointed a lot...moreso lately and find it hard to keep the hope because, even if hope got me to a good place, something else happens and I find it crashing down again...fearing the worst case scenario and not looking forward to much.

I follow the rules, I'm paying ridiculous amounts of money to see the doctors, go to hypnotherapy and psycho therapy, but I still fear *something* will happen and this relief that I've finally gotten will be ripped out from under me as fast as it was provided. Small things cause profound anxiety.

My point of anxiety this week is that I go to the PM on Friday before I leave to go out of state for work for 2 full weeks. I'm scared to DEATH they are going to decide to take away the med that is finally helping me get some relief. There is NO way I can handle two weeks of classroom time not being able to take ANY time off without relief. It would be horrendous and it's causing so much anxiety worrying about it. I KNOW my urinalysis will only show this med, they could count my meds this second, etc. but I still am getting anxious over it.

Anyhow, despite it all, I still try and maintain some hope because, otherwise, I think I would have given up weeks ago.

(((HUGS))) that you get through all this...it's so much to have on your plate at one time.

~Michelle