Jan, none of us want to do this anymore. It sucks, it is not fair, it hurts us and our families. The list goes on and on.

However, what are your alternatives? Are you talking frustration or taking matters into your own hands?

As hard as things are my friend... I find so much to be happy for in each day. As bad as things are...I remember that I could have terminal cancer; I could be without a home; Something terrible could happen to one of my children or my mom.

I know things are hard. Are you talking to anyone professionally? Do you have antidepressant medications? I am not trying to make light of your feelings, I am just asking what tools you are using.

I hope that you are able to find some IRL support in your area my friend...one of the most difficult things in regards to CP is having no support IRL.

HUGS to you my friend, please feel free to message me anytime as well...I will be here to listen.

Brandi

Sorry things are so tough @ the moment JC.... Sending a healing wish and a huge (((HUG))))... to a magic friend....

I second what Brandi said. I am here. I love you and you can contact me anytime.

Remember to ask yourself "what are my blessings?" You could be homeless, or without family or friends who care about you. You must make yourself aware of all of God's blessings. It will help get you through!
I've been there. I've been in a mental health unit because I had suicidal ideations. I know how it feels to not want to live anymore. But I kept the face of my son in my mind and knew I had to try another day. And then another. And then another. Someone or something will get you through this. Only you know what it is.
God bless!
Sandy

i love you jc..and im always a phone call away!!!!!!!

jan, i know you're having a rough time of it. most of us have hit that wall. i hope you get rid of that awful thing in your lungs. please hang in there.
whatever we can do, you know we will. you are a very bright light here!

Hey jc, I hear ya. You posted exactly how I feel. I don't want to do this anymore either. Some days it's like crawling inch by inch :( And not sleeping well, and calculating every movement... Plus the meds and costs and all I miss out on... It gets overwhelming. I just wanna smash something, ya know? Last week I tossed a few empty gallon water bottles out of sheer frustration. Nothing to clean up (except the bottles) and they were too light to hurt me throwing 'em. Idk what the weather is like for you but here it's turning warm and there's that "call of the outside" that I just can't answer. Tears have been a rather constant companion these last several weeks. I know it's my season of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) - not uncommon for those pain patients whose bodies prefer cold and hibernation. I know this response may not seem all that uplifting. It's not meant to be pollyanna. It's just meant to say, hey, I'm walking this road too. The feelings are valid. This all stinks. But we make the decision to breathe, to stick it out, to be survivors - sometimes that's a no brainer but sometimes that choice is hard work . Sound like you & I (and some other dear folks here) are in that season. We can make it through together. That silly "party" was a fun release - your humor is a great asset. Like others posted, we just have to find or identify how to compensate. There's a great site called metanoia that talks about suicide seeming to be a reasonable choice when pain exceeds our ability to cope with it. It's actually a very helpful site if the darker thoughts prevail. It kinda walks through those feelings in a way that is very supportive. Not only do they provide hotline numbers and contacts, but they get one to thinking about coping as the means of balancing the scale. For me it's a powerful image, those scales of "justice" with pain on one side and coping on the other... My coping side includes my kids, my PM, pain psych, meds, writing, learning new things (glad for today's technology), meditation, video games, and learning to pat myself o the back for "little" things like making dinner. But some days it feels like a damn giant boulder lands on the pain side and I'm thrown off balance. Maybe you're at that point too? If so, we just gotta regroup, these fine people here help so much, and add a bit of grenade throwing at that figurative boulder until the scales balance again. I guess I said all that to say I'm here, to validate your feelings and the struggle, to hug ya as one who shares the utter frustration of life-with-pain. Right now I'm trying to add to my "coping" column by reading Buddha'sBrain: the practical neuroscience of happiness, love, and wisdom by Drs Hanson (phD) and Mendius (MD). I'd love to know what others are doing to add to their coping skills too. Maybe we can all share and add to each other's arsenal?

Sorry if this is rambling or took a simple statement way too seriously. It really hit a nerve bc I feel like I'm floundering too. Wouldn't it be great jancam if this turned into a whole thread on coping and getting through the really rough spots?

Hang in there everyone. And thanks for sharing.
(((hugs)))
raggedy - who's trying desperately to make lemonade out of lemons. I sure think that means spiking it lol. never had hard lemonade but it matches the mood :0 Wanna join me in a cyberglass? I think we all have enough lemons to make a big enough batch!

Jc--so sorry. I don't know what else to say.

Love n hugs,
Theresa

Hey Jan, my hand is up too, I do not want to do this anymore! Nothing ever is easy. I hope you are OK and feeling a litte better today! ((((((gentle hugs)))))))

Hey JC, hope it gets better. And I hear ya, just told my husband that I dont wanna do this anymore after I got out of the dr's office, then I came home to my little boy who just smiled and said I love you mommy, I missed you. Makes it a little better. So...we love you! Hang in there

I don't want to do this anymore, either. Honestly. When I'm in such a spot it seems nothing consoles me. I pray you continue to reach out to others, friends and professionals. I have to tell myself that this too shall pass. I admire you for sharing this with the group. You are definitely in my prayers.

Been there for awhile now!!!
It does get exhausting from time to time.

Hang on till tomorrow.

i wonder what's going on. i love the warm weather coming, but i had the worst night's sleep.

so many of us seemed to have really dipped in the past few days. i'm "waiting for pain pills to kick in" and force myself to get out. i can see why my ex couldn't deal with this.

jan, i'm sorry, i know you are going through and amy and pretty much everyone.i just hate this. had 1 1/2 good days and have hell to pay.

i wish we could all get relief. for real. not just bandaids for giant wounds.

Understand.

You have received some great advise. I'm feeling much the same, but I have ti believe miracles happen. Sending you Angels to watch over you.

Antidepressants are a must for us CPers, constant pain depletes the serotonin levels in our brain. I hope you feel better soon.

I know it's hard And a constant struggle. Rest, my friend. You shine so bright and give so much......
Steroids like Predisilone alter our hormones, it is a very real side effect. It can give your body a boost but knock about your spirit.

This Day too shall pass....love ya! Xx

Big Big Big Hug to you Jan!

It could be the prednisone... don't let it do that to you. Find that place in you that is a strong warrior and fight it. That's what I'm doing. It really works.

Everytime I see a discouraging thought, I hold it in my heart from a place of confidence (sometimes I have to dig deep) and I melt it. It's about fighting with love those parts of you that need TLC.... the despair, the hopelessness, the discouragement, the frustration, the impatience. All those voices need to be loved but not indulged.

Sending you strength and courage,
Ama