Chronic Pain Support Group
Physicians and professionalsdefine pain as chronic if it lasts longer than three to six months and is persistent. It's distinct from acute pain that is a direct result of injury or trauma. This support group is dedicated to those suffering from chronic pain. Discuss treatments that have worked for you, find advice for your specific experience, and find support. You're not...
Hi Everyone. I'm just venting I guess, but I'm feeling SO guilty b/c I'm the sole caregiver for my mom and s-dad and I just can't keep up with helping them anymore! My pain is just so bad and I've become so depressed b/c of the pain and b/c of not being able to do the work they want me to do for them on a daily basis. My mom knows and see's the intense pain I'm in 24/7, but still there's a huge list of things I'm expected to do for them. Even doing the laundry seems like climbing Mt. Everest to me. It seems like there's always mounds of laundry to do, vacuuming to be done, errands to run, cleaning, taking care of multiple animals, coloring my mom's hair, keeping the kitchen clean, groceries, taking the dog to the groomer, etc... I feel so guilty when I just stay in bed most all day b/c the pain is so bad I just can't get things done that are expected of me. I live with them (after losing my home b/c of not being able to work b/c of the chronic pain), and I do pay them rent. So...I'm paying them to work for them. I'm an only child and have no help. They won't accept outside help...they don't think they need it. I'd love to get a place of my own, but have no money and things are so complicated that I couldn't get out if I were able to. Ex... my dog and cat. My 4 y.o. Pomeranian is totally dependant on me and has severe separation anxiety with me. He gets physically ill if I'm away from him for more than a few hours, yet my mom wouldn't let me take him with me if I did more. I can't have any friends come into the house b/c my mom doesn't like people and my s-dad is very sexually/verbally abusive to any friend I'd bring into their house. I've lost many friends b/c of his behavior. Having a very abusive childhood I know I have co-dependent issues, but have worked through them big time! I know that the work load and inability to relax and take care of myself is causing my pain to be much worse. I've already called the Office of Aging and had Meal's on Wheels for them, but my mom cancelled the Meal's on Wheel's b/c they didn't like the food and since they are of sound mind and it is their house, the Office of Aging told me they cannot help. I'm worn out physically and emotionally. I just needed to come here to vent and connect with friends who have chronic pain. Is anyone else out there in a similar position? I know it must be impossible for those who don't have CP to understand how much it takes your life away. Still.. I need help. Thanks for listening to me rant...
Kathy
Kathy
try to look at this as if you were on the outside. Read your post and pretend it is someone else posting. What would you tell them to do? What would be the right thing for EVERYone in the family including YOU? If I'm making sense....move fast. I feel the country is not going to get easier re: agencies and help very soon. Maybe wrong...but the sooner you move, the faster you can get relief. Take care of yourself.
Oh and I do know about abuse and how the victim feels guilty. Doesn't mean it's right. Or the right thing to do. I've cut alot of my family out. they were toxic to me. I needed peace. Now I am used to it...don't feel guilty...am at peace. And even more now see how selfish they were. Is that love? I don't call that love. I call my life NOW love...with loving people in it. Those other people are a distant memory. I feel so much better. I hope you do soon too.
take care
Just sharing. I hope it gives you strength to take care of yourself first. Remember on planes they tell you to put the mask on yourself first? If you don't survive you can't help others survive. Same principal. I do so hope you get all this straight so you can get pain relief and begin to really enjoy your life.
Sorry if I sound matter of fact. I'm old and more and more I get to the point ...maybe a little too quick. But think....when old how much time do you have? You begin to think....I'd better say what I think now before it's too late. :) I've wasted alot of years being codependent. Now it's my job to make sure I survive. I hope you understand what I'm saying.
I've seen you on the other board too. You've got to put your foot down make some changes. Adult Protective Services can give you some more resources to check on.
I'm exhausted and can't see to type anymore. Do something.
From being a caretaker to my grandmother and having a lot of elderly clients, you need to take breaks. Some how some way you need to take care of you in this. I think they call it compassion fatigue. Where a care giver gets totally fried.
I wih there were easy answers, but there aren't any. I am sorry you are in this situation and all I can do is relate.
If it helps, come here and vent. It's the right place to do it.
God bless!
Sandy