Chronic Pain Support Group
Physicians and professionalsdefine pain as chronic if it lasts longer than three to six months and is persistent. It's distinct from acute pain that is a direct result of injury or trauma. This support group is dedicated to those suffering from chronic pain. Discuss treatments that have worked for you, find advice for your specific experience, and find support. You're not...
OK..obviously not going to be a happy post.
We talk often of grieving the loss of our " real" selves.
Today...I'm feeling the loss for my family of that self.
So many holidays have come and gone with barely a nod from me.
I have the most wonderful husband who's been an amazing stepfather to my kids for sixteen yrs.
My daughter picked out a card for him from me, because I've not been able to get out. I won't be cooking because I'm not having a great pain day........and so on.
It just has really hit home with me today how much my family has lost to my pain and illness. I am hardly a wife or mother any more. My husband is virtually a widow but still bound to someone not capable of being a wife. My daughter takes care of all of my old responsibilities...and both take care of me. I want so much more for them. They DESERVE so much more.
Of course, I wish for me that this hadn't happened. But..so much more than that....I wish for them it hadn't.
I don't know why I'm putting this out there like this....I just feel I could be engulfed in this sadness.
I'm sorry for spreading unhappy thoughts....I feel like I could just be overtaken by this feeling....and, sometimes, just talking with you guys eases things. Thank you.....hugs...jc
We talk often of grieving the loss of our " real" selves.
Today...I'm feeling the loss for my family of that self.
So many holidays have come and gone with barely a nod from me.
I have the most wonderful husband who's been an amazing stepfather to my kids for sixteen yrs.
My daughter picked out a card for him from me, because I've not been able to get out. I won't be cooking because I'm not having a great pain day........and so on.
It just has really hit home with me today how much my family has lost to my pain and illness. I am hardly a wife or mother any more. My husband is virtually a widow but still bound to someone not capable of being a wife. My daughter takes care of all of my old responsibilities...and both take care of me. I want so much more for them. They DESERVE so much more.
Of course, I wish for me that this hadn't happened. But..so much more than that....I wish for them it hadn't.
I don't know why I'm putting this out there like this....I just feel I could be engulfed in this sadness.
I'm sorry for spreading unhappy thoughts....I feel like I could just be overtaken by this feeling....and, sometimes, just talking with you guys eases things. Thank you.....hugs...jc
You are entilted to feel whatever you are feeling.
I raised my girls mostly from my bed and I can honestlly say that both of them have thanked me that when they moved out they knew how to take care of their homes, because of helping me.
They thanked me for being their mom and for loving them and for always being there for them.
I had the time to give them the important things like love and my time.
Your family loves you for who you are. Not material things. Show them how you appreciate them with extra love and affection, it's that simple.
Ask yourself the question " what if it was one of them would I love them any less"?
Love and hugs my friend,
Toni
I think that our families do certainly suffer, almost worse in some ways. I know that my mom is deeply saddened that I am disabled. My son had a mental break down because he is constantly worrying about me. My daughter is terrified that I will fall.
The things that have helped us through them is OPEN communication, COUNSELING services, setting up NEW FAMILY RULES etc. Also, I am very, very open with my family regarding my issues.
It really helps them to know that I may do things with them -- knowing full well that I will be in a lot of pain later. This is something that we openly discuss so they know that it is NOT their fault that I hurt more or don't cook dinner a few nights. We make plans KNOWING that these things will happen so that we are all ok with it.
I don't know what it would be like to have a spouse as I am single. What I can say though is that you have an AMAZING family. Your husband and daughter must love you so very much to continue to care and support you. It is more usual that medical crisis within families cause animosity and divorce. People truly don't understand "til death do us part" is much easier than "til chronic illness invades our marriage" happens.
Don't feel guilty Jan. Guilt is for issues that you can control, that you are at fault for. You cannot be at fault for your illness, nor can you be at fault for the effects that it has on you and your family.
Your emotional and spiritual relationship with your family is more important that your ability to clean your house and go shopping for the day.
Much love, support and HUGS to you my friend.
Brandi
Love,
Heather
im so glad you recieved so much support here,it makes me feel better to know how much everyone here cares and understands...thanks for sharing here and for being my friend...
i'm sorry you're so bummed but, i must admit it IS nice to hear you share this with us. there are a lot of good people rooting for you.
i'm one of them.
none of us want to let our families down, with cp it's not just once in a while, it's too much and too often. but, we didn't ask for this and allowing the monster that is blame to nip at us is almost an admission of guilt. we aren't at fault and we should not feel guilty for something we cannot control and didn't chose.
but, it's so normal, isn't it. it's so easy to take it out on ourselves. but, i think it's absolutely unfair and unproductive. i'm so sorry it's got a hold on you.
i asked my ex the question that came up on lmbm. you know what he said? yes. not that it matters now and while it can't make up for anything, it was nice to hear a vote of confidence and purity inside of a marriage so upside down. i know your husband said yes and i would believe him!
if i may be a total ass now, i bet he needs you emotionally. you can't help him while you're mired in bs guilt. erase it if you can. i'm sure it really breaks their hearts to see you so upset over something that none of you can control.
with lots of love,
jen