jc,

I guess I"ve been lucky- I've never gotten a rude or mean reply when I post something positive.

But good comes with bad. One day we're good (like I am today), and sometimes it's really, really bad.

I think to be supportive is to accept both ends of the spectrum. We've all had good days, and we certainly all have had bad days.

Sandy

I'll take all the positivity I can get. Alone, I am mired in my own depressive thoughts and feelings.

You made your point very well right from the start! I not only got it, but completely agree.

Hugs...

JC-- I think you made your point and you did so without offending anyone. Kudos!! I hope I have never said anything inappropriate to anyone. I try to post positive replies in order to boost the spirits of the poster. I'm sorry if I have offended anyone personally. This is a place to post your feelings and the person replying is posting their feelings too. We all need to be tolerant of eachother I think. I'm glad we have a forum like this to share our pain and feelings with like-minded people.

I am sorry we are all here because that means we all suffer from pain. I do consider you all my sounding boards and you can consider me the same. Thank you all for your support. I am still new here and learning the "rules" but I will always try to be the supportive person you all need.

Take care and I hope you all have a pain-free day. Laura

You know - just musing here - when I saw the title of this post I thought of that old tale "that's good; that's bad" where the farmer gets sick - bad, no, that's good bc the son took on more responsibilty- oh that's good; no, that's bad bc the son broke his leg plowing the field; oh, that's bad, no, the army came to enscript him but couldn't bc of his leg, oh that's good; no that's bad bc they took the father instead... And on it goes (I probably got a gazillion things wrong lol) but the point is there are just different ways of looking at the same things. And maybe it's just that we are tied down with words here so we can't always relay what we feel, and none of us really know the whole full picture... So I think it's kinda important to be aware that things can be taken in a variety of ways. I've had people post callous responses a few times and it brought me down. These same people think it's their given right on a "public board" to sound off however they want... But I prefer to try at least to consider what the poster is really needing/wanting. There are times when I hear "think positive" and I wanna puke. And times when I know the person is searching for words to support me and that's all they've got at the time... Then I just trust the kindness in their intent and try to let the wording slough off.

Today is crud for me in what's been weeks of crud - hey I'd like to start the whole damn year over (actually, more). It hurts me a lot when people (irl) say stupid stuff like you're still dealing with that? Or, I hope they find out what's wrong with you - ( they don't realize it's What Else is wrong...) ugh.

But yeah, if I didn't try to hold onto some bit of positivity, it's a slippery slope into the abyss. I'm grateful for the folks here who've rescued me from the edge with a simple drive-by hugging or a simple "I care". Much luv to all, raggedy

Well said, Raggedy.

I always worry a bit when I say something positive to those who are hurting, but it's my way of showing support. I hope I never offend anyone. We all must remember that words can hurt. Be careful what you right and make sure it's not offensive in any way. You don't support someone by tearing them down or belittling them. That just adds to the problem. It's not the solution.

Sandy

JC, I'm positive by nature. I know that I'm thankful that I can still walk unassisted (although I probably could benefit from using a cane).

I have unmanageable pain much of the time. It's hard for me to reach out so I don't complain alot. I'm learning how though, the longer I'm here and I thank the entire community for that.

I also know that no matter how hard I want to climb under a rock at times, that I must keep going because the good days really are out there. It's heartbreaking, at times, to read posts of the pain others endure. I don't encourage or discourage. I just do my best to provide comfort. Thanks JC

JC I agree, it's not telling someone to be positive, it's trying to have a positive attitude in spite of the limitations and pain we all have to endure.

Yes we have to address each post independently as is needed, but we are here to support and comfort each other. We also are here for understanding so we don't cross certain lines.

I would much rather someone told me in a way to crawl out of that hole than help me dig it deeper. Constant negativity just makes that hole deeper and deeper. Anyone on here is welcome to give me positive energy any time!

I don't want negative feedback. I want hugs, prayers, understanding, songs and positive quotes. I need my friends to be tough for me, so I can be strong too.

If I can be that person to you, I hope somehow it is not looked at as a negative :)

So smile and have a lovely day with lots of hugs!

Toni

Now I am sad. I don't know how to respond anymore. :(

raggedy, that's one of my favorite stories and i'd forgotten it. i think it's from the tao, but i may be wrong. we never know where one thing leads.

i had one of those experiences today that i won't go into here, but it was a bad good bad good....but i was just saying whatever, i'll deal, then it happened.

Oh..no..I'm so glad I came back to finish reading this.

RJ..
Please don't be sad.

The whole point is that..any way you respond is OK if you mean to be supportive. And..I've never known you to be anything but supportive.

There is no wrong or right way to give support it when its done with caring intent.

That's my story..and, I'm stickin' to it...:-) :-) :-)

Hugs to ALL

I've had a hard time the majority of my life and if I didn't fight it with positivity I wouldn't have made it this far.

This past yr has been the roughest one yet. I lost my soul mate, my best friend, my true love, Jim, to complications from lung cancer.

Every day is a struggle to maintain a positive attitude. I know it is what he would want and expect from me. He always said I am the strongest person he knew.

I live by myself and have me to take care of myself. My arms/hands don't work good. I have problems standing and walking for very long. I'm unable to drive. Jim was my rock and my help.

Once a mth my daughter takes me to the store to get food and supplies. Getting to the dr is a real challenge. I have to see a new dr because mine left and now i'm cut off of my pain meds. I'm usually at a 7-8 level.

My point to all of this? If I dwell on all of the negative surrounding me all the time, it would swallow me up! I focus on the good things instead. I've had and still do great support on here. I can give support and it is appreciated. If not someone else will. I can hug alot of ppl and I get alot of them too. I could go on and on.

I don't have to say be positive, actions speaks louder than words.

I don't talk much about myself, I don't like attention on myself. If I have to put myself out there in hopes that someone will somehow see the light then so be it.

I empathize with everyone on here. I have days it hits me hard to see how much everyone suffers and I want to give something anything that I can to make it better for everyone. My words might not always be right, but my intentions are always good.

Thanks for listening,

Toni

Hey there JC, Sorry I haven't been on much. I just ran into this thread and started reading the posts. I decided to just skim through because.... well there's a LOT of them and also because seems like a lot of people have different opinions and are kinda going back and forwarth (from what I gathered). I just want to say that, I couldn't agree more. There's definitely nothing wrong with feeling horrible and being negative when in the depths of CP. It's pretty hard not to be, what is wrong is lashing out at people that try to help. I'm ashamed to say that I've actually done that before ot of the pain just putting me in a bad mood. That's why I didn't hold it against the gentleman who got angry at me a couple months back (or however long ago it was) when he got angry at me for just trying to help. I know what it's like being in so much pain you aren't yourself. I use to never be positive and thought I should just be put out of my misery until God caught me one day sitting in a small feild and asked talked to me about why I never bothered resting in his arms and seek his comfort. Long story short, my father is the only reason I'm able to be positive, and I'm happy to be. I will never stop no matter what my body or my life my throw at me. Thanks for the post. LOVE IT!

Wow! All I really have to say is how much this board has changed since the beginning of the year. We would not have been able to have a discussion like this without someone getting angry and another person going off. It shows how much this board is cared about by us, its members, and how willing we are to compromise to help each other out in any situation and really be there for each other.

We have held each other up through the thick and think of things here lately. I know a lot of us are going through some rough patches, myself included. And JC your right in your last statement, "any way you respond is OK as long as it is meant to be supportive." I think that really hits the nail on the proverbial head. We are a support group and that's what we do, support each other, the best way we know how. If we don't have the words we send a hug, or we reply to their post. Or we want to go more in depth we send them a private message. But we support each other the best way we can.

I think this has been one of the healthiest discussion posts in a while and thank you for bringing up the topic JC!

Gentle hugs,
Jenna

I agree with Jenna....... good discussion. I can remember times when I wished we could discuss things like this openly and with love and honestly and now we are. Maybe us CPers are the change we want to see in the world.

Maybe all of our love and prayers for each other are breaking a path for light to travel out to others.
Why not?
J.C. I agree with your original post and I also agree with
sunnybunns post , I think it was on page one.

I think we so desperately want to be understood that when we think we aren't it just hurts.
I remember just months ago when I felt misunderstood because alot of talk was about stretching and exercise and I just couldn't do it. Every move made me hurt worse.
Nothing was helping the pain and I was in distress.
I think that is when we get overwhelmed and nothing makes sense.

Good thoughts everyone.