I understand this it too shall pass things get better!

Hi,
Many times these feelings and reactions are side effects of certain medications. You need your doctor to go over the meds with you and see if you need to change any.

I am having to keep check on myself because one of my meds causes me to crave sweets. I never eat sweets before. I just eat chocolate when I know I won't get caught. I am not supposed to eat chocolate so I try to keep to the virtual chocolates LOL.

The extreme mood swings are a part of various medications and some illnesses. Very important to call your doctor's office and tell them what is happening.

Please keep us up to date, so we can help support you.

Hugs-RJ

I agree fully with RJ on this one. Certain medications can cause a lot of different side effects. I get mental fog from Warfarin and doctors argue with me that it does not cause mental fog. You know you better than anyone else and it sounds like you're not yourself right now. I can also relate with wanting to find purpose in your life because you no longer have a job. Most people have their entire existence/identities tied to their job. It's the first or second thing people ask you when you meet them "what do you do?" I had been feeling really down for the last two years for not working. The year before that I was too, tired, sick, and still in shock from almost dying from blood clots to care.

I keep on going over in my head the fact that I sat here and did absolutely nothing or two and a half years. I have never done anything like that before. I never had a high power job, or any spectacular job In the past. I didn't even make a lot of money, but I was able to support myself. pay all of my bills, and save money in the bank. If it ever gets to the point where I can't even perform in a work from home job, or a part time job out in the real world, I would be really distraught. I truly can't imagine living the rest of my life on the couch in pain. I also miss driving and traveling all over the country. I'm kind of living my past as a driver through the drivers I am booking loads for. I feel like an old man with nothing more than my road stories to tell. Everyone keeps on telling me that I'm too young for all of this. Any how, you keep on pushing forward. You are here for a reason. You have helped a lot of people on here by offering up your words of support! I appreciate your support! I hope you are feeling better today. Hugs!

Honestly, your behavior doesn't sound like OCD....it does sound like your searching for something fulfilling to replace the work that you used to do, that used to fulfill you. This isn't an uncommon feeling when your adjusting to living with Chronic Pain, you go through various stages of understanding. One of those is learning how to have a somewhat full life in spite of the Chronic Pain. Meds can also have side effects that affect your moods and make them hard to control. Pulling away from your family is not that uncommon either, we often see them as "normies" who have no way of understanding what we're going through or what our needs are at this point. We want them to, we want them to understand exactly what we feel, how hard it is, how to live with pain....but its hard to do that when you've not been in our situation.

It might help you to speak with a Therapist or Counselor and learn how to cope with these feelings before they overwhelm you.

Oh yeah, depending on what Search Engine your using, you should be able to just click on the word then right click and the spell check menu will pop up...it works that way for Chrome and Firefox.

@uncommon
honestly the last of my self-esteem is tied up in the few hours I can still work...I totally understand why you want something meaningful and purposeful to your life after being overtaken by illness and disability.

Some people are lucky and can volunteer, do regular work, socialize etc.

I can't, you can't. I'm trapped in a body which doesn't fit my personality, expectations, plans, dreams etc. It's been a common theme with chronic pain...plus my bowel disease aspect is so restricting also. Great topics to make friends and build meaningful relationships- NOT! Not even subjects to discuss in polite conversation.

You are trying to find meaningful things to do- what are they? Projects?

Is your family encouraging?

They are always going to talk about stuff which seems trivial...their lives aren't circumscribed by illness or disability.

I've said many times it would be better if I was dying of cancer than how this is ( I have revised this since I decided United Healthcare is out to kill me! Half-serious...)

I have become a little obsessive myself about having no debt and managing finances. I am scared about the moment I have to stop work. I am scared about just how scary it is having useless health insurance and all these letters and bills and lies keep coming...

Hang in there @uncommon. I hope your family will be there for you long-term.

Uncommon

Me too. I think it's a combo of the long term steroids and what OCP said about learning to live.

I went to the ER & what a flipping disaster that was. I relate chicken. I think Keiser permante hmo crap is trying to kill me. Feeling sick, need the bathroom.

just keep going with what interests you and I think the newness and the excitement of it will calm down in time and you will find yourself being able to enjoy it more so without being so "committed" to it

Thanks folks for your encouragement. I really do enjoy this site and the people in this group are the best. I really need the push sometimes when the pain wears me down. Today has been rough and I look to this group and read some of the posts to know that I am not alone in this battle against pain.
Thanks to all.