MaxPB, I can really relate to this. My daughter is eight. She's never known me not sick. I was sick many many years before she was even born. It's always just been survival for so long now. I love my daughter so much, she means the world to me, but I have never been able to be the mother that I wanted to be and it hurts so much. She is becoming more independent too these days. When I'm just done, and she's hungry, she'll go make the meal she's learned how to make, fried eggs. :) She caught something over the weekend, so couldn't go to school today, but she's not sick enough to be in bed. That makes it a hard day because I have no energy whatsoever during the daytime hours. So she's been bored but I hear the sewing machine going. She learned how to sew recently and that has been a great thing. It keeps her busy and she loves creating stuff. She's making her teacher an owl pillow right now. :)

Your son loves you! My daughter loves me! That's the most important thing of all. You can't protect your family from the negative effects of illness, but as long as we are loving them, that's what matters. The rest will work itself out and our kids just may grow up being more compassionate, caring people because of all this.

MAXPB, I'm sorry to hear about your inability to do all you can for your son. My kids were in college before I got sick,so I am lucky in that way. Even now though, I'm afraid the "sick" me is all that they will remember of me. Sometimes that's all I remember of me. My mother was chronically ill physically and mentally throughout my entire life. Sure, there were negatives associated with it, but good came out of it too. I am a very sympathetic person to people who are suffering from chronic illness. And I have always been a very independent person. Something I heard once about childhood responsibility really resonated with me. It's been quite a while since I heard it, but what I remember is: it isn't harmful for a child to have responsibilites, as long as the parent is still involved in oversight of the responsibilites and is able to provide praise and direction as needed. It's when it's totally up to the child, with no feedback or instruction that it's a problem from a psychological standpoint.

And, I think it may be in the nature of motherhood, but it's rare that we ever think we're doing a really good job, no matter how much we do!

My son was 5 and daughter was 10 when I became ill. I remember my son saying when he was a teenager that all he ever remembers is that I was always sick. Sad, but it was true. Then after 11 years of being very ill, I had what I called a period of remission. I felt better than I had my entire life. My son was in high school, but I enjoyed every moment I could doing things with him. Even though the last two years I have been back to being ill again, I am so thankful that he did get to see his Mom as a person for a little while, and not just a Mom that was sick. So, to make a long story short, maybe he will get to see Mom not always sick some day. My daughter actually took my illness harder because she did remember Mom not being ill. She went thru counseling for about one year when she was struggling with my illness.

I was fortunate enough to have been able to raise my daughter, alone...but I was in good health. I worked three jobs, was very busy, quite stressed, had panic attacks....but I was fully present for her and she knew it. She always wrote me poems telling me how much she loved me.

The dilemma I face is a bit different than yours, but equally troubling. She had to watch me take this horrific fall from health at age 26 after having me to herself for a lifetime. Horrible thing to see your mother bedbound after being used to seeing her full of life and very busy all the time. I think she thought I was gonna die.

End result has been good though! PTL! She knows how I cared for her, her whole life. She knows' I'm not faking anything! She's seen this illness drag me down, but yet she's seen me keep my spirit, and my sense of humor. She's seen that terrible things can happen to a person's body, yet they can still posess a will to push forward and be successful in their life!

I'm thankful that I was there for her in her youth, and I understand why your son's comment was hurtful to you. He didn't mean it to be.....he loves you dearly, and as he wrote and realizes "you try your best"...that's all any of us can do for our kids. And YOU are doing that. Pat yourself on the back mom.....give yourself a break. No guilt here. You didn't ask for this illness and it's not your fault you have it. Your son would love you no matter what!!! And he always will. You're doin great!! GO MOM!!!

hi well it wont hurt him to do things around the home, it will get him ready for adult life and he probably enjoyed it. thank and praiise him for what he does. he knows your ill. My children are older now but they used to do things around the house, go shopping or fetch food to eat as i was totally exhausted to even get out of bed. the fatigue as you know affects your brain as well (mental fog). i know this is easyer said than done but dont be to hard on yourself, your son knows you are doing ypur best. we are all mothers to our children wheather we are ill or not . there are groups for young carers maybe you could look them up on your computer this helped me and the children very much. ask your GP what help you can get and he will refere you. I hope this makes sence all the best jude

Personaly I think that makes his poem better. It says that he realizes you are human and he still thinks you are a great mom. If you were not sick and he said that you are not the best mom but you try it would still be a great poem.

Ok I write poetry, I admit it! But seriously, this is what makes it good. If he wrote that you are the bestest mommy ever ! You would be flattered but the poem would fall flat...and sooner or later you would too because no one is perfect.

As for the emotional part, I feel real bad about not being a better mom too. Cfs takes away too much.

I agree that it is good that your son is learning to do things, and to step in when needed This will help him throughout his life and make him a better adult to live with some day. You may get a thank you from his future wife.

On the other hand, I too feel bad when my daughter does most of the cooking and I know it wears her out.

Also....I feel even worse that most of the time my boyfriend and my 3 kids (2 teens and an autistic 10) do very little to help. I had a good month or too in Sept/Oct,. It took me all day to do what used to be a couple hours worth of housework. I was also assigning tasks to everyone else - 1-3 for each one in a day. All 4 fought me on it and my boyfriend was the worst. I was doing more that all 4 of them put together and none of them are sick.

Ultimately it was them fighting me all the time on helping out with anything that led to a major crash. I've been back down to not being able to make meals and do a load of laundry most of the time. Yes, to the point of starving in a house full of food.

Trust me, your son doing what feels like is too much is better for him and for you.