Absolutely - step mom was very controlling, but at the same time she was afraid of her step daughter. DIL's father is a passive/aggressive person and just sort of let the wife and daughter do whatever made them happy so he didn't have to deal with anything.

It is the pastor and the mothers of my ES's friends who let me down, IMHO.

Sad but probably true Norske and Lindajoan...many times the "in laws" are so insecure in their own relationship with " the kids" that will they enable and even put forward the thought :let it just be us" It shows deep insecurities on all of their parts but it happens.

My daughter (not estrnged at this point in time) married into a family that my her own words...she could not stand the in laws...the relationship was rocky and wierd at best. I told her many many times that in order to have a good marriage that she would have to accept...be respectful of and civil to her in laws as problems would come about from not doing so. As her mother I did not want to see her continue the wrongful relationship with her inlaws and encouraged perhaps demanded (as a mom) that she cease her trying to estrange them from their son and just accept them to a degree warts and all.

Now they are the only parents in the relationship with my ED's family they are the only grandparents...everyone is still in the picture but me. I appealed to the inlaws several months ago to intervene (as parents) and tell from their standpoint how hurtful it would be to be cut out of a childs and grandchilds life. Their answer to be was..."we dont get involved with other peoples problems we are not having a problem..you are". That was the extent of the conversation.

I am not so glad that I did or said what I did to daughter years ago to make sure they were not cut out of sons life....but I know it was the right way to be and the right thing to say even if it did turn out to be NOT in my benefit. At least I can look in the mirror and know I did the right thing....wonder how any of them are able to look in the mirror...much less into their own hearts with out being dismayed at what they see.

Evil is alive and well on this earth and practiced by many...in many different walks of life...we must stand our ground and be aware....evil flourishes when good people do nothing.

AllK

AllK - you definitely did the right thing. But I'm afraid those inlaws aren't giving your feelings the slightest big or concern. We live in such a "it's all about me" society, as long as they are in their lives, they don't care about you. Very sad.

Just today my DH and I were chatting about a simple thing that bothered me when we first got married. He would take the newspaper and read it while I fixed dinner - or breakfast - and as he read each section would throw it on the floor and just leave it there. I asked him "why did you think you could do that and did you think I should pick it up so that I could then read the paper?" He said "guess I didn't give it a thought." Just a simple example of how a loving person showed "it's all about me".