My son had always lived at home while he was in college. Always said there was no need to pay for dorm expenses, etc. when he only lived 10 minutes away from school. I think it was also easy b/c most of his friends still lived at home. He never siad anything about moving out. He started gradute school with an assistantship which paid his tuition and also a monthly stipend. After getting his stipend for 3 months, one evening I got an email about a credit check (I have 2 creidit monitoring programs). The creidt check was from a leasing agency. I asked my husband if our son was looking to move out and he said yes. Turns out my son had told him he was looking to move out but didn't want his dad to tell me. Turns out this had gone as far as him applying for a lease and he had virtually done everything except sign the lease. I guess I got this email b/c he is on two of our credit cards and perhaps he listed the cards as credit checks or b/c his social security number is on the credit card accounts. I don't know what triggered the message.

I felt hurt and somewhat betrayed by both of them. They both said he wanted to tell me at the right time but I considered this important to our family structure since it affects our communication and interaction as a family. Well, 3 weeks later my son moved out. Since he moved out we normaly do not hear from him unless we initiate the contact. He says he is always busy. But you know in this day of cell phones in pockets 24/7, computers with email, can that really be an excuse? I've read things where "he must establish his independence and identify as an adult, we must let him communicate on his terms, etc" but is that really valid or something that we just accept because that's what society tells us? This wasn't true generations ago when families lived in the same community, where adult children lived close to Mom and Dad, etc

Just the way all of this happened makes me feel like I did something wrong, sometimes that he doesn't care about our family at all. I haven't slept well since I first found out about this. Some days I feel so sad and some days I feel angry. Why does it have to be that they can't just say hi? I'm so torn by this separation process. How can you be a daily presence in someone's life and then it just feel like they don't even think about you?