If someone wants to be a mediator GREAT! But I wouldn't pressure anyone into helping. If EC feel pressured they'll be more determined to do what they want. They're trying to prove their independence and will be more determined to prove it if pressured. At the beg. I asked a couple pastors to help me and was disappointed they wouldn't. I feel now God's telling not to trust anyone but HIM. God is the only one who can change her heart.
I don't think you have to keep it a secret though if you trust the person. I've met so many hurting parents

Your post made me think back a couple of years when we were trying so many avenues and pursuing our ED. We were living the estrangement every moment. It just about became a project for me to fix. My DH was able to turn it over to God a lot sooner than I do was. Nothing we tried was the answer. Our ED was not ready and only God has the power to change hearts.

After praying, see how the Lord is leading you. There is no right or wrong and each of our estrangement journeys are different. Having someone talk with our EC could be resented by them. It does not have to be a secret but be sure who you share with is trustworthy and has Biblical values. I have come to putting our ED in God's hands like the prodigal. We pray.

You are not alone dear. I very much sailed in the same boat as you. My goal too was not to have a wonderful career. It was to be the best mother and provide my children with a happy and peaceful home.
My ED was center of our lives and we raised her with tender loving care. But, after she was married she suddenly turned from being our little Angel to a real devil in disguise.
It took me a very long time to come to terms with my hurt and pain but, I have a reached a place of acceptance and peace. I just stretched out my arms one day in church closed my eyes with tears streaming down my face and spoke to God saying to him that he gave me this special gift and I am giving her back to him. I just prayed..cried and asked him to keep her in his tender loving care.
These children were a gift from God. We did our duty by taking on the responsibility fo raising them to the best of our abilities. Our job as parents are done. We just have to pray for them to be healthy and happy and let them live their own lives with or without us.
If they decide to not give us that love, respect and acknowledgement that parents are entitled to.... then it only reflects poorly on them.
Get yourself involved with helping others. There are church's, schools, homeless shelters, animal shelters that need volunteers. You will meet other people who have their own share of hurt and sadness and the fact that you are helping a good cause will uplift and make your life more meaningful.
When your ES has shown that he does not care about your feelings why are you brooding over him.
Life is too beautiful and short to waste it crying over a child who is ungrateful and you does not care.
Take care of yourself and God Bless.
Sera

Well said Sera. God bless you.

thank you sera , that helps me too

Some of the above comments reminded me of this, and I thought some of you might be amused (well, sort of....) at something my younger ES said to me at one point: "Mother is a title, not an entitlement!" I devoted my younger years to raising my sons, and even paid every penny of the salary that I earned (my husband, now ex-, was at the time earning too much for him to qualify for financial aid, and he chose to attend a private college) to paying for his college education. These words were his response when I was asking about his planning a visit to see me (both my older and younger ES spend all Christmases, Easters, Thanksgivings, and their vacations during the summer with their wives' families, so I was inviting them to come for Mother's Day so we could all be together....). Words fail me, but I am trusting in the steadfast love of the Lord that never ceases, and that is where I am striving to put my hope. Some days are hard though, and I can see that I am not alone!

Yes, so true that some of the attitudes and things said to us mothers are just down and dirty hard to take!! I just got a glimpse of my oldest on FB and even on there his look is cold and hard...when he is posing next to the DIL....I ask myself why? He's not had to see or talk to this old witch of a mother he thinks he has in 4 years now, so he ought to be smiling and happy by now one would think not having to put up with me but that look on his face I know right well and it seems he's still just as unhappy inside as ever....make no mistake my dear sisters, I don't think that any one of our kids are happy without us either anymore than they were with us....because the truth is that the unhappiness they blame us for, is not our fault...but theirs for being so hateful to us....ok, now I vented that and feel a bit better...LOL!! Thanks for listening!!

I do not think their lives could be happy when they are not following God's Word of honoring their parents. They have ignored that important commandment.

I'm so sorry. I know what I feel will offend a lot of you. I have tried the suggestions on here. The situation in my family keeps getting worse. I just want out of the pain. If anyone on this site has reached the point where they're willing to give up their life because of the pain, please contact me. I am a born again christian. My pain began when I was 3 years old. It's been pain in a never ending life. My life never mattered. I'm tired. So tired. Don't want to deal with it any more. I love you all, and I appreciate your encouragement, but at this point I'm done. Feel like I can't do it anymore. The pain is unbearable. God forgive me.

Let go of your son - give him back to God, who gave him to you in the first place, and ask God to show you what he wants you to do now. What he doesn't want, is for you to be sad or have unbearable pain. He loves you so much.

Say a pray asking God to direct you to his word, then open your bible and begin reading. He will make sure you are reading exactly what God wants you to hear.

I learned through time that God did not give me life to just center it around my children. We were to raise them, and then let them go, like letting a bird fly after you have fixed its wings. In time, that bird will come back. God is holding on to you; pause and feel His arms wrapped around you.

Barby, yes the pain is devastating. We relate. Please know that we understand. We all do. I have come to realize that in life there is no one who does not suffer. Jesus did. Is there a good Christian counselor in your area. A good church? Possibly, a Dr who can help with medication temporarily?

We are praying for you. Do not let your EC rob you of all that God has planned for you.

Barbyzhere, You are not alone in this journey. Please hold on to the promise our God gave us through Jesus. We are all beloved of the name above all names. You were made in HIS image. Never forget that.

Holy Father, I lift up to you now Barbyzhere, who is hurting and tired beyond words. Please Father, release the pain and anguish. Give Barbyzhere your peace and comfort now and in the future. Help to heal the brokenhearted and bring healing and restoration to our soles. Lord take the yoke of Barbyzhere and give rest.Help Barbyzhere to let go of ES into your hands. Guide us in the ways of Jesus , In Majesty and Power, Amen.

Barb, the enemy comes to destroy and to kill us. He lies to us and tells us that life is never going to get better, especially to those of us like you and me who have had a lifetime of suffering already. You mentioned age 3...I can relate...as had a rough childhood myself, was rejected by my parents and now rejected by my kids. I know well the weariness you are feeling now from the struggle of all the years you've borne your sorrows... so please understand I am talking a bit of tough love to you because I've been where you are myself...please forgive me if I offend, for that is not my intent....if you give up satan wins as he has destroyed you and your family...if you give up who then will pray for your EC? If you give up you will be giving your EC to satan without the hope of reconciliation ever again with you. Are you sure you want to do these things to your child?

Hello again Barb, I have been reading a book titled Spirit Wars: Winning the invisible battle against sin and the enemy written by Kris Vallottron. After writing the post above, I went back to my reading and the following lept off the page at me....I believe with all my heart that the Holy Spirit wants me to share what I read with you in this book. This is what it said:

" When you embrace death to bring peace you make a covenant with the spirit of suicide to comfort you. The devils ministry is to steal kill and destroy. Whenever we embrace one of these elements that is his ministry, we invite demonic spirits to oppress us."

There is no way that I believe that I read this randomly or by coinsedence...Barb, this is God speaking to you here....

Hello. I can't tell you how thankful I am that you are here. It's been a bad week and I've allowed myself to slip down into that black hole again. Lostall3 - what you said about embracing death was a real wake-up call. Thank you. To all of you, thank you. Your care and wisdom have meant so much to me. I also read a couple of articles that helped me and would like to pass them on to all of you. There's a website www.incourage.me Christian writers post articles on there and two that I found were "The Secret to Dealing with Hard Times" and "You're Wanted". When people we love don't want us, it's good if we can really 'get it' that we are loved and wanted by God. Even though I'm trash to someone else, I'm treasure to God. We all are. Sometimes I forget that God loves and accepts me and I take a stroll down a very dark path. Thank you for helping me find my way back.