I'm new at this estrangement myself so I am struggling too. I haven't seen my es in over a year. I don't think I'll ever get over it. I just try to get through, not day by day but minute by minute. Prayers for you.

Oh dear friend....I'm glad you found us. The Lord is our ultimate support system but He often speaks through his people on this forum. They have blessed me so much and helped me find my way out of the fog of despair. For me, finding happiness again is still an ongoing process, but I don't cry as often and I dwell less on my ED. I have put into practice the verse from Philippians 4:8 that says "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Our situation with our EC's is mostly the opposite of these things and keeps us in a perpetual state of depression. Along with changing what I dwell on, I have transferred my hope from my EC to God the father Himself. He is our only hope when it comes to changing hearts and circumstances. He tells us to have confidence in His abilities to "work all things together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose". In turning everything over to Jesus and the Father, I now wait, expectantly, for Him to work. I know it may be years...I may not even be alive when my child has the change of heart I wait for, but in the end, I hope to see her again someday in paradise. It's hard. Just typing those words overwhelms me with such sadness. I know, though, that we are not promised the ability to override the individual will of man, and neither will our Lord. But He can and will do everything in His power to bring about a change of heart for our children. The question He asked me in my search for an answer was "Will you still love me, chose to serve me and live your life for my glory even if your child never returns to you? Am I your first love?" It took a long time to answer "yes" to that one and I realized that all of my children had become forms of "idols" to me. I still love them all the same, but I have begun to look more carefully at how committed I am to this God I claim to serve. I don't know if anyone here would ever say they are "over it", for as you know, how does one ever forget their own child, but the "veteran survivors" on here have encouraged me. They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel...life can be lived again someday and even enjoyed. The Lord is with us, even in the blinding grief we experience with this kind of loss. He is near your broken heart, quietly holding it together so you can take another breath. He'll see you through this dark time. Peace to you.

You are not alone. Being a Mom was all I ever wanted and to have our oldest son estrange himself has definitely redefined me as a person. It has been over 6 years and I *am* doing better but there is still always an empty feeling and some things can definitely send me into a funk. Finding others in the same situation has been what has helped me the most and I hope it helps you too.

Hi Barry, I am thankful you have found us here. Please post and read. We are here for you. Estrangement is sad and we do greive our loss. We never would have chosen this. The one thing we have found is that only God can change our EC. We can trust Him and we can pray.

I remember almost 3 years ago feeling as if I could not go on. We must take one small step at a time holding on to Jesus. He understands and cares. He will help us move forward. It takes time to heal. We need to heal in every way. Life is not the same but it is still God's gift to us.

God bless you with grace and peace.

Welcome Barbyzhere!

welcome on board and best place for support

So much good advice. My ES was gone for 7 years. I learned from the topic of "detachment" here on an older discussion. I also turned everything over to God. I concentrated on the fact that God made ME special and for a special purpose so I chose to look for that. I found a new church, got involved in the community and made some new friends. I decided to concentrate my efforts on this and now that my DH has cancer, that is where I give my strength. Our ES has returned when he heard about DH's cancer, but now seems to be gone again.

It is okay. He is the one that will have to live with his actions. I do pray for him daily and thank God for the blessing of my ES, irregardless of what turn the relationship has taken.

barbyz, I totally understand the feeling of having lost such a great purpose in life. I fight this feeling every day. I know in my heart though that the Lord still has a purpose for my life, hopefully an even greater one. Trying daily to get past the hurt and disappointment and still serve Him with the rest of my life. Blessings and strength in the Lord to you.

Thank you so much to every one of you. I don't personally know anyone who is in my situation, and I feel ashamed to talk about it. I'm so glad I found you, or you found me. This has been encouraging. Just to know I'm not alone helps, feeling welcome here, and the advice and scriptures have warmed my heart.

Hi Barbyz, Welcome to the group. With the Lord's help we endeavor to help each other. I have learned a great deal from these wonderful women and from one estranged child who now and then gives her point of view. A year ago, I didn't think that I could live another day without my ES and family. Well here I am. I pray each day that God watch over my ES and his family and then I move on with my childless, grandchildren less life. Its not the same life but it isn't a bad life that God has led me to. Time and God are great healers. Blessings.

I remember someone on here saying that God entrusted our children to us for a time and now we have to give back that trust to God. It is certainly not an easy thing to do but it is God who we can put our full trust into.

Our ES left us in May, took our GC and disappeared. I have learned through mutual friends that they are still in the area. I really don't think anything is as heart breaking as a child purposely doing this to a parent. We have all been good parents and done the best we possibly could. Then to be treated like this is just terrible. All we really do have is God and He is there for us. This is a grief process but has no closure unless we decide to detach. Unfortunately I am not far enough along this journey to be able to do that yet. I do know that just dwelling on the cruelty of ES, is not the way to live my life. We need to hold on tightly to God and to one another. I really believe God has brought us together here and will lead us to be whole again. I am going to start volunteering. It takes time to get to a point where you feel like you can even move but if I can't help my GC then there surely people out there who are less fortunate and need us. God will always be with us so hang on tight to Him. Prayers and hugs

Barb, we all have experienced this great lost and hurt from our EC. Trying to move on is very hard. I take one minute at a time, praying for grace and for the pain to ease. I force myself to get up and going every day. I'm searching for what my new purpose in life will be. God has this in our plans, I just don't see it yet.
I've had many suggestions made, like volunteering, going to movies, help at Nativity scenes... Try not to shut down from the depression, allow yourself a small amount of time each day to cry and grieve, then go on to another task, be it housework, reading or a walk. Take care. Hugs

Barb, I struggle with this feeling every day as well. I gave up everything (gladly) to raise my children in a nurturing, Christian home. My daughter got pregnant at 17 and left - we haven't seen her in 6 months. She has had the baby now. She lives locally, but will not give us her address. So estrangement is just one of our daily aches.

We have been encouraged by the prodigal son story. His father did not run around and chase his wayward son down, but he prayerfully and patiently waited at home for his son to return on his own free will. We cannot find any info on how long the prodigal son was actually gone, but commentators guess it was years. The waiting is the hardest part for me. And, there are no guarantees these kids will ever come back, really.

All the suggestions given here for you are so good. It's much easier to curl up in a ball and cry all day. I've done that and it's non-productive. Please take care of yourself. Your life has such value to God and the others in your path.

hugs.

Welcome to the group Barbyzhere, I am sorry for your situation. I have 2 EC and I have felt the same as you. This group has helped me so much to not feel alone. I too, feel ashamed to share this and people's judgement. I have grown closely to the Lord and will not let satan take my joy that the Lord has given me away. I am looking for God's purpose for me now as I move forward to live my life in whatever way that will be...its new territory and difficult, but I come to this site and learn from the others before me and am so thankful for their support. Lean in, lean in...we are here for you! One tip that was significant for me was to learn to pray for God's Blessings for my children. This was very very hard to do. But I find this helps me in my efforts to not grow bitter. Hugs to you!