There isn't much you can do about HER - but you can let your ex know that HE is the one you had a child with, not her, and that HE is the one YOU will be discussing things with. What kind of over-stepping is she doing?

Punch Her In The Face...well really ignore her and inform your ex. that he is the father and he needs to uphold his responsibilities.
I swear this new revolution of getting new spouses to help parent a child PISSES me off!

SheROCKStoONE,

There are a few step-parents who are a part of this discussion forum. Out of respect for us, could you please keep comments like that to yourself?

Sorry, been there done that...when you have been on both sides (as I have) these types of instances are dealt with better with humor and truth!
Hopefully the "step-parents" on here are respectful and are responsible with there place.
PEACE OUT!

mdh...

Make sure your ex knows exactly where the boundaries are and make sure he relays that information to his wife.

As a step, it's very hard to figure out where those boundaries are. Some are well-meaning and don't realize they're doing things that are above and beyond crossing the line. Others are just jerks who want to take over. Everyone is an individual, including you and including her and including your ex and including the kids.

There are alot of folks involved in families with steps and the main problem is that the lines of communication are made of glass, they are broken easily and often shatter painfully.

Hope this helps!

Thanks to all of you for your input. Most of you offer advice that involves "communication" which is something he refuses to do. He wants to do everything via letter which makes it very difficult. He has joint decision but refuses to talk with me. He gets mad when I proceed with making a decision. He has written letters to my child's pediatrician, dentist, even the lady that has cut her hair since she was a baby.

We went through 8 1/2 hours of mediation. Two days he changed his mind. I gave him everything he asked for and as far as the every other week in the summer he gave it back...said it was too much for him to handle right now.

My attorney says there is nothing I can do. But how can someone hinder the care of a child because he wants to be part of the "joint decision" but refuses to communicate so I can let him be part of the decision.

As far as overstepping the bounds...she took my daughter and had her hair cut, puts makeup on her (6 yrs old) and it came out in mediation that she was taking showers with my child. That's why he is mad because I refused to remove from the parenting plan that she is not allowed to shower with my child anymore. So, everything he is doing is in retaliation...but my attorney says again, there's nothing I can do.

I am on pins and needles not knowing what I can or can not do with my child. I thought I would just take her and get the treatment she needs anyway and then he writes his letters. Now, providers are taking on the attitude that its not worth providing care and getting involved.

I am so, so stressed and I don't know which way to turn.

She BATHES with your child??

Sorry, but I think the mediator way is not working for you guys. If your lawyer says there's nothing you can do, then you need a lawyer who can do something. You need to take this to court. Makeup, that can be washed off, but the haircut thing is something you should be doing, not her.

Do you have primary custody? Does your daughter actually live with you?

This needs to be taken higher than mediation if your ex won't listen to you. It really needs to go to court.

Yes, she used to bathe with my child. As of the final approved parenting plan, this activity was supposed to have ended.

My child does live with me all of the time with the exception of every other weekend from Friday evening until Monday morning. He also has a some Christmas week and a few other holiday days.

Going to court rather than mediation...seems to be everyone's advice but I can't find an attorney that says I can do that in the state of TN. The parenting plan says that if there is a disagreement that we must enter into mediation. But, we have done that and he is making it nearly impossible to abide by what we have agreed to.

Get a new attorney. If the bathing with your child continues, and your attorney refuses to do anything and you cannot get one who will do something, I'd consider contacting social services. That is just plain weird. Why would she need to bath with a 6 year old child, especially her step-child? I have a 6 year old daughter and do not take showers with her. I am her mother, not step, and I still do not take showers with her.

As for the uncooperative ex, I am sorry I do not have good advice on that, because I have the same kind of ex to deal with, and it seems nothing works. I recently told him and his new wife, that I refuse to correspond with them via email anymore, and that HE not her, HE, would have to call me if he wants to discuss anything. of course he does not call me unless he wants to curse at me, and insult me. So I now do not answer the phone either. For me the only thing left is letter writing. Since I hjave restricted the ways of communicating, thus making it more difficult for his spouse to contact me, she is now accusing me of harassing her, when I do not have any contact with her and have not for weeks, and I have to make a trip to a diff state to go to court over her false allegations. My only advice is to either ignore them, or do your best to get along with both of them. Both are difficult to do. Good luck.

Just read your last post...go to mediation and do not agree to anything. That will leave no other option but going in front of a judge.

when you go to mediation, completely disagree with everything he wants to do so they have to take it to court, either that or maybe he'll change the way he does things so you guys don't have to go to court. I say argue until you are heard.

I wish I could say I didnt have to deal with a step mother, but my ex married a lady two months after he met her. She was ok at first but she decided it was her house her rules and she was the one punishing my children for breaking them, but they didnt even know what the rules were since my ex never set any. She decided to get in the middle of everything (but they werent married yet) so I had to get an injuction agains harrassment to get her out of the middle. She still trys to get in the middle by going through my ex.
I told my ex if he ever wanted his wife in the pictures he needed to make sure he was the one punishing the kids and he was the one that would be there for his visitation not just take them and leave them with her. Part of which has been added to the custody modification. Good luck. Its a long hard battle.

Has anyone ever tried to be a parent and was hindered because the ex has joint custody and refuses to give permission for anything? For instance, my daughter has two cavities and the dentist won't provide care because my ex wrote a letter and said his permission must be granted or the office would face legal ramifications. The ex won't sign for the treatment or any other activity for that matter (field trip, etc.)

is there any reason why any of you can not go to a judge/attorney and file neglect charges against the parent that refuses to sign for dental treatments, hair cuts, dr. visits? these are BSIC NEEDS every child has and if one parent is refusing to allow this to happen due to SPITE, it is clearly neglect. i think maybe you should go to protective services and file an official neglect charge on the parent that is making it so damned hard on you to be a good parent trying to provide your child with basic needs. this is crazy having to have non- custodial/non-primary care taker approve of going to the dentist. we have a parenting plan in TN and so far have not had any friction from my husbands ex (we have custody) but if she were to try to cause any problems over going to dentist, dr, hair cut, i would file charges against her so damed fast her head would take weeks to stop spinning, and she knows it. i do not play with her. she did not want her son, so all this legal techinical bs is exactly that, BS. just words on paper that i will follow the court order but she has no right to decide anything concerning my stepson because as far as i am concerned she gave up those rights when she walked out oh him KNOWING he has autism and needed her more then anything in this world. he is doing great without her now and i refuse to let her traumatize him anymore then she already has. I am willing to go to jail to keep her from having any say over him and she knows it.

To answer your question, I have filed a complaint with children services regarding what I too call "neglect". I got a response from them Friday indicating that there was no imminent harm therefore, they felt no investigation was needed. He is exercising his "joint" decision making and I am so frustrated. Everyone (legal, etc. tells me there is nothing I can do.)