Cheaters ONLY! Community Group

This group is for people who have had or are still having affairs and who want a safe place to get help and a place heal. If you are a BS, please be kind and not post in this group. Read all you want but please do not disturb the harmony. If negativity enters this group, it will be deleted. Good luck to all, and lets heal together.

125 Members

118 Posts

0 Online

cindy666 04/22/2013

I don't know where this sordid tale belongs...maybe in 'For Sex Addicts Only', but that group is moribund. I was on an adult site. I saw an ad. In it a local 'FWB' couple was looking for someone to 'dog' with this evening. There was a pic of the male's, um, member. I know in my heart, soul and gut it was my OM. He is VERY distinctive looking and he was wearing shorts that are the same as some I have seen on him. Plus, he lives on FB and he was not there tonight. I am devastated. Sickened. Wish I had not gone looking on that site.

So much for my theory that he just prefers masturbation. Fibre is likely right. He has other women, a 10 minute girl, etc.

I realize I am every inch the hypocrite for being on that site. I realize that I am trash. I realize that I should not even want a man like that. I realize that I should probably not be posting this at all, but I need to process it and writing it all down helps.

I am so so sad at what I have become.

deleted_user 04/22/2013

I'm not sure what the term "dog with" means, but I think this time I like my naivete.

May I ask why you were on that site? Were you looking for something like that or did you just have a feeling he was on there?

Don't beat yourself up. He's a narcissist. You wanted to believe the best in him, but you were wrong. We all fall into that trap.

Now that you know, what's your next move? If you've had unprotected sex, I suggest STD testing immediately. Do you still want him? Even if you do want him, will you act on it? Or do you think this might be the final thing that puts you over the edge on wanting him to be part of your life?

deleted_user 04/22/2013

Cindy, you are more than the sum of your deeds. Shame only serves as a barrier to healing.

cindy666 04/23/2013

jaded, to 'dog' is to have sex in public places (parks are popular), usually with strangers...

Why was I on the site? Someone I know who wants to try dogging told me about it. I went on out of curiousity. Lo and behold, the first ad I see in the dogging section is his, because it was just posted today.

I do have a problem with sex addiction and do associate with some shady characters.

We had sex once, back in December. Yes, it was unprotected, but he told me he had not had sex in years...(Duhhh)

Do I still want him? Sigh...not really at the moment. After he talks to me again...? All bets are off.

I wonder why he can have sex with 'her' (whoever his FWB is) but not with me...

cindy666 04/23/2013

Fibre, thank you for that. I will try to set aside the shame.

cindy666 04/23/2013

I realize how asinine my last statement in the first reply was. i should be thankful that I am not a FWB that he takes dogging...

deleted_user 04/23/2013

Mine was always public and drunk. When I wanted 1 hour of private and sober hearted but only if we had a third person. He said he needed that as a barrier to becoming intimate. Somehow he was able to be honest about that. Go figure.

deleted_user 04/23/2013

he agreed, not hearted.

deleted_user 04/23/2013

It's also intended to degrade us, trigger shame, undermine self esteem so thatvwe stay hooked to his approval.

cindy666 04/23/2013

Mine was always talking about other involving other people and about doing it public or semi-public situations, so it all fits. Even the way he worded it, 'Watch us play (you may be asked to join in)'. He always likes to use the word 'play' for sex...

deleted_user 04/23/2013

Yup, it's all fun and games til someone loses their dignity.

deleted_user 04/23/2013

"Yup, it's all fun and games til someone loses their dignity."

Ain't that the truth :/

deleted_user 04/23/2013

Cindy - Thanks for educating me. Is it awful that the idea of having sex in public is a turn-on to me? The strangers part not so much... That freaks me out. But if MM wanted to do something like that I would be all for it. I gave him a blowjob in the car once and it was sooo hot.

I know that was off-topic, and I'm sorry if it was triggery or not appropriate.

I think you can find someone more healthy to express yourself and experiment with. The reason it isn't you instead of this other woman is a mystery that is locked in his narcissistic mess of a brain. Be grateful that you DON'T understand it.

deleted_user 04/23/2013

Jaded - I like sex outside. Haha. I can't handle the strangers part, though.

deleted_user 04/23/2013

I thought that giving him what his wife would never made me better than her in his eyes. In fact, the opposite was true. To him, I was the kind you fuck, while she was the kind you marry. Madonna/whore syndrome. Guess which one he saw me as?

deleted_user 04/23/2013

I KNOW that my husband had the Madonna/Whore syndrome. I was perpetually on the "saintly" side of that equation, even though I'm such a sexual person and wanted to do soooo much more with him. I never denied him a thing, and actually begged for some things that he denied me only to give to his "whores."

I talked to my MM about that for exactly those reasons. He doesn't have that, though. He wants a "lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets" as the saying goes. He loves my sexual expressiveness. And the fact that I wear business suits and pearls in public but love a good pearl necklace of the other variety in the bedroom. ;)

Join the Conversation