Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I am so glad to find this site, I almost can't contain myself. I have no one to talk to at all, no one can know what I'm doing. I am so confused & disgusted but then again thrilled & maybe even happy? I hate myself.
I have been faithful for 20+ years in a relationship that I don't want to go into lots of detail about right now. I can't bring myself to do it. But I will say that I have never felt good enough for him, I have always had a huge insecurity issue with him, and he has helped foster that, I think without even realizing it.
So over the years, I have always kept up with my high school/college boyfriend. We have always talked a few times a month, sometimes more. He's always professed his love, I did sometimes, but we never went any farther with it. Life & families never allowed us to be together. We didn't even try.
Then I guess I was feeling vulnerable one day last month, he picked up on it, and BAM. We are now having the biggest emotional affair I could ever dream of, along with phone sex. We have plans to meet in August, because every single weekend until them, one of us is booked with something. He lives 8 hours away.
This cannot end well. It will not end well. He is now single & I have told him that I cannot/will not leave my husband. He's willing to do a part time thing, saying he will move to my city & be there for me whenever I can be there. Says he wants me & only me and that's all it's ever been for our whole lives. He said he's not going to settle ever again & if he can only have me part time, so be it. I know it's true, I've felt the same way and we've said this to each other, in a way, over the years. But knew it couldn't work out.
My husband trusts me completely. He's not snooping into anything, he's not worried about who I'm talking to, texting, emailing, or anything else. He would probably literally have a heart attack if he found out. He wouldn't believe it at first. Of course this makes it worse.
I don't know if someone needs to kick me & talk some sense into me or if I need to just run a thousand miles away & leave them both alone.
I feel so understood & loved with my old flame. He says all the right things, we have always known we should have been together & stayed together, but life didn't take us in that direction. We are true soul mates. I do love my husband but my old flame is my one & only SOUL mate. But I will not leave my husband, we have invested so many years, so many life events, and he's done nothing wrong. He doesn't deserve to just be left by a cheating wife.
I have no idea where to turn, who to talk to, or what to do. I can't believe I got myself into this. I have told my old flame that there's a chance I may not be able to do this because of the stress & guilt. I am so emotional already and we haven't even met up. He said he understands but he feels sure I will choose him in the end. I told him that's not happening, I'm not leaving. He doesn't believe me. And.... I don't know what to believe. I don't know WHAT I will do.
Well thanks for listening, I am just a very confused & sad person right now.
I have been faithful for 20+ years in a relationship that I don't want to go into lots of detail about right now. I can't bring myself to do it. But I will say that I have never felt good enough for him, I have always had a huge insecurity issue with him, and he has helped foster that, I think without even realizing it.
So over the years, I have always kept up with my high school/college boyfriend. We have always talked a few times a month, sometimes more. He's always professed his love, I did sometimes, but we never went any farther with it. Life & families never allowed us to be together. We didn't even try.
Then I guess I was feeling vulnerable one day last month, he picked up on it, and BAM. We are now having the biggest emotional affair I could ever dream of, along with phone sex. We have plans to meet in August, because every single weekend until them, one of us is booked with something. He lives 8 hours away.
This cannot end well. It will not end well. He is now single & I have told him that I cannot/will not leave my husband. He's willing to do a part time thing, saying he will move to my city & be there for me whenever I can be there. Says he wants me & only me and that's all it's ever been for our whole lives. He said he's not going to settle ever again & if he can only have me part time, so be it. I know it's true, I've felt the same way and we've said this to each other, in a way, over the years. But knew it couldn't work out.
My husband trusts me completely. He's not snooping into anything, he's not worried about who I'm talking to, texting, emailing, or anything else. He would probably literally have a heart attack if he found out. He wouldn't believe it at first. Of course this makes it worse.
I don't know if someone needs to kick me & talk some sense into me or if I need to just run a thousand miles away & leave them both alone.
I feel so understood & loved with my old flame. He says all the right things, we have always known we should have been together & stayed together, but life didn't take us in that direction. We are true soul mates. I do love my husband but my old flame is my one & only SOUL mate. But I will not leave my husband, we have invested so many years, so many life events, and he's done nothing wrong. He doesn't deserve to just be left by a cheating wife.
I have no idea where to turn, who to talk to, or what to do. I can't believe I got myself into this. I have told my old flame that there's a chance I may not be able to do this because of the stress & guilt. I am so emotional already and we haven't even met up. He said he understands but he feels sure I will choose him in the end. I told him that's not happening, I'm not leaving. He doesn't believe me. And.... I don't know what to believe. I don't know WHAT I will do.
Well thanks for listening, I am just a very confused & sad person right now.
I have to agree with CloverMom that I do not regret my A one bit. In fact, having met my xAP I found that all of my regrets in my life faded simply because I met her. How could I have regrets when karma brought us together.
That said, at almost a week into NC, the devastation and the paid is raw. And with a few excpetions, those in this situation are almost uniform in their descriptions. Knowing that, - trust us, it's real - you should turn around. Take up needlework, find a cure for the common cold, create an app, do the laundry. Whatever. But give the A a miss.
Look, I'm no saint, I've already said that if my xAP called, I'd go running. And I know deep down I'm open to the prospect again in the future. But that's the addiction talking. Not to sound too melodramatic, stop yourself before it's too late.