Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
I am so glad to find this site, I almost can't contain myself. I have no one to talk to at all, no one can know what I'm doing. I am so confused & disgusted but then again thrilled & maybe even happy? I hate myself.
I have been faithful for 20+ years in a relationship that I don't want to go into lots of detail about right now. I can't bring myself to do it. But I will say that I have never felt good enough for him, I have always had a huge insecurity issue with him, and he has helped foster that, I think without even realizing it.
So over the years, I have always kept up with my high school/college boyfriend. We have always talked a few times a month, sometimes more. He's always professed his love, I did sometimes, but we never went any farther with it. Life & families never allowed us to be together. We didn't even try.
Then I guess I was feeling vulnerable one day last month, he picked up on it, and BAM. We are now having the biggest emotional affair I could ever dream of, along with phone sex. We have plans to meet in August, because every single weekend until them, one of us is booked with something. He lives 8 hours away.
This cannot end well. It will not end well. He is now single & I have told him that I cannot/will not leave my husband. He's willing to do a part time thing, saying he will move to my city & be there for me whenever I can be there. Says he wants me & only me and that's all it's ever been for our whole lives. He said he's not going to settle ever again & if he can only have me part time, so be it. I know it's true, I've felt the same way and we've said this to each other, in a way, over the years. But knew it couldn't work out.
My husband trusts me completely. He's not snooping into anything, he's not worried about who I'm talking to, texting, emailing, or anything else. He would probably literally have a heart attack if he found out. He wouldn't believe it at first. Of course this makes it worse.
I don't know if someone needs to kick me & talk some sense into me or if I need to just run a thousand miles away & leave them both alone.
I feel so understood & loved with my old flame. He says all the right things, we have always known we should have been together & stayed together, but life didn't take us in that direction. We are true soul mates. I do love my husband but my old flame is my one & only SOUL mate. But I will not leave my husband, we have invested so many years, so many life events, and he's done nothing wrong. He doesn't deserve to just be left by a cheating wife.
I have no idea where to turn, who to talk to, or what to do. I can't believe I got myself into this. I have told my old flame that there's a chance I may not be able to do this because of the stress & guilt. I am so emotional already and we haven't even met up. He said he understands but he feels sure I will choose him in the end. I told him that's not happening, I'm not leaving. He doesn't believe me. And.... I don't know what to believe. I don't know WHAT I will do.
Well thanks for listening, I am just a very confused & sad person right now.
I have been faithful for 20+ years in a relationship that I don't want to go into lots of detail about right now. I can't bring myself to do it. But I will say that I have never felt good enough for him, I have always had a huge insecurity issue with him, and he has helped foster that, I think without even realizing it.
So over the years, I have always kept up with my high school/college boyfriend. We have always talked a few times a month, sometimes more. He's always professed his love, I did sometimes, but we never went any farther with it. Life & families never allowed us to be together. We didn't even try.
Then I guess I was feeling vulnerable one day last month, he picked up on it, and BAM. We are now having the biggest emotional affair I could ever dream of, along with phone sex. We have plans to meet in August, because every single weekend until them, one of us is booked with something. He lives 8 hours away.
This cannot end well. It will not end well. He is now single & I have told him that I cannot/will not leave my husband. He's willing to do a part time thing, saying he will move to my city & be there for me whenever I can be there. Says he wants me & only me and that's all it's ever been for our whole lives. He said he's not going to settle ever again & if he can only have me part time, so be it. I know it's true, I've felt the same way and we've said this to each other, in a way, over the years. But knew it couldn't work out.
My husband trusts me completely. He's not snooping into anything, he's not worried about who I'm talking to, texting, emailing, or anything else. He would probably literally have a heart attack if he found out. He wouldn't believe it at first. Of course this makes it worse.
I don't know if someone needs to kick me & talk some sense into me or if I need to just run a thousand miles away & leave them both alone.
I feel so understood & loved with my old flame. He says all the right things, we have always known we should have been together & stayed together, but life didn't take us in that direction. We are true soul mates. I do love my husband but my old flame is my one & only SOUL mate. But I will not leave my husband, we have invested so many years, so many life events, and he's done nothing wrong. He doesn't deserve to just be left by a cheating wife.
I have no idea where to turn, who to talk to, or what to do. I can't believe I got myself into this. I have told my old flame that there's a chance I may not be able to do this because of the stress & guilt. I am so emotional already and we haven't even met up. He said he understands but he feels sure I will choose him in the end. I told him that's not happening, I'm not leaving. He doesn't believe me. And.... I don't know what to believe. I don't know WHAT I will do.
Well thanks for listening, I am just a very confused & sad person right now.
I'm telling you your are playing with strong emotions love and guilt. Listen to is please!!
And the guy does not care about you. I know that is very sexist of me to say, but it's true. He wants to meet you to have sex. That's it. You are talking la-la right now about y'all being soul mates. Think about what you're saying. I'm sure he really started paying you attention after the phone sex, right? I bet you are floating on cloud 9 right now. You will lose all that glow in your skin if you continue. I can't give you anymore warnings. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
the most devastating thing regarding my OM and I "breaking up" is that I tried to hold on so long after his wife had pretty much ended it for him. I tempted. I tried. and after his D-Day he changed. I did everything to hold on to him because i thought the "old" him would come back. And I cared about his feelings becaus ein one breath he would say he missed me and the next talk about how he was planning a weekend getaway for him and his wife. I wanted to provide closure. But his actions since his D-Day and leading into my own showed me that he was more about the sex than emotions like I was hoping and that at the end of the day he didnt care for my feelings nearly half as much as i cared for his.
Drop him. Now. Cold turkey is the best option. Dont even give him a final goodbye for your sake. Because he will replyback and you will feel like you need to reply back.
Restore & silversprings, I am going to try 24 hours NC. I want to make a post of my idiotic attempt (twice today) to stop this. Maybe you can guide me into the next step. Tell me where I'm going wrong & what to do next. I'm trying.
go 24 hours. see how it goes. let us help you and we will all get each other through. then go another day. you can do it!
Dizzy - agreed there. If my xAP and I had never had sex or even talked about it, we would have just been close friends. ok i am deluding myself. Looking back on my issues, we were physically and emotionally attracted from the start although sex was the farthest thing from either of our minds at first. it was only after we realized the emotional connection. but i think now, my destiny was inevitable because he and i continued to talk and it just got deeper.
Mary - thats why its so great (if you can see it that way) that you have the chance to get out now. trust us when we way it will only go deeper and you will get more and more sucked in. until inevitably someone finds out. and they WILL find out one way or another. and then you will lose either your AP, your hubby, or quite possibly both. Do you really want that?
Yes, I hate myself.
And JustDrifting.....you still a snot!