HangingOn, welcome.

1st if you think you truly have an eating disorder get help.

2) This is what you will do to your husband when he finds out you are cheating on him.
Read question # 8 .

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ8


3) Cheating will destroy your life, your husband's life and the life your potential affair partner.

If I were you I would run away as fast as I could.

I agree! That's why i'm here, i'm trying to prevent everything from falling apart. Do you suggest seeing a sex therapist so I have someone to talk to?

I have no opinion on the sex therapist question because I've never seen a sex therapist.

Others may be able to help you out with that question.

Read the link I gave you and the desire to have an A will go away.

I am a BS and I have not spoken up yet, but I have been watching and getting some good insights into my own life. I wanted to say to you HangingOnn that you have already crossed some lines that you may never be forgiven for if your husband were to find you out. Cheating begins way before things start to become physical. Stop this relationship immediately and get yourself help for your behavior before it destroys your new family.

Thank you for that

Don't do it you'll never be the same!!! If you love your husband talk to him. It's okay to have fantasy but acting on them will kill you! Think about your baby your husband your friends!!

I've been on hell for three and a half months!!! You wanna cry, loose your husband, loose your child be the bad guy then continue!! You are playing with hurt!!

I came on here trying to find strength to not cheat. In general, i'd say don't do it! but I believe, what's meant to happen will happen. Maybe there's a lesson you need to learn the hard way. Save yourself the headache though. Tell your husband that you're human and feeling an urge to be with someone else. See what he says. If you do cheat... there will be lots of tears in your future, confess or not.
I wonder what's the ratio of people who resist vs. cheaters.

wow there is this thing called maturity and self control. When you got married you gave up the single life and entered into a partnership. You made promises that you would love and respect another and vowed that you would put their needs up with your own. The way I see it you have two choices. First you can get some help for yourself and explore why you are having these feelings of self gratification that need to be fulfilled and fix it before the problem destroys your family. Second, make the decision now that your own needs are more important than those of your family, leave now and show your husband enough respect to not drag him through his own personal hell while you try to figure figure out what you want out of life. Cheating, no matter if it is virtual, emotional, or physical leaves a trail of destruction in it's wake.Your family doesn't deserve to be dragged through this

For now on this post is cheaters only.

Maturity is trying to fix the problem before it happens, if this post gets you too keyed up please leave and do not contribute.

I have a similar problem as HangingOnn. I am married for a few years now, but no children yet. I got in touch with an old friend whom I had a huge crush on 6-7 years ago but never formally dated (but went out quite a few times just the two of us as friends with the intent of knowing each other better). He is also married now and has kids. He initiated the catch up and later confided to me that he still likes me. In the past 6-7 months we kept in touch purely on whatsapp (we have not met up at all after we both confided still liking each other), and we went through many cycles of flirting with each other, I call it cycles because he is an extremely busy and successful person and therefore he could ignore my messages from time to time, to the point when I feel ignored and upset and then I would stop contacting him for a while; then I missed him and contacted him again, he would flirt with me more than compared to the last cycle. Many people would say we flirted like high school kids because it took us quite a few months until he mentioned sleeping together. It is evident that both of us do not want to damage our respective marriages. The problem I have now is that I do have moral standards and I know that crossing the line will damage me and will probably make me feel very guilty later on. But at the same time, I really felt enticed to spend some time with this guy in private (as I find him very attractive, probably the most attractive person I have ever wanted to be with in my life) and doing couple things that we never did before. The other problem is he's not making any initiative and seems to want me to plan if we do decide to "go for it". I no longer feel that he cares for me as much now as when he first initiated contact months ago when he was still "chasing me back". I know he's not caring much because he knows I like him for sure now. How can I help myself to end this? How can I fight my physical needs/urges to be with him?

Sorry but by saying cheaters only tells me you've made your choice and not really looking to be pulled away. I am not a cheating spouse ands I'm sorry for not respecting your cheaters only request. Since toy don't feel you've chested then you too are not a cheating spouse.

I can assure you 1 thing and that is that you will forever change your life. Read the posts here from others struggling with their Web. The pain cs cause themselves should be enough to not want that. Nevermind for the moment the colateral damage this will cause to your husband and family. Just focus for the moment the extreme regret and pain the cs goes through as they live with their choices.

I'm guessing the majority would love to be where you are and having people throw them life lines to pull them back in from drowning.

Having a baby changes us and can suck the sexy right out. I suggest you find a good counselor and work through these feelings before you make this worse.

Hi, I just wanted to say that for me, crossing the line for the very first time was like the point of no return. I told my H about my feelings for another man before anything got physical. I was 32 at the time. We got divorced the next year and fast forward to age 40. I had someone court me during a rough time with my BF who was having trouble with his W and I believe it was the first "breach" that made it easier to decide to cheat with him. Which, btw, he moved out of state so I don't see him anymore but we keep in touch.

I guess what I'm saying is, once you cross over it's hard to stop - I know others have different experiences which I respect but that's how it worked for me. Affairs are somewhat addicting and I'm a person with no other addictions, mental issues, or self-esteem issues. I hope that helps you decide.

-jd

You feel validated by the attention of other men. I definitely understand. But understand that cheating on your past BFs will be nothing like cheating on your husband. I would not take JustDrifting's advice to scratch that itch. A friend of mine gave me similar advice by telling me I had to get it out of my system. Listen to me...YOU DON'T.

I know in the back of your mind you may be thinking, "I only have one life to live." Yes, you do. And it only takes one mistake to screw it up. You have one chance to bang an old friend. You have one chance, only one, to be forever faithful to your husband. Would you rather go the rest of your life never having sex with that guy or would you rather go the rest of your life with the label of CS, possibly divorced CS? Your choice.

I would advise not to tell your husband of what has occurred so far, too. He will not take it well, and it may tempt you further cheat. Get professional help. Do not tell others, not friends, not family, just tell a licensed professional.

This last bit is very important: NO CONTACT. None. Nada. Don't even text him saying not to contact you. Because he is going to text back saying that it is coming from left field, and he wants to be with you, etc. Basically, he will respond with bullshit. Then you will feel guilty about telling him you can't talk to him anymore. And before you know, you're talking to him again. Then you meet up. Go on a date. Things get physical because you believe what your husband doesn't know won't hurt him. Then you realized, because you're a female, that you fucked up. Uh oh, too late. No takie-backied. One life to live, remember? Now you are guilty and you come to DS asking should you tell or not. You decide not to. You go the rest of your life living with the guilty burden. Happily ever after to you!