Caring For Aging Parents Support Group

Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.

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ann54 12/03/2015

i haven't posted here in awhile, just trying to muddle along with my parents and set boundaries. well last night was the first time i have walked out and left when things were bad. a long story short, my mother is no longer capabale of even rehaeating a pre made meal, it totally overwhelms her, she is losing her sight and it is just all to much. my dad still lives and is well, but according to her he does nothing and everything she does is wrong. she plays the blame game and guilt game very well. i do feel bad for her but the constant refusal of getting help in drove me over the deep end last night. she was crying and angry over how much of an effort it is to re heat the dinner and your father not liking it and on and on. i said mom you need to get someone in who can make dinners and i again mentioned a place they eat at, is reasonable and they deliver, on Thursday nights the special is a hot turkey dinner. it was like talking to the air. i said it again and she angrily said i am not paying someone 20 dollars to be here and cook dinner1 i got up and said i have to leave i cant take this same conversation again and i don't want to say things i will regret.well the river overflowed. i ended up saying since they are not moving anywhere, they have the money and what are you waiting for? you cant take it with you, you are not living on a card board box, you cant take it with you! i also said that you have done everything for the family your life, biting my cheeks at nit saying all the bad shit and now it is time for you to get help. as i was leaving she look at me and said don't leave me like this, i am trying my best, don't do this, and i said mom, do not guilt me and left

ann54 12/09/2015

thank you all so much, it isso wonderful to have all the understanding and the tips. I went to visit my parents Monday night, she actually called me around 5 to ask if I was bringing dinner! we had thistalk sunday, no do not make anything your brother is bringing meatloaf Tuesday, we always have hot dogs Monday. I said well if youchange your mind let me know soon. no call no dinner well she was still wondering if I was bringing it, said I told her I would anyways, wrong! so I went over and literally the first thing she didwas grab me and look into my face and say don't ever storm out of the house like you did again! this was 2 weeks ago and it wasn't storming it was me leaving after trying to tal about things and getting no where, leaving before I said things I shouldn't. she went on about how upset she has been, this had already been talked about shortly after it happened and how your father was too. I didn't alpologize, didn't say it wouldn't happen again, just said if you would only listen to reason and know that we are only tryng to help, it almost started again but stopped. my brother is the outsider, he can do no wrong, he rages and storms andis verbally abususive but that's okay. I am currently going through a very difficult time, the new position I took they do not like me or how I do the work, been with the company 11 years with solid work record. these are new managers and after 3 weeks they said I am to sloe and I have been cut from 35 hours to 8 and I have been frantic, searching and looking for shifts in other stores doing what I used to and picking up a seasonal job, to old for this, 58. my mother blames me for giving her something else to worry about. someone get me off the insanity bus!

ThePepperMan 12/09/2015

All I can say is keep up the broken record method with your parents. Let them know what your limits are, what you will do when they violate them, and then do it!

Continuing hugs

TroJanThunder 12/09/2015

Good job! Telling them you will walk out when they become unpleasant with you in any way and then DOING it is the cure!

Just because they raised you does not mean they have the right to walk all over you. They are closer to the end than you are. You still have a lot of living to do.

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