Stop. Pause. Breathe.

Thirty years. Three decades. Time past.

What I did was sit down, figure out what I want for myself and then move on through that goal, taking steps to find ways to help myself feel better, be better and do better for my well-being.

You've done care giving for your grandparents, your husband and apparently, your mom is depending on you to be there for her, on her terms.

You need a break for you. You have to take time for you.

Vent freely. Vent safely. Vent often. The more you vent and find release, the easier it is to find a way that works to give you rest, relax, and revive your energy.

Yes, being a care giver can be overwhelming at times. Sometimes we are givers and we give and give until our own well is dry. There is no more water to give.

It is okay to say no to people, no I can't go to the appointment with you. Even if it is your mom and she gets angry with you. Take the month of May off duty form appointments and her illnesses. No I can't take you shopping but we can have groceries delivered. Sounds like your mother is very dependent personality wise but you have also gone alone with all of this for so long she just expects it. Maybe this is her way of gaining attention. If so, your being agreeable doesn't help her. If she is truly sick, maybe she needs a paid care giver aid to take care of her? At some point, we have to do for ourself first. Otherwise we burn out.

I send you a big hug, and know you are among friends here. Do feel you can share with us and respond to others. It helps when many share their points of view on here. Life can be very difficult at times. I am going through this with my husband right now. The parents are all deceased now. Certain amount of relief that their care giving needs are gone but then one feels sad they are gone.

Thanks Mid and Urbangardener for the encouragement. So true, just taking a moment to pause really does help. I have been a pushover all my life as it relates to mom. I'm an only child and my dad died when I was 8. I rarely say no to her. But I've said no to many of my hopes and dreams.
I'm glad I stood my ground and married my love, even without her blessing. I've also maintained my own place after I loss my husband, although she tries to guilt me into moving with her.

Sending you both a big hug. Based on responses I received from you in the past I know you are wise, strong, and brave. I am going take care and please do the same (((hug)))

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