Oh, I am sure that is upsetting for you. I've never had to deal with anything like that, but my first thought was the old standby - she won't change unless she wants to.

With that said, it sounds like she may be depressed or have some other such issue going on. It seems for whatever reason, she does not care about her hygiene at the moment. Maybe talk to her doctor first in case some Rx might help?

she is on meds, is depressed and extremely anxiety ridden. her lack of grooming has been going downhill for awhile, but now it can go over a week. I don't know if I can call the doctor and so right about her not changing if she doesn't want to. I don't want to mae her feel worse about herself but I do feel something should be said but what. thanks as always!

It is hard to know exactly what to do, but by all means tell the doctor. Poor sanitation has health implications, and the more the doctors know the better.

As for improving her sanitation, this might be a case for small changes. Let us know how things work for you.

oh such a hard subject you have to broch....

I bring a change of clothing to my mom and change her in the nursing home. She told me herself, don't bring anything nice or they will steal it, so she goes out of her way to wear not very good looking clothes and doesn't change often. I went to wallmart and got her nice sweatpants and tops, easy to put on and off, and nice colors.

last night she looked good, a sweater on for a change and hands where clean. I did say something about the toilet, the stain was there again on the seat, though it did not look like blood this time. I called her in and said I wanted to mention something to her and pointed out the large stain on the seat, she couldn't see it, her eye sight is getting that bad. I said it is there every time I come and the inside is dirty too. it was very hard saying this and I know my mother was so embarresed, she was going to clean it right away, I told her no please don't, let me she refused. she cleaned the stain with just water and sponge, I asked if she had any Lysol wipes, no, I said when we go to walmarts or when I go I will get some, saying how easy they are and they disinfect. the cleaning woman only comes every 5 weeks, she wont let her come more often. as for bringing clothes she lives home with my dad and has plenty of clothes, it is the depression and just not caring that she wears the same thing over and over. it went well last night and I was happy she was cleaned up some. thanks everyone!!!!

Maybe it is time for your folks to get some help.

If you think it's worth it? My mom's attention to her living space and more declined after her retirement and has gotten reallllly bad, but she's not dx'd with anything....

But yes, tell her doctor, and maybe call your loca lsocial services or elder advocacy group? They might find resources, or they might have volunteers who'll help with cleaning, etc.

My mom has refused all help from anyone, but we did make those calls and a lot of people do accept help from those organizations.

This is an awkward problem indeed. If your mother isnt getting sweaty every day she can get away with less than daily showering. But her underclothes do need frequent changing. Can you maybe get your father involved in reminding her to put on clean underwear and/or looking it out for her. Is your father aware of the blood on the toilet seat. It isnt necessarily very serious but it could be...

we will be getting some help in November, and luckily it is a woman she knows, se can only stay till 1 and they want her only 2 days, we will start with that. I want the woman to make a dinner ahead so it just needs warming up. I am to embarrassed to mention the underwear,and dad will never do it, I will leave that to susan, shes very outspoken. yes she wont change, she has been this way for 87 years and nothing in her life has changed. the town they live in has so much senior services that they will not take advantage of, it is so frustrating, they are there to help.

Yes. It can be hard to get older parents to change habits and accept help. But it can be done! Good idea to start with a trusted friend and go from there!

As my mother got sicker, her grooming habits also went down. She would still have this gal come by and do her nails, but she didn't want to get up and shower, I did all of her laundry and I too noticed she wasn't changing her under garments like she use to. For some, I think it becomes laziness, for others, I think they quit caring, and then it's possible they don't even realize it. Don't take it personally, and no, I don't think it's worth crying and getting upset over. Take care of you. Hugs GB

My mom isn't wearing any almost everytime I visit now, which is fairly often.Not sure if she is flushing them. I can't find them. She hasn't showered in at least a month, she won't, she washes with a wash cloth and thinks that is good enough. I'm not forcing her, the nursing home should wash her.

tanks agin everyone! you guys have been wonderful and supportive. I don't know how long my mother has been like this with her underwear, only found out because my sister has done her laundry, whichof course isnt done right. yes she is depressed and I know for myself when depressed I don't care mucheither. she is 87 and I have decided not to mention anything, it isn't worth the crying and fight it would cause, m mother would just cry and blame me. I is sad and selish of me, I miss not being able to tell my ad things that are bothering me or upsetting me in life as I know h will tel my mother and then she will get more upset and I will be adding to her worry.

Funny story for you. My mom wanted to get my dad pjs to wear at the AL because she wanted him yo cover up instead of sleeping in his undies. He hated the pjs and tried to flush them down the toilet!