Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
I have tried talking to my parents about making preparations for themselves in case they ever need me to be POA for them. My father now has serious pulmonary fibrosis. He has been saying for a month or more now that he is going to give me a set of keys for the fucking truck so I can haul off the trash for the next 3 weeks because he is having a serious surgery and will be in the hospital for a week and will not be able to return to normal activities for 3 weeks. But do you think they have gotten me a set of keys for the truck? NO. well guess what, I guess that trash is just going to keep piling up, and do you think they have made any efforts to EVEN look into getting a POA or EVEN LIFE INSURANCE for GOD's sake, NO, have they made any preparations in the event that either of them have to go into a nursing home to insure they don't loose everything they have, after we have discussed it numerous times and they are VERY aware of what will happen. NOOOOOOOO. I'm done. When they are ready for me to help them they will have to let me know cause I'm done talking to them. Let them lose it all, I don't give a god damn any more. Let the fucking trash pile up, cause if I dont have a key to that truck, so that I can take the trash off on my own schedule and not have to wait for them to tell me they're ready, (That means at 2pm instead of early in the morning so I can get on with my day) and instead of it taking 30 minutes, they want to find ways to make it an hour or 2 hours. Last weekend we were suppose to be going to eat out, it should have been a 2 hour ordeal, it turned into 4 hours instead. I have to work 40 hours a week, and I'm a single parent with a house of my own to take care of. I don't have time for them to try to play manipulation games. Let them fall is what I'm going to do from now on.
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
Have you tried setting limits for them? (Sorry if we have had this conversation before.)
Gentle hugs
I have in the past, it has been awhile, and I had not had to do it for a long time after that, but they just try to get what they can of my time, and that's ok, I understand, but it really makes me mad when they won't do what they need to in order to take care of their futures. I feel like either they don't trust me, don't want to let go of some way of trying to manipulate me, (they must think I really want their things) or they just are very attached to their things and thinking about letting anyone else have any say so is just unbearable to them. Either way I am done trying to wrestle with them, sometimes when they try to pull stuff like this cause they're just trying to get extra attention from me, I just ignore them until they do what they need to take care of themselves and then I come back and give them attention and time again, when I can.
People told me this for years and I said, my mom does trust me, I'm all she has. Well, when the time came, she did not give me POA and I had to wrestle with the Public Curator (in Canada that's what we do)
to get POA for her. They were going to take everything she had and leave me out with the trash. I contested and they checked back for years and saw I never took 1 cent of her money. they even asked me who pays everything, I said me. Well, they gave it to me, but now every year I have to do a financial statement to show what I do with her money. I even have to spend some or they will say I'm not managing it properly. Wow, I never believed this could happen. Good luck and I would press and insist they give you the keys and POA.