Tru,
Oh my goodness! same here! My mother's personality is not different now days but on top of her normal difficult behavior with me she now can't remember things on top of the normal difficult behavior. I love her so much but am so depressed, sad, and frustrated that I can't see straight. I have just joined this group also to share stories and kindness with others.
Are you still living with your father? It sounds like you have moved back out, if so are you living close to him?
Mike(my significant other) and I just went to my mothers house and we needed to get some information to take care of medical insurance things..while I was there and we were discussing our feelings back and forth (with someone that is not completely there mentally) I just thought to myself relax! and my god I think I should shoot myself now or have a drink, one or the other!!!! Of course we did what we needed to do and I am home with some great Jasmine hot tea(: writing this letter!

I am also tired and I can't sleep.
I understand what you are going through
Sandra

I moved out, Sandra. I lost my husband in March of this year, moved in with dad two months later. It was non-stop arguing and my bloodpressure shot up to 184/104 and that was with blood pressure medication. I was nearing a nervous breakdown from the loss of my husband and my father was making things unberable. I moved out because I knew if I stayed, I'd be joining my husband very soon. I figured it wouldn't do either of us any good if I were dead. Now, I visit him several times a week and call him every night. He does not have dementia but has always(IMHO) had mental issues. They are undiagnosed because he won't get help. He realizes something is wrong.

I feel blessed in that it skipped me(at least my late husband said so). At any rate, I know he can't help it. But it's so hard for me. His memory isn't what it used to be and he won't let me help.

Tru, Welcome. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and the stress of caring for your father. You are so right if you die of high blood pressure or have a stroke or heart attack, you can't help anyone well. Please care of yourself first. Wishing peace and good health. Tae

Tru,
You have had some major changes, It is wonderful that you are thinking about yourself! Do you have things that you can do that you enjoy? I am going to start walking today and for 5 days I have been taking pleasure in not allowing my mothers words to upset me in a way that I want to just open a bag of chips or cookies and gain weight. I have been eating wonderful nourishing food.
My mother won't let me help either. I have her Durable Power of Attorney which has helped me a lot. The main problems are safety due to her memory and declining physical ability. I want to honor her desire to stay in her place so I am trying to do things for her and make decisions with her knowledge. Because I have the Durable POA I am now able to start to doing things even though she puts up her wall. I am now the bad person in her eyes. She thinks I am calling people and doing things behind her back.
Hope your day is good.
Sandra

I like to write, so that helps me escape. Haven't had much time for that lately due to helping my father. Sandra, sometimes I think it would be great to just go somewhere else and live, leaving no forwarding address.

I get through the day by dreaming about a cabin on the waterfront of some kind and acres of property! I just want to sit and cook and be with people that i want to be with after i am there for a month or two.
I think about being in a cabin in the woods in the snow also, completely snowed in for ...I don't know....a month or two.
Maybe the snowed in one is a way that i could be alone and not have to explain my disappearing. ha ha!

Wow, so great to be amongst people who understand! I have no excuse of behavior issues with my dad; he's very sweet most of the time, and is good company. My stressor is that I've been soley with him for 8 years! Just the two of us, ALL of the time! Often it's fine, but lately I have an anxiety that builds and builds, until I think I'll explode!
I see myself growing old, and the sameness of it all, and more than that, having no one to give me emotional support or even simply a diversion! I just got over two days relentless anxiety, to where my heart makes a rubbing feeling, and I have Addison's Disease. I feel that it's not dad that is the problem, but my lack of someone else, my age.
Ceasar, I couldn't believe what you wrote! I also, have a little cottage, but mine is on a grassy hill...maybe a few trees...perhaps in Maine, where the air is fresh, and I am alone!! Not forever, just for a time! To go AHHHHHH~~~~~

I too keep dreaming of escape, it's soothing. I do go on vacations with my husband, it's a must for your sanity. I even turn off my cell phone. I know if it's an SOS there'll be a phone message left.You did the right thing to move out.It's so hard no matter where we are to turn off our mind. Our parent creeps in there all hours of the day/night.I try to think of our mind as a movie and WE have the power to change what is playing!!Hard though.Try to do something special for yourself OFTEN. You need it or you have less to give anyone else.No matter what life throws at us we feel a great responsibility to these people who gave us life. Will we ever treat our children like this-God, I hope not.

JudithPoo that cabin in Maine sounds wonderful!
My significant other and I have gone on vacations to cape cod a few times and there is this spot on a trail that is so beautiful! I will describe it to you ....the house we were in was not large and was air conditioned. it was a 5 minute walk to the bay side of the island. The yard empties off onto a sandy trail that has grasses of all types and heights, the sand was very hot but wonderful feeling on the feet. My feet sunk into the sand with every step that I would take. The trail would wind around kind of snake like. the sun was beating down on us and then all of the sudden the high bank was there and a split rail fence lined the high bank. hanging off of the fence was a child's pail with a bouquet of plastic flowers to greet you. I have that vision in my mind when I need to escape.
I live in Washington State and the snow is starting to fall! Pretty soon I can drive to the mountains and get snowed in!!!!!! ha ha ha