Stop. Pause. Breathe.

Write out some sentences of topics that are interesting for your mom to share. That way, you have the time of giving your mom positive things to think and share while on the conversation.

You can do this. Stop thinking about it. You have a plan.

Best wishes.

Don’t ruminate on how you hate it. Set a timer for ten minutes. Have some questions for mom or tell her about your day. It might be better if you tell her a story about you, your life, your day. Do you have a garden - tell her about the birds or squirrels or flowering plants. Or what you cooked for dinner. Maybe better if she has dementia is to talk about a favorite childhood memory. Do you remember when we went camping, mom? Spend more time writing down some ideas for responding to the want to go home stuff. What feels right to you. Practice it and be okay with saying it. What about just repeating back her feeling? Are you feeling homesick? Or, You are missing home. A statement. Or even That’s understandable — which is the truth. I can understand that is a phrase I use with people sometimes and I said it today to a friend. Write down your phrase where you can see it while you talk on the phone? If your mom has dementia, she maybe can’t carry on a long conversation or she’ll talk and talk about odd stuff. Just listen and pretend. You don’t have to be perfect. My MIL told me once in her dementia about a job interview she had yesterday in her mind but that happened fifty years ago. I just pretended and responded like it was real. Another time, she talked work situations with me, again from her work fifty years ago. I just pretended it was real and she was a friend telling me. She saw Non-existent people and talked to them. She died a year ago and I remember these conversations knowing they made her happy. You can do this. Just love her. Don’t make it so scary for you.

Dear Mid and UrbanGardener:

Thanks for your thoughtful response to my post. Both of you reminded me of something I am very good at: planning things out in advance. Of course I should be thinking about things and writing out how I might respond to what she says. And I can plan in advance things I might tell her, stories about my dog (whom she loves dearly), and things like that. And thanks UrbanGardener for all the detail in your response and the story about your MIL. They were very helpful.

DS is a good place to be. I am glad I am here.

Bentley

I agree to have a conversation planned and as well perhaps a diversion tactic if she starts to talk about coming home

Such as right now there is a very contagious virus at large and you aren't allowed to come out and have another topic ready to start on right after that

You can probably go back to the same topics several times and she won't know that they've been discussed...

My mom and I used to watch Sister Act over and over and over again.... The music made her smile.... Big hug.....xo

Thank you for your thoughts. I especially like the idea of talking about the same things over and over again. I had not thought of that, but am sure it would work with my mom.

Thank you for your support.