Maybe you need to think of her more as one of your children. If she chooses to sulk then let her. If you keep trying to make her happy you just enable the behavior.

SHe sounds like she is lonely and wants your attention. So when you kids were small and demanded your attention what would you do? I think you can either give her more responsibility (mom you decide, see if we need anything and call me at work) or you do what you did and don't feel guilty that she goes back to her room.

The more I think about this now the more she sounds like she is jealous of your life and is trying to get your attention. Very childish. So maybe if you treat her like a child it will be easier for you.

Just a thought.

Tigg2: I've thought of that many times; she's acting as if she's jealous of me but I can't for the life of me figure out why?

Although 3 years ago I had a great career and solid salary. My husband and I did quite well. There were many times back then that while shopping with her it was blatantly obvious that she was jealous of what I was buying. She would turn nasty on me out of nowhere! I used to buy her so many things when we shopped and still I'd get nasty comments from her.

I noticed a few years ago when my husband and I went into business together and monies were tight that she did a complete turn-around on me and became a "nice person". Well, up until several months ago when the company is finally in the black, now all of a sudden she's back to her old antics!

I can't help but think that she does all of this to me because she likes to cause me pain. I've seen this many times in her expressions. When I'm down about the business and miss my old income, she's actually happy and in a great mood!

It's not a very nice thing to admit but after you said it I couldn't help but come to the realization that if an impartial party is seeing this, I think I was right.

So sad and depressing though.

Knowing the problem is half the battle. At least you can find some peace in understanding.

I think seeing a counselor is a great idea.

So far, my situation with mom is good. She has her mind, but her body is failing.

I do know that my mom still enjoys feeling "needed". I'll ask her for advice if I need it or not.

Have you tried asking her how you should prepare a certain meal? Sometimes I wonder if they just want to make sure we will be all right after they pass. Maybe that's why she follows you so closely. After all, she is a mom, and it would feel pretty awful when one may feel not needed but just a nuisance.

I know my day will come and I watch my mom knowing one day I will be her.

Hugs, and you will get through this.

First try sitting down with her and honestly, on an adult-to-adult level, discuss how you all feel about the situation. I waited until I was fed UP and furious to tell mine, so, sadly, this is do as I say, not as I do advice. Mom's behavior (she's 90) improved afterwards, and I felt liberated but also guilty, as usual. :-) The booklet, The Struggle of Caregiving, available from Upper Room Books might be as helpful to you as it's been for me. Good luck!

Welcome to my hell...sorry...world. You can only keep it in for so long. I nearly lost my marriage and she's still here, making my life miserable...sorry, I'm no help, because I am so depressed right now thanks to her latest tantrum. As you start putting up some boundaries, they also escalate their bad behaviour.

Good luck.

I just read all your other posts. Didn't realise there were more from you. You still describe my situation perfectly. My mother is 74 and moved in with me at 64 (I was 25, married for 3 years). To this day, she is healthier than a lot of people that are younger than her. She's just obsessed with me.

After years of sulking because of food (what's for dinner the next day being one of her favourite themes), because we didn't take her out enough times, because we got up too late, because I didn't hang my socks right...you get the picture...of course you do.

So, years later, I convinced her to enrol at a senior school and to go on a couple of senior holidays. She refused the day centre because it wasn't for her. Recently, I also enrolled her in some voluntary work. She dropped all the above.

All useless, except two senior holiday trips twice a year because she's embarrassed to tell the other lady she's not interested. The other lady is 87 years of age, also fit and healthy, lives by herself and fills her days with activities...so if this doesn't prove that being old is not an excuse to ruin other people's lives, I don't know what does. In fact, most elderly I know around here do have lives and think my mum is extremely selfish.

Last Wednesday she threw such a tantrum (things have been escalating) that she started to scream (reaaaally loud) that everybody loved her all her life, except for me (she must mean those who did not live with her, surely). What had she done to deserve this? (Where do I start? This childish behaviour is not old age...it's the behaviour she always had). I was so numb and scared this time (she was also throwing things), I had to call 911 and see if they could help by sending a psychiatrist or something. They couldn't and she just shouted down the phone "I JUST WANT A HUUUUG". (A psychologist told me not to hug her when she's having a childish tantrum and just wait for her to grow herself back up).

I have several other issues in my life. My husband and I give each other mutual support, but all our efforts go down the drain when we have to live with misery at home.

I told her many times living under the same roof is not working but she always forgets and after going to her house for a couple of months, she just settles back in. Other people close to her already "hinted" quite clearly, that we need time to be together, especially two years ago, when we nearly divorced...she refused to do that. She created a crisis and then she said I upset her and she was in no condition to be alone (not that she is ever alone where her house is because her widow cousins keep her company).

Sorry, I could go on and on and on...

Go get some good impartial counseling. My mom's (age 90) is so manipulative, still, that she faked being unconscious last month to keep me by her side. I stayed there, dutifully watching her look glassy-eyed and near death 'til 4 a.m., and only later, when somebody pointed it out to me, did I realize she'd instantly "come to" twice when people she liked came in the room and spoke to her, then just as quickly conked back out. I work with psychiatrists, and they pointed out that a one time response might be reflex, but two times wasn't indicative of a real coma. Duh. She was button pushing--MY buttons, of course. The next day she was fine while I was exhausted. SO, get some help and detach with love, if you can. I can't always, but I'm trying. Hugs!

Hello Everyone, I haven't been able to get out here lately. Thank you for all the responses.

Bellastellas - That's a new one in manipulation. There is nothing funny about what your mother did to you there. In fact, if my mother ever does that to me; I'll threaten her with a nursing home! That's exactly the type of thing my grandmother did to my mother.. Terrible, just terrible!

Last night at 6:00, my mother and husband were in the kitchen. When I came home I told them both that our daughter and grandchildren may be stopping in. My mother, (not wanting any company again) said she was retiring to her room because she wasn't feeling well and was coming down with a cold. I said, okay, see you in the morning. Well, our daughter didn't end up stopping by after all. This morning my mother says, oh what time did "she" come in with her kids? I said, who are you talking about? Who's "She and her kids". She says, Missy and the kids. Okay, well I just wanted to clear that up because she has a name and it's not "She or Her". Of course she puts on her pouting look and shakes her head at me. I said, she didn't stop in last night after all. My mother states, well, if I had known that I would have come out and gotten myself something to eat. I said, you could have done that anyway. She says, well, I'm tired of the kids being over here lately; it's too much for me. I told her to get over it! And oh by the way; how's your cold this morning? She says, what cold? pppppfffffffffffffffffffff Yeah, just what I thought!!!!