Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
This is partially a question and partially just venting. I live at home with my 76 year old mother and things have just been going downhill since I lost my only sibling several months ago.
My sister was my best friend and my only social hub. Without her I have no one to talk too, discuss anything with, hang out with, it's just sad, lonely and miserable.
My mom is a TV Zombie and has been for the last 10 years or so, so that didn't change after my sister passed. I don't think it can get worse. She has bad arthritis in her back or spine and can't (or doesn't want too) walk or stand for long periods, or even short periods. She looks for a seat as soon as she stands up. She is always talking about how tired she is, but I think it's mostly because of her back problems. So because of this her only goal for the day is waking up and sitting back down in front of the TV.
I just bought a car and the only time she will go out with me is if there is food involved. There is never a sense that she's going to be company or socializing. She just wants to go out, get food and come back home to eat it alone in front of the TV. It has been very draining on my emotionally because I have no one to talk too and I get tired of her and her food requests. I see a therapist twice and week and she is helping me to set up some boundaries and such.
I think moving is really the best thing, but financially I'm trying to figure it out. It's awful who losing one person can set up this chain reaction of a shit storm in your life. I have no friends, they abandoned me after my loss. My therapist wants me to go to meet ups, and deep down I don't want too, I just don't want to be bothered. I honestly don't see finding a real friend at a meet up anyway.
I just feel stuck. I hate my job, I have no life. Has anyone felt like this? Did you get unstuck? I'm just so angry this is my life now. I resent everything and everyone. It's horrible.
My sister was my best friend and my only social hub. Without her I have no one to talk too, discuss anything with, hang out with, it's just sad, lonely and miserable.
My mom is a TV Zombie and has been for the last 10 years or so, so that didn't change after my sister passed. I don't think it can get worse. She has bad arthritis in her back or spine and can't (or doesn't want too) walk or stand for long periods, or even short periods. She looks for a seat as soon as she stands up. She is always talking about how tired she is, but I think it's mostly because of her back problems. So because of this her only goal for the day is waking up and sitting back down in front of the TV.
I just bought a car and the only time she will go out with me is if there is food involved. There is never a sense that she's going to be company or socializing. She just wants to go out, get food and come back home to eat it alone in front of the TV. It has been very draining on my emotionally because I have no one to talk too and I get tired of her and her food requests. I see a therapist twice and week and she is helping me to set up some boundaries and such.
I think moving is really the best thing, but financially I'm trying to figure it out. It's awful who losing one person can set up this chain reaction of a shit storm in your life. I have no friends, they abandoned me after my loss. My therapist wants me to go to meet ups, and deep down I don't want too, I just don't want to be bothered. I honestly don't see finding a real friend at a meet up anyway.
I just feel stuck. I hate my job, I have no life. Has anyone felt like this? Did you get unstuck? I'm just so angry this is my life now. I resent everything and everyone. It's horrible.
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
Too often we get stuck in our lives where we have a purpose in life, but it is not a productive or positive one. Or perhaps it is not as productive or positive as we would like.
You and I have both lost family members. I have come close to being "the sad guy who lost his family in August; different years but always August". I think I needed to visit that place, sort of try on that persona, before I could really reject it. I still miss my family, and am dreading August, but I hope to plow through it rather than be bowled over by it.
So yes, I have felt stuck like you feel you are.
Do you feel somehow disloyal to your sister by the thought of spending time with other people? Certainly you would if she were still alive.
You say you think that moving on is the best thing, but it sounds like you (like me and so many others) are stuck in a rut. Perhaps the best thing to do is to ease into the waters of moving on gradually but not glacially.
Find a volunteer cause that you can get involved in and spend time doing that. This can make it less stressful when you do have to interact with other people. Leave your sister out of it, and focus on the task at hand.
I hope that you are able to find your way out. Sometimes all we have to do is to start poking around at things and a way out presents itself.
Gentle hugs
I don't know if I said "moving on' I mean moving as in moving out of the house, lol. Yes, I know getting away from my Ma might help because she makes me feel old and lifeless.
But it's interesting how you said 'getting stuck in our lives where our purpose is not a productive or positive one.' That is exactly where she is. Basically, my sister and I both saw her as someone who had her life and had her fun and now was only interested in sitting in front of the TV eating. Fine for her, but it drains me, especially now.
I wouldn't feel disloyal about spending time with other people. Deep down I know I just don't want to be bothered trying to meet and socialize and the feeling of "starting over" I had my comfort zone and my social hub just how I liked it, and I had someone I had about 98% of things in common. Where would I find that again?
It's this depression in trying to find companionship and friendship. I know I have been trying to find it in my Ma, but it's not working and making me even more depressed because she is only focused on food, TV and sitting. She is the only person I have that convenient near me. It's just very debilitating.
As far as finding new companions/friends, you are right. You will never find somebody who is a 98% match! But I think that the trick is to find somebody who is a "good enough" match (50%, 75%???) and then work on adding things to the relationship (or changing your interests) so that your new relationships have a higher score.
Or add more people to the mix so that from the group you get that magic 98% match.
hugs